Hi and welcome to the restaurant! Here are some rules to surviving:
If you are a regular, know what you’re going to order before entering.
If you’re a newcomer, never ask what they like. If you do, you have to get it, no matter the situation.
Never make direct, prolonged eye contact with them. If you do, they will kill you in cold blood, no hesitation. (I’ve seen this happen every time I’ve come here. The first time I came here, I saw this happen to 2 people.)
If they recommend you a food option, do not, under any circumstances, accept it for it will be poisoned. Politely decline, and I mean politely. If you don’t, they will make sure to teach you how to be kind.
If your food was not cooked to your liking, do not complain. Be polite and explain how they could make your experience better. If they don’t like what you have to say while being polite, say, “Sorry for wasting your time, would you please forgive me?” If they don’t forgive you, finish your food then politely ask for the check, pay, then refer to rule 13.
Before entering the restaurant, make sure you have enough money. If you don’t, depending on how much money you owe, you’ll be turned into a worker until your debt is paid off. (This has happened to me once before. I was $4.57 off, and they had me working for 29 weeks. I made sure not to make the same mistake again. It was hell.)
Do not eat any snacks or drink any drinks 1 hour before coming. You can, but if you get full, I warned you. This is so you finish all of your food. If you don’t finish most of it, they will kill you, and never ask for a box.
If they give you the receipt before you’re finished eating, that means they want you gone. In this situation, finish eating or drinking what’s in your hands, pay, leave, and don’t come back. (I’ve seen people killed for not knowing this.)
They will have a TV for entertainment, so don’t be on your phone at all, no matter the circumstance. Just watch the TV. They find this rude, as you don’t enjoy the entertainment they provide you.
If you hear yelling from the back, ignore it unless you want what’s happening to the person to happen to you.
If you have to go to the bathroom, go. Ignore anything else in there and do your business, wash your hands, and get out. If you don’t wash your hands, the things in there will kill you.
Don’t forget to tip.
This is the most important rule, so remember this one: after you tip and you pay before you leave, remember to say goodbye and wish everyone well, and thank them for the wonderful food, even if the food was bad. (If you don’t, you’ll find out why there’s screaming in the back.)
Thank you for enjoying the restaurant, and come back soon.