yessleep

Congratulations! You’ve been accepted to broadcast at the Alaskan Sky-High Radio Station! We hope to see you this following week! My name is David, I was the previous broadcaster at the station, and since I am retiring, you will be taking my place. But enough about me! This is your job we are talking about!

Alright, you and I both know how to broadcast, since you have successfully passed all he tests for working here, but there is still much more you should know!

Here are a few rules/tips for you to follow while going down this unique career path:

  1. When you arrive at the station, make sure to park your car in the parking spot provided, you will know it when you see it. If you fail to park your car in the provided area, you will find your car missing by the end of your shift.

1a. If you are unable to find the spot, contact me via phone call.

  1. Make sure you don’t hear anyone broadcasting before you enter the station. If you do, do NOT enter before you hear them stop talking, no matter how much they insist on you coming in. Do not expect anyone to exit the station when you hear them stop broadcasting.

2a. If they end up broadcasting through your entire shift, you will not be paid.

  1. Once you enter, make sure all the lights in the station are on, if any are turned off, turn them on IMMEDIATELY. It always tries to enter through rooms with no light. Along with the lights, make sure all the windows are closed and blinded, because that is how it can get in.

3a. Make sure to make patrols around the station, because there is a high chance the lights turn on or windows open throughout your shift. Do NOT under ANY circumstances leave lights off or windows open for more than ten minutes. Your broadcasts should all be less than ten minutes long, so you being preoccupied should be a problem.

  1. If for any reason you need to go outside, avoid looking up at the sky, or else it will take you.

  2. While broadcasting, you will be pre-set to a specific channel. If you ever find yourself on a different channel, change it back to the original channel immediately. They will know where you are if you speak to them.

  3. If you find another worker, such as a janitor, at the station, yell at them and tell them they are not welcome here. You are the only one working at that station. A handgun will be provided for extra effect.

  4. I will be visiting to check up on you every two hours. Every time you hear me knock, you must ask me the following: “Who was calling?” I must respond with “darkness called.”

7a. If I do not respond with “darkness called,” you must take the handgun and tell me I am not welcome, for that is not me at the door. You are permitted to let me in if I respond with the right words.

  1. If you ever see an oddly bright light appear outside all of the windows (blinded or not blinded), immediately start broadcasting hypnogogic pop music. The tune will drive it away.

8a. It is important that you know to not. Look. Into. The. Light.

  1. There will be a phone at the broadcasting desk. If you receive a phone call, pick up and ask “who is calling?” And it should respond with “Darkness is calling,” then say “it was a pleasure speaking with you,” and hang up. If you ask the same question, and you hear a different answer, immediately say they are not welcome here and hang up the phone.

  2. When your shift is over, you must leave the station and say “it was a pleasure.” Then you are allowed to go back to your parked car and leave. Avoid looking up at the sky until you are at least a mile away from the station.

And that is it! We hope this sudden change of expectations is not going to stop you from working with us. Thank you for your understanding! See you next week!

P.S. I would like to personally thank you for taking my place. I know it takes a lot of responsibility and I am exceedingly grateful. Seriously. Thank you. It’s been so long since I’ve left.

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