We gathered around the backyard, hopefully for the last time. Phantom nightmares lurked around every corner. A dusty tire swing dangled from a fraying rope, held in place by a rotted tree trunk. I remember our mother buying it for us the day after our dad held my head underwater after I argued about taking a bath.
Good cop, bad cop was one thing. But my parents took that shit to another level of mental whiplash entirely. We had thought that we were protecting her, protecting our children. It wasn’t so much what we did, more of what we didn’t do. We didn’t make sure he had his medication before we brought him out, and we certainly didn’t mention him taking it. We didn’t jump to action when his heart began failing. And we definitely didn’t call for medical attention, not until it was too late anyway.
My brother Billy broke the silence. “Well?” He looked at our mother. “Did you get what you needed?”
Mama pasted a grin on her sorrow-worn face as she placed the box on the grass in front of her. “Well here he is, kids. We’re all together once again. Though why he chose this I’ll never know. We never gave a rat’s asshole about the holiday before.”
I cleared my throat. “Daddy really said he wanted his ashes to be made into fireworks?”
Billy was the next to speak, aggression sending spittle spraying through his teeth. “Of course it’s what he wanted. Why would you wait until after it’s done to ask questions. Little mellow Mary… always stirrin’ up shit.”
“Come on, it’s 4th of July. Well almost anyway. We’re a bit early? So what? We oughta get this over with. The whole thing creeps me out.” I admitted.
Mama looked me over for a moment. “Mary, just be lucky he didn’t wanna be made into a diamond or planted in the soil like a tree,” she snapped. “Then we’d have a peace of him looming around forever. This was the cheapest and flashiest option, a perfect fit for your father.”
I cringed. After all we’d done to get even in the end, it still just didn’t seem right to insult the dead. “As sentimental as this memorial send off is, I have no desire to drag it out.”
My mind went utterly blank as I struggled to take a moment to summon one good memory of him, if only for something positive to say. But there was nothing…
Billy once again interrupted my thoughts. “Yeah Ma. Not to be rude but it’s getting hotter by the second out here. I’m sweating my balls off.”
“Billy!” Mother snapped. “What an image to give your mother at an event like this. Where is your decorum?!”
“Momma,” he said. “After what we’ve done I think I’ve earned the right to speak my mind. And don’t get me started on imagery, not after we all caused our father’s last breaths.” He lit the first fuse as mother’s head dropped in shame and ran from the sparked wick like he did when we were kids. Blossoms of color shot into the sky, beautiful hues of purples, greens and blues. We looked upward casually, smoking our cigarettes and sipping our beers under the kaleidoscope of color. It didn’t take long before we had burned through most of them. “It’s time. Only one firework left.”
This one looked different from the others. It was double the size and came in bright red packaging. “That must be him,” Mother commented warily. We were all thinking it, but for some reason it seemed proper to let her be the one to articulate it. She looked at my brother solemnly. “Just remember William. I did all of this to protect you, and Mary too.”
“Yeah but why now?!” I exploded. “Why couldn’t you have saved us while we were kids? The damage is done now mother! We moved out years ago. YOU just didn’t want to have to be the one alone with him, now that we weren’t there to beat on anymore.”
“Well fuck! With all this talk you’d think I was the one you wanted dead. Gimme the lighter Mary.” Mother snapped.
The three of us stood together as she lit the final fuse, jumping back in surprise at the blindingly bright lights that danced from the wick. “A very Happy Independence Day Kids, for all of us.” She lifted her cup before taking a long sip of the last Yuengling.
I jumped back as flashes of red surrounded the sky. We watched the embers of colored flame drift down to the ground we stood on. But unlike the others, they didn’t dissipate before they hit ground. Torrents of fireballs shot down from the roaring firework, burning our skin and clothing like shooting stars of death.
Spots of sunlight spread out through the top of the tent roof like bleach stains as pieces burned away. I winced as a piece of burning plastic fell on my shoulder and stuck there, melding to my skin.
My mother’s hair and blouse razed her face and torso. Fire robbed the breath from her lungs faster than she could feel it. My brother Billy burned along with her as he rushed to her side. “Mary, HELP US!” He pleaded. Unfortunately, fear had rooted me to the spot. Human flesh burns just like any meat would, after the hair singes away of course. But the fat…(Gag) It makes me sick to think about.
A searing hot pain radiated through my back just before total blackness took over.
I survived, blessed enough to be the only one standing under a protected structure. The burns are something I’ll carry with me for the rest of my life.
Paramedics found a note fastened to the bottom of the spent firework canister, surprisingly unaffected by the hailstorm of blaze.
You took my life from me silently, let me take yours with a BANG! See you in Hell— Dad