After being stranded in the mountains due to a plane crash, my friends and I found it hard to place ourselves back in society again.
It was supposed to be the vacation of a lifetime or so I thought it was until I saw the engine catching fire.
When I awoke to I was met with flames and the smell of burning flesh. Chaos surrounded me as I sat there gazing at my broken watch whose short hand stopped at seven while the long hand stopped at twelve.
It was the only thing left that resembled normalcy so I kept it despite being useless.
The long year of survival in that place made the trees witnesses to the horrors that we were forced to commit. As our supplies ran low and winter approached, we were forced to kill and consume one of our own.
Some protested at the beginning, especially Randy, and depended on the plant life that surrounded us. However, push came to shove and they were left with no choice but to be monsters too.
The sick passengers went out first and the rest met their cruel fates when they pulled the short stick.
We took turns in the horrific act of ending them but despite the shared effort, we still felt like we carried all the weight individually.
I’d often drift back to the time in highschool where we almost met our ends when a drunk driver hammered our bus.
Maybe I had overreacted then, praying non-stop for help to arrive before the fire engulfed the vehicle. I should’ve saved some if I only knew where we’d be now.
Paranoia latched on to us after one passenger suddenly whacked another during his slumber. We were awoken by his cries that ended too soon after the third hit.
Randy tried to talk the man down and when he finally let go of the heavy branch he apologized but not in the way that eased the tension.
“Sorry I got bored”
He said those words with no remorse at all and when my eyes locked with Randy’s, we knew what we had to do.
My attention kept getting pulled at the bodies that were waiting for their final rest. One with a bloody head and detached jaw and the other who wore strangulation marks on his neck.
It felt like an insult, to bury the victim with his murderer but we wanted to save space and most importantly energy.
We agreed to spare them, to return them to earth as they were but it was in vain. Either it was driven by hunger or by something else, the others dug up the corpses and feasted on the flesh.
I’ll never forget the look the woman gave me as she salivated while consuming a part of the rib. I can still feel my own hurting whenever I remember that.
Some nights I thought I saw eyes in lurking in the thicket. I even found myself praying that it would gather enough courage to attack and just end our suffering.
But God didn’t dwell in that place so my cries went unheard.
As the number of survivors dwindled from twenty to the five of us, rescue finally came.
It took a lot of therapy but we somehow felt like ourselves again. The first thing I did when I got back to my place was display the broken watch on top of fireplace.
Its broken glass served both as a reminder of our survival and our mortality.
I made work my main focus and so did the others. Hayley took rabbits in as a form of healing and they soon lived in her back garden.
As with everything, nothing was permanent as something happened that showed us just how wrong we were.
Laughters were shared when we got together in a restaurant. The seats were occupied by only four of us since our other friend couldn’t make it.
The mood soon turned foul however when Randy scolded the waiter by yelling and cursing at him for the medium rare steak.
“I-I’m so sorry…I can get you another piece sir.”
The boy trembled in fear as Randy shook in anger while the others tried to calm him down.
“You hear that buddy? He’ll get you another one, well done right?”
Kyle tried to settle Randy’s nerves but Randy shrugged off the hold on him as he bellowed
“I want it raw!”
Stares of confusion and judgement were thrown at our table that we apologized before leaving.
Randy still simmered with anger and when Kyle tried to calm him down again he resorted to strangling him and only let go when I hit him on the head over and over.
I lost sleep over that incident but a message from Randy made me question If I really escaped the person I had to become in that mountain.
“Do you remember how they tasted?”
Randy isolated himself from us for months despite us trying our hardest to get him help.Seasons passed with no word from him and it was only when his face was shown in the news did we manage to catch a glimpse of him again.
It was a breaking news about the body of a woman who’d been missing for a week. We feared the worst, that Randy had crossed a line he could never come back from.
But as the anchorwoman released another statement, it felt like we never left that hellish place at all.
Randy hadn’t done the killing…he was just caught trying to devour the decomposing body.
I couldn’t focus on anything other than what Randy had turned to. I lost my train of thought that resulted in me injuring my finger with a knife I was using to make a vegetarian dinner.
My first instinct was to soothe the wound when I failed to find an antiseptic and a band-aid.
As the first drop of blood met my tongue I fought the urge to taste even more. My own body was like a forbidden fruit at that point and that drop alone felt like the ultimate sin.
I abandoned making dinner altogether and settled for a take out instead. I was afraid of what I’ll unleash if I encounter another accident, worse If I actually do it on purpose.
Still, I allowed myself to watch a cooking show where meat was the center ingredient as I devoured my meal. I convinced myself that it was for distraction but I knew it was a lie.
