I thought it might be a one night stand.
I met her at a bar in New York City late in the night, just before closing. I was in town from Seattle and was looking to catch the last few innings of the game at a Mariners friendly bar I had found online.
She was the only person there, legs folded under her atop the barstool, flirting with the bartender. I thought they might be together, but she was quick to strike up a conversation with me. She had auburn hair which looked colored but not unnatural. It suited her fair skin and slender nose. She wore an oversized hooded sweatshirt which made her look comfortable and at ease. Her beer was halfway gone and she seemed to smile as she spoke.
I asked if she was a Mariners fan— she wasn’t. She lived nearby and needed to get out of her apartment for a little while. There were rats in her apartment and she had set some traps. She didn’t want to hear them snap shut, so here she was. I told her the worst part wasn’t the traps snapping down, but prying open the hammer after the brains or blood had been spilled. She hadn’t thought about that. She asked if I could come back to her place and help her with that part. The game wasn’t over. I didn’t mind.
She didn’t catch anything that night. I told her peanut butter was the way to go. They only used cheese in the cartoons. She said she’d keep it in mind. Then she kissed me. She pulled back to look into my eyes. I didn’t realize how beautiful she was. But then she did something strange. She tilted her head and looked past me. Her eyes registered something behind me. I thought we were alone. I looked back. The room was empty.
I asked her what she saw. She said it was nothing and pulled me back in and led me to her bedroom.
All apartments in New York are small and her bedroom was nearly a closet. But as we undressed and I got on top of her she kept looking past me. I looked back again. The place was nearly dark, but I couldn’t see anything there. Was she still thinking about the rats? No, she said and wanted me to keep going. I had the feeling of being watched. I hated that feeling. I looked around. Were there cameras? I didn’t think so.
Afterwards, when I was walking back to my hotel she texted me. She said she’d call me if she caught any rats. I replied, peanut butter, I’m telling you.
She came to my hotel a few nights later. We flirted as we got to know each other. I asked where she was from, she said North Carolina. I asked where, she said somewhere in the middle. Like Raleigh? I asked. She smiled, exactly like Raleigh. We seemed to naturally fit. I moved toward her and curled her hair behind her ear. I felt that spark of electricity you get when you look deep into a woman’s eyes. I was really into her. But her eyes broke off to the side. She looked around. I did the same.
What could she be looking at? She seemed disappointed and her demeanor changed. She said she should be going, but she had just got to my hotel. It didn’t make sense. So I opened the door for her and just as she was stepping out something caught her eye. She said, maybe she could hang around a little while longer.
We spent the night together. She told me she really liked me. But that she didn’t want it to turn to anything more than what it was. A long distance relationship was the last thing she needed right now. She said let’s keep this just as it was. Just a fling. I’d be gone soon. She didn’t want to get too connected. She had just gotten over a long term relationship. Her last boyfriend had a hard time letting go. She was looking for a reset.
She slept beside me and put her head on my chest. The smell of her shampoo was intoxicating. Her hand had traced my shoulder as she nodded off and I felt lucky. It never was this simple, this effortless. Except that earlier, the whole time she was on top of me, she didn’t look at me. Not once, now that I think about it. Her eyes were locked on the wall beside the bed. Whatever she was looking at turned her on. She bit her lip and damn she was sexy. But what was she looking at?
It went on like this for a few weeks before I was ready to fly home. I started to have dreams about her. Or maybe I’d awake in the night, sometimes it was hard to tell. We’d be in my hotel room or at her place. In the corner of my eye I could see someone standing there. Their figure darker than the surrounding space. It did not move. It had no face, for it’s body was void of any trace of light. But I could feel it staring at me as I laid in bed beside her.
I texted her that I wanted to see her one last time, but she was out with friends. I hadn’t met any of them. But apparently they urged her to invite me, but that I shouldn’t get any ideas. This was just going to be a fling, remember?
I met up with her and her friends at a trendy bar in Brooklyn. They all had curious and suspicious eyes on me. I was outnumbered four-to-one, but I kept my own. After all, I was never going to see any of them again. So I was relaxed and played along with their teasing. She sat beside me with a careless hand wrapped around my arm as we drank and talked. She had an infectious laugh and I knew I was going to miss her. But I caught that look. The look she has when she sees whatever she sees. She was looking off toward the corner of the bar. There was no one there. She excused herself and navigated her way toward the bathroom. I watched her as she went, I didn’t care that her friends knew I was checking her out as she walked away.
Her friends told me it was a shame I was leaving. I was good for her. I got her mind off her last boyfriend. I said she mentioned it was a rough break up. They said is wasn’t a break up at all. He had simply disappeared.
So later that night, after we had said goodbye to her friends, I walked with her toward the subway station. She held my hand as we talked and gossiped about her friends. She was mid-sentence when she suddenly stopped and turned her head to the side, as if to listen to a whisper. She smiled and looked at me. She said she had set some traps back at her place. She wanted to know if I was interested in going back with her to check if maybe she had caught something. She had used the peanut butter. After all, it was my last night in New York City. Her eyes glittered in the reflection of the city lights.
We slipped into her place, and I couldn’t keep my hands off of her. I kissed at her neck and ear and how I loved the smell of her hair. She said she didn’t want me to go. That this was maybe something special, something she hadn’t anticipated. I stopped and looked at her. She meant it. She wanted me to stay longer. Her eyes were finally looking into mine and mine alone.
I wanted to stay. She was right. But I needed to know. So I finally asked her. I asked what she was always looking at, was there someone there? She hesitated. She seemed to retreat a little. I told her it was okay. I wanted to know. Did she see something? Someone? Yes, she said. Are they here right now? I asked. Yes, she said, they’re here right now. They? Can I see them? Promise you won’t leave me, she asked. I told her I wanted to stay. She thought about it before finally saying, okay, kiss me with your eyes closed. I did.
I shivered. The room felt colder than it did before. I felt her hands on my back and shoulders but then felt something else. Someone else touching me. I opened my eyes. He sat at the edge of the bed. I couldn’t quite make out his appearance for his body was cloaked in darkness, not shadow, simply a void of light in the shape of a man. But I could see his eyes looking at me kiss her. He was nodding as if to say, yes, keep kissing her. His hands, or what might have been arms once folded around her and I could feel her excite, and she moved her hips into mine. She was breathing heavy and began to shudder when she bit down on my lip. That’s when I pulled away and saw another shadow beside us, watching, reaching for me. Yes, it said and I heard its voice from within my head as if my own thought and I heard her say, yes, almost in the same instant. I could feel hands pulling me into her from all sides, yes, they kept saying in my thoughts. What the hell was happening? And I was on top of her now, yes they said again and again and she was saying it with them like a chorus or some sacred chant. Stay with me, she said and they repeated her, stay with us… Something was happening, I felt euphoria and an immense fear and dread all at once when she said to never leave her. Yes!, I heard myself saying out loud and they were all around us now, then finally —SNAP!
I stopped, and they were gone. What happened? she said looking around. We were alone again. I got up and walked toward the kitchen. There, by the foot of the refrigerator a small rat had its snout nearly severed in half from the hammer. It’s eyes bulged and blood spilled from its nose. I told her not to look. I would handle it.
I took the trap and walked down the five flights of stairs to the garbage bin. I tossed the entire trap into the bin and looked up. Though no one was there, I could feel their eyes on me.
I got the hell out of there and took the next flight back to Seattle. Part of me feels terrible. Here I asked her to open up, to be vulnerable and show me a part of her. It was scary as hell. I never liked being watched.