Being a broke college kid is about as fun as you’d expect. I’d just been cut off by my parents, and I soon realized that I had to find some way to pay for my tuition.
Now being the desperate idiot that I am, this led me to look for whatever job I could find. After browsing a few online ads, I came across an interesting one. “BARTENDER WANTED FOR THE BLACK SKULL TAVERN, Pays $50 dollars an hour.
The address was pretty much in the middle of nowhere, about 20 minutes outside of town. Something felt off about the whole thing, but that $50 an hour was pretty tempting.
I figured what the hell, even if it’s a scam it’s worth an application. I ended up getting a phone call a few days later, and the guy on the other end was pretty nice. His name was Charles, the owner of the place.
I asked him if I needed any sort of training. He said the job was mine, and that, “Don’t worry kid, you’ll pick it up real quick”.
I was told to come down Monday night for my first shift. When I got there, the room felt dead. The place was empty, and all I could see was a wax sealed envelope on the counter.
To our newest bartender:
Welcome to the Black Skull, home of the world’s most mystic drinks. You’re probably wondering why you’ve received this letter. This is a list of rules which include the responsibilities of your job, as well as some precautions to keep you safe during your employment. Please note that failure to adhere to these rules may result in severe injury, death, and other consequences which may be quite…eternal.
#1: Your shift begins at 12pm sharp and ends at 6am. Do not attempt to exit the bar at any time during your shift. We’re still trying to wash the old guy off of the wall in the back.
#2: Make sure the patrons are happy. Smile, make some small talk. If they ask for another round of the same drink, give it to them for free. Although they may seem human, they are not, and therefore, deserve the utmost respect. Otherwise, you might walk out of the bar without your eyes.
#3: At 2:15 am, the vodka will run out. It doesn’t matter how much customers drink, the bottle will always be empty. You must go into the basement to get a new bottle. Once you grab a new bottle off the shelf, it’s going to burn your hand. No matter what, don’t let go. If you drop it and the inhabitants behind the bar don’t get their fix, they won’t take too kindly to it.
#4: If an older gentleman with amber eyes walks in, make him an old fashioned and refer to him as Mr. Lucious. He will ask you your name. Don’t hesitate to lie through your teeth, but no matter what do not give him your actual name. You are free to converse with him as you please, so long as you do not make direct eye contact for too long. If you see the flames within his eyes, you may begin to lose hope.
#5: With the exception of rule 8, you should not be in the basement at any time other than between 2:15 and 2:20 am. No matter what you hear down there, ignore it. These are simply rises to try and get you to open the door. DON’T OPEN IT.
#6: Under the bar you’ll notice your bottle of vodka as previously mentioned. Yeah, it’s not exactly vodka. Without exception, pour a shot’s worth of the stuff in each drink. Let’s just say it’s what keeps the drinks interesting for our clients.
#7: You may have noticed the revolver under the bar as well. Make sure to keep it close at all times, as there are many situations in which you might need it. If a young woman who goes by Madison sits at the bar, don’t hesitate to shoot her. If a gentleman wearing a civil war uniform steps in, make sure you shoot him directly in the heart. In the unlikely event that the whole building goes dark, put the revolver to your head and pull the trigger. You’re pretty much screwed if this happens, and eating a bullet is a better alternative than what Mr. Lucious has in mind for you.
#8: If the bar is empty and Mr. Lucious comes up to you, say verbatim, “What service shall I perform for thee?”. Do whatever he says, and make sure he isn’t bored. Later in the night Mr. Lucious will tell you, “Come with me”. Follow him down to the basement. When you reach the bottom of the last step, he will ask you a deep, personal question. The question varies from person to person, but it will always be personal in nature, and almost always a shameful one.
You will be overcome with an enormous sense of guilt, wanting to say the truthful answer. However you must use all of your willpower to lie. If you cannot produce an acceptable answer, you will black out and feel nothing. When you awake you will feel weightless, as if you do not have a body. It is only then that you will realize that your soul is trapped in a bottle, to be consumed by the very abominations you serve.
If however you manage to tell a convincing lie, you will awake in the booth at the corner of the bar. When you check your watch it will be 6am, and you may leave while continuing your day as normal.
Congratulations on the new job,
Charles
“Eh, this guy’s just screwing with me”, I thought while staring at the letter. I chuckled for a second, appreciating Charles’s odd sense of humor. That was, until a customer came through the door.
He was an old man with fiery amber eyes. He took a seat at the bar while I was scared shitless, trying to remember what the hell I should do.
I then thought back to the list and said in a shaky voice, “What service shall I perform for thee?”.
“Pour me an old fashioned, would ya son?”, he asked with a smug grin.
I had only ever served drinks to friends at parties, and even then I was mostly mixing random crap together. “Shit, shit, shit, how do I make an old fashioned?”, I thought, trying to find some way to save myself.
“Pour in some whiskey, add an orange slice, a bit of sugar, and some bitters”, the old man said. I did as he said, not wanting to piss off whoever or whatever I was talking to. “You’re new here, aren’t you?”, the old man questioned me.
“First customer I’ve served”, I replied. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. -” he cut me off before continuing. “Lucious, yes that’s right. It’s great to meet you too.”
We began to make small talk, yet I still couldn’t shake that coincidence with the rules. After some time he asked me a strange question. “So boy, what’s your name?”.
I stood there confused. “I’m sorry?”, I asked. “What’s your name, son?”. Just then I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach. How was this still a coincidence? I told him my name was Jack, in accordance with the rules.
“Oh, Danny, Danny, Danny. No one likes a liar, now do they?” My heart froze. “You’re shakin’ in your boots right now, wondering how I know your name, or why you have to follow that list of rules. Don’t worry, I don’t bite”.
Just as I saw the flames in his eyes, he said, “come with me to the basement, I’ll explain everything”. I was done at this point. No matter how hard this thing was trying to act human, I knew something was very, very wrong.
No list was gonna keep me safe from this man, so I did the only thing I could think of. I took the revolver from under the table, and shot at that abomination.
In a split second the thing pretending to be a man laid limp on the floor like a ragdoll, as I ran for the exit. Just as I was about to swing through the door, the old man called out to me.
“You made the wrong choice tonight, boy. Tonight I’ll let you live, but just know that no matter where you run or what you do, I will always be near. Rule breakers deserve to be punished!”.
I booked it out into the parking lot and towards my car, when suddenly I heard a roar from the nearby woods. I didn’t want to find out what happened to the last guy, so I got into my car and floored it.
When I got home I tried calling Charles, hoping against hope that he would know how to take care of Mr. Lucious. After four tries, he finally picked up.
“Charles, that old man with the amber eyes, he’s… he said he’s after me”, I said through heavy breaths. “What do I do?”.
“Please”, Charles said with a smug tone, “call me Lucious. I’ll be seeing you soon”.