I still have nightmares about the procedure. It’s been years now but the day still haunts my dreams.
It was 2 pm when I walked into the doctors office for my yearly check up. The sitting area had comfy, modern furniture and a nice light blue paint covering the walls making a light hearted and positive atmosphere. I walk up to the counter, sign my name on the check in seat and walk to the couch set on the far wall. I always liked to be aware of my surroundings, who’s moving where, what they are doing.
The office door opens, “Mr. Knight?” The nurse says with a warm smile. I stand up and make my way over to her. She smiles and instructs me to follow her.
“Having a good day so far?” I ask her.
We turn the corner and walk down a long hallway to room 7. “Sure am, please, have a seat. What are you in for today?”
“Just a yearly, but since I’m here, I’ve been having a lot of pain in my neck just under my jaw. Nothing too extreme, probably a 3 on a scale of 1-10.”
She smiles, “we’ll be sure to check that out. Anything else?”
“No ma’am, I believe that’s it.”
She chuckles, “Excellent, the doctor will be in shortly.”
She leaves the room. The sound of the door softly clicking behind her. I’m left in the room, silent except for the humming of the fluorescent lights.
The knock on the door startles me, shaking me from a day dream. “Hey Knight, how you doin’ today”
“Hey Ryan, not too bad, just some discomfort in my neck, I’m sure the nurse told you.”
He nods and moves over to the table. Like always first thing is vitals, after the routine oil and maintenance is done he moves to check out my neck. His fingers start just below the ear and work their way down the jawbone. He stops suddenly. His eyes widen. “What’s up? Everything okay?”
He looks at me intensely, “Knight, I’m going to have you do a MRI. You have a lump in your neck that causes some concern.”
I start to sweat. “Follow the nurse down the hall, she will get you prepped.”
“This is nothing to worry about right?”
“I’m sure it’s fine Mr. Knight. Please put this on and lay on the table, this shouldn’t take long” The procedure was quick and so was the docs arrival.
“Knight, it seems you have a tumor on your neck we will do some test and then you can go home. We will call you when the results get back.”
The next few days my mind raced. Is it cancer? Is this really happening? It can’t be? I eat healthy, I exercise, I don’t have a history of it.
As the days passed my thoughts turned towards the grave, growing darker, weighing heavier on my mind. The phone rings, after three days. “Hey Knight, I got bad news and I got good news.. it’s cancerous but we can cut it out. If you want the procedure we can schedule you in for tomorrow June 13th.”
“That works I’ll be there, what time?”
“8am you’ll be the first one.”
The receiver clicks. That night was brutal, my mind raced at all the possibilities. Sleep didn’t come easy and when it did the nightmares began. Finally the morning arrives and I head to the office. The sitting room seemed a little colder today. The lady behind the counter tells me to go to operating room 6. The walk felt much longer and gloomier than the one just days before. I sit down in the chair, my foot shaking. Ryan knocks and walks in.
“Hey Knight go ahead and hop on the table. The anesthesiologist will be in shortly.”
A minute later, the anesthesiologist is looking down at me explaining how the meds work and asking if I’m ready. I nod to scared to speak. He hooks up the mask to my face and injects the medication into me. I start to count backwards into nothingness.
The lights are bright and dancing in circles. My body is stiff, I can’t move. I hear some muttering. I see doctors in masks and green cloaks. I feel a slice at my neck. My eyes open in pain as I feel the sharp steel slowly insert next to my vocal cords. The blade drags down and around. I try and speak or wiggle any part of my body. My eyes darting around the room praying for this to end. My head shifts and I hear a scream. I feel the blade tear quickly away from my throat and hear a grotesque snap, then a pop. I see the operating doc look at me, he slowly removes his mask. His smile turns into a snarl. His eyes appear black, “I hope you don’t mind, but I really need to finish.“ My eyes close. I pray for death wanting the pain to end.
I see the lights as I come too. My neck is bandaged. I try to speak, but silence. I see the doctors every night staring at me with malice, the smile turns into a sickening grin as they tear out my throat. It’s been years since I said my last words.