It took a month before I finally agreed to see Hayely again. We were the least closest in our friend group but during the accident, she watched out for me just like I had done with her and that changed everything.
“I can’t even close my eyes without seeing that place”
Hayley confessed as we walked the trail but the beautiful scenery failed to aleviate the unpleasant emotions.
“I got back to the pills, they help a little bit. I don’t know how much more depravity my body could take.”
I uttered in the hopes of letting Hayley know that she wasn’t alone in feeling this. She still looked sullen and skinnier than when I last saw her.
“I couldn’t even eat anything without tasting meat”
Tears welled in her eyes then as she placed her hand on her knees as if trying to compose herself. The gentle breeze was not enough to shake us out of the confinement of that admission.
“Max…”
Hayley started as she leveled her gaze with mine
“did we really leave…or are we just dreaming?”
I kept silent as I didn’t want to be pulled into more questions. My sanity was already on thin ice, one more crack and I wouldn’t be able to stop the raging waters.
“There are times that I still feel really cold.”
Hayley was disappointed when I still didn’t respond. The walk back was spent in awkwardness, like she had opened a secret that we both weren’t ready for.
What broke the atmosphere was the sight of a fawn whose leg was caught in a wire on the side of the trail. The wound had dug deep as the animal struggled, desperate for survival.
The image of its helplessness brought me back to that time when they had set a trap. Instead of catching an animal though, the contraption caught Kyle instead.
We struggled to release our friend as he wailed, calling out for the others to help but they just stood. It only dawned on us then that they had really intended to snare one of us all along.
A fraction was created after that digging incident. What we lacked in numbers was compensated by resourcefulness, a big factor on why we were able to stay alive.
They came at us, throwing strikes and punches but we managed to get the upper hand. After the attack, I could no longer see the lines of my palm from all the blood.
The dead were eaten while the remaining ones either took their own lives or deserted the camp. We found them frozen the following day with the look of hopelessness etched on their faces.
Randy advised to leave them and I walked away without responding.
Hayley’s voice snapped me back to the present as she asked for my help.
“Max! Are you with me?”
I ran towards them then, brandishing a pocket knife from my bagpack. Hayley held on to the fawn as I meticulously made enough gap to be able to sever the wire. She whispered soothing words to the animal as she done with Kyle and I felt how the fawn’s surrendered to calmness.
Minutes later and the creature was free at last. Hayley applied iodine before the animal limped away into the woods. I actually found myself smiling as I watched the little one disappear from sight.
Hayley though…was transfixed on her fingers that had the fawn’s blood.
It looked like she was under some spell. She slowly brought her fingers to her mouth but before she could do anything else I called her name, distracting her enough that she yanked her hand back down.
“Here, wash your hand with this.”
I uttered while offering my water bottle but Hayley shook her head in refusal. We exited that trail, unearthing something that we thought we had buried long ago.
Work became a savior as I had the perfect excuse on not being able to see my friends for a while. It’s not that I didn’t want to but I needed to. I had accepted then that we weren’t as healed as I thought we were and that scared me.
One event I couldn’t say no to though was Hayley’s birthday. It was a small gathering at her spacious backyard and the celebration lasted till the nine in the evening.
In the midst of the liquors and the cake, I couldn’t help but hear the silence from the rabbit cages.
“Didn’t see the fluffly ones today. You moved them or something?”
I asked with an air of being oblivious, not wanting to alarm Hayley but still felt her body going rigid against mine as I helped with the washing of dishes.
“No not at all. Sadly the coyotes got them.”
Hayley responded followed by a dry chuckle.
“They’ve been too bold lately, being big in numbers in all. Visited my yard once or twice but I never expected them to actually attack the rabbits.”
I allowed her to talk and talk as my mind wandered back to the cages. They had no damages whatsoever.
I finally called out her bluff which made her shove me back with such force that made my side hit the edge of the counter.
Anger laced Hayley’s face then so I left, knowing that I had already lost her.
When other pets started to go missing in Hayley’s neighborhood that’s when my stomach knotted.
Her parents dismissed my concern and that infuriated me but they made it look like I was trying to paint their daughter in a bad light due to jealousy so I left, slamming their door as I did so.
I cried on my way home. If I had just taken the time to talk to Hayley on that trail maybe this wouldn’t have happened.
Kyle called me one morning and told me how Hayley was detained after an incident at the pet shop.
The video soon found its way to the internet where it went viral. It was of Hayley trying to bite off a hamster’s head. The poor critter was saved just in time when strangers decided to intervene.
Hayley was held back by a burly man as she thrashed and screamed like an animal caught in a trap. Just like the fawn we saved back then, Hayley was also desperate for survival.
