The name’s Rudy, Rudy Reid. I woke up in this hard sort of thing. Last thing I remember I was driving home after a long day at the university. I must’ve gotten home and fallen asleep. But right now I didn’t know where I was, then again I did have a habit of falling asleep in strange places, me mum said it’s been on since I was a bed wetter.
I got out of my box and walked outside where I saw a few people, scared to be seen with my bed hair I slipped to the side and escaped their view. It seems like I was at a party of sorts, well at least that’s what I thought… There was a buffet set up with all of my favorite things! There was pasta and pizza and even ice cream! I poured myself a glass of champagne, that’s when I first noticed I was suited up. I was wearing a white suit and for some reason my skin looked a little wrinkly… Must’ve forgotten to put cream before coming I reckon.
I took a sip of the champagne but it tasted absolutely terrible for some reason. To clean up my mouth after that terrible drink I decided to have a little bit of water.
Yuck!
How does one manage to make water taste this BAD? Finally, I went outside to let the sun hit me a bit, you know, wake myself up. I closed my eyes as the sun rays hit my wrinkly skin. I suddenly heard a glass break. I opened my eyes and quickly diverted my attention to the site of the accident. That’s where I saw my mom, glaring at me in shock. It must’ve been because of my bedhead… I decided to apologize and tell her I’d fix it right away “Mum I’m sorry I was just so tired, one of those days you know? I’ll fix it rig-“ my breath froze as I looked to the sign beside my mom. ‘Rudy’s funeral. Saying goodbye to Rudy.’
What in the-? Obviously, this little incident left me extremely confused. I couldn’t process what was going on and just ran. I didn’t know where I was running but I saw the bathrooms and decided to go there. That’s when I felt something in me mouth, a sweet, yet salty kind of thing. It was forcing itself upward and eventually I spit something that looked like a piece of paper on my hand, and as I read the clearly handwritten note, the situation I put myself into finally dawned upon me.
RULES: RULES TO SURVIVE AS AN UNDEAD.
Hey there! Looks like you’re the latest addition to the undead. This note has been designed to automatically show up in the hands of an undead 15 minutes after they first show up. so with no further ado, let’s get right into the rules.
1) You are undead. You cannot die. As you can see, you’re clearly breathing….But here’s the thing, you’re going to stay alive. For reasons inexplicable by current science, your body has stopped aging, and you are stuck this way forever.
2) Though you cannot die, do note that you are not immortal. You still bleed and wound. And it will hurt worse than ever before.
3) Every seventh day you must kill at least 1 person and commit acts of cannibalism. You are not dead, but you are not alive. You require fresh flesh and life force which can only be obtained vide fresh corpses. Trust me, its much better than the alternative.
4) So you see, we as undead are not supposed to be here. Hence, the government has dispatched certain…. Forces to make sure we are terminated upon notice. Here’s how to survive them.-
A)If approached by a man in a hat, any hat, kill them immediately. They are part of the forces.
B) Every fourth day, at precisely 2230 hours, there will be banging on your front door. This is a good sign. We have dispatched team members who help our fellow undead. If this banging does not occur it means your house is marked by the forces.
c) If your house is marked, immediately burn it down. Leave no evidence of your existence.
D) If the forces find you, congratulations! The government will be running experiments on you for longer than you’d like.
5) As an undead, in order to keep yourself safe we suggest finding a deserted place for your lodgings with not to many people around, in case ‘that’ ever happens.
6) As an undead you may be confused as to how exactly you function, but rest assured the only changes to your body are that you no longer need to sleep or eat. Everything else is the same.
7) Now to tell you what ‘that’ is. Basically, if we undead are ever deprived of our meals for too long or feel that we are cornered beyond escape we enter a state of rage we cannot recover from. We lose all sense of reason and start murdering anyone around us. It’s not a good site.
“Yo I need to use the bathroom, you done in there?” A voice interrupted my reading. There were still a few more rules but I’d have to read them later. May god help me.