Kyle and I were in disbelief as we sat numb on the floor of his balcony. The smoke from our cigarettes liberating themselves as we watched the ember burn.
“I’m next…I can feel it.”
Kyle uttered, finally breaking the serenity of the cool night. He turned his head and smiled at me, it was nervous and pleading like he was waiting for me to counter his words.
I didn’t even try to sugarcoat anything, there was no use. I tried to jest by saying that there were three of us left but stopped when I couldn’t remember the name of our other friend.
“You speak too soon, I’m still here and….”
My sudden pondering made Kyle inquisitive and I asked him if he remembered our friend’s name and he was rendered to wonder too as he failed to recall as well.
“There were five of us I know it…I just don’t understand why I can’t remember.”
An exasperated sigh left his mouth as his hands covered his face. I tried to ease the tension by saying that all the stress had fogged our brain and that trauma can lead to memory loss.
“It’s how our minds try to protect us.”
“Yeah but to the point of forgetting a friend’s name? Someone we’ve hang out with since highschool?”
I suggested that we looked at pictures then. We ramaged through Kyle’s boxes after the ones we had posted on social media only showed us with Randy and Hayley.
“Oh god what the hell is going on”
Kyle cried out as photo after photo only showed four people when there was supposed to be five.
I was reduced to tears after Kyle had thrown the pictures on the wall, not a single one of them held what we were looking for.
“Hayley asked me once that what if we never left that place at all.”
Kyle situated himself beside on the edge of the bed, defeat evident in his stride.
“Like we’re just dreaming?”
I shook my head as my tears finally fell that made Kyle tear up to. We read online reports about our rescue and they confirmed that there were only four survivors.
“Who the hell was with us in those woods?”
I asked in a monotone voice but Kyle refused to give in by saying that I was right that maybe our trauma caused our memories to jumble and that maybe we just needed more therapy.
I stayed at his place that night as I was too afraid of where I’ll end up and what I might do if I was all alone. Sleep never came to us though and Kyle bid me goodbye that morning that felt like it was the last time.
My feet carried me towards my therapist’s office two days later and I voiced out my troubles then, even allowing myself to lie on the sofa.
She nodded along to my story and everything was fine until she asked me one thing.
“Max tell me, do you feel cold?”
I shot up from my position then that shook my therapist that made her ask me if I was ok.
“What did you say?”
“I asked if there’s anyone else you’ve told?”
“No no you said something else.”
I stated as I felt myself backing up near the door. I didn’t let her answer as I was out of there before she could mutter another word.
Days passed and my appetite for life dwindled down to nothing. Calls from parents went unanswered, work piled up, and I neglected myself the most.
The only thing that made me leave my isolation was when Kyle called while crying on the other line.
“I’m sorry”
The possibility of him harming himself rattled me that I almost crashed on the way to his apartment.
As I ran towards the entrance of his building I found myself colliding with another body. It was a girl who looked terrified and diheveled. She trembled as blood started to flow from her neck while asking for my help.
I learned on later that Kyle had taken the girl agaisnt her will and tried to feast on her. He made that call after changing his mind about harming that girl and even called the authorities himself.
Kyle looked at me like I wasn’t there when they escorted him out and I didn’t know that it was possible to feel something beyond hurt.
Time became a stranger as I surrendered myself to rotting away on my bed. I took that watch with me, making it my only companion as its brokeness mirrored mine.
I answered one call from my parents but their concerned voices meant nothing…they weren’t real anyway.
Sleep came once in a while, especially when I had not consumed anything.
I craved for one thing and I’ve summoned enough self control not to peel the loose skin on my finger.
Before my eyes could fully close for the final time, I heard my name being called by our friend. I felt a hand on my own and that’s when I started to feel the cold that Hayley mentioned.
I felt the melting ice on my back once more as I laid there taking my last intake of breaths. I could see Randy and Hayley on my right while Kyle was on my left and they were all motionless.
I remembered then how we all reached our breaking point and went after eachother.
I struck Randy while his back was turned as he attacked Kyle. After some nights passed Hayley came after me with a broken glass to my side.
Kyle hindered anymore damage by breaking her neck. There was so much indifference in his eyes as he did so.
He didn’t allow me to have more blood on my hands so he ended himself, staring at me like I was a stranger as blood seeped out from his neck while life drained away from his body.
Something pulled me to gaze at the watch I was holding. I managed to laugh when I saw that although the short hand remained at seven, the long hand had moved to the number one.
I threw it away with such callousness as its change in time felt like greatest betrayal.
Hot tears were the only solace left as I finally remembered our friend’s name. I was able to utter it although meekly as my vision started to darken.
Hello death.