Im on anti depressants, zoloft. Every night, I look forward to sleeping because I’m able to control my dreams.I’m aware that I’m dreaming. I’m able to fly, go anywhere, and visit anyone. The endless possibilities of Astral projection are only limited to what your imagination is capable of.
Here’s the problem sometimes you have bad thoughts. And bad thoughts in a dream you’re aware of being in, manifests itself in bad ways. Everything is going well, then you remember there’s evil shit in the world, and having that little bit of negative thinking is not good when you’re in another plane. So now, every night, I step into a nightmare because now I go to sleep, fearing what I’m going to encounter on the other side.
Mix that with sleep paralysis and it’s like all your night mares coming to life. You feel like you’re awake. You can see the window, the ceiling fan, but you can’t move. I hear loud ass growling getting closer and closer, but I can’t move. And even when I am able to shake my head enough to come out of the paralysis I can’t stay awake. I’ll feel myself slipping back into the nightmare. But I can see everything as if I was awake. So I’m wondering if I’m still dreaming or if I brought something back with me. The growling noise slowly gets closer until it’s in my face, and it feels like whatever it is is about to bite me.
But scarier than that is the baby arms that hold my head and body down. Only they’re grey and pale baby arms. They feel cold as ice. I wish I was more positive so I could dream like I used to. Now, it’s like I started this cycle of negative thoughts, and it keeps getting worse. My grandmother practiced witchcraft and she raised me so I’ve seen shit from the spiritual world growing up.
My grandmother would do cleanses, she would curse people, she would heal people and hurt people. Everyone always talks shit and says she was a very bad person. That’s not how I remember her. To me she was all love and that’s how I remember her. When I would Astral project I would visit her and talk to her even though she passed away in 96’.
On a very bad night something in my nightmare tied a handkerchief around my face and I couldn’t breathe. The real me in the real world, was also having a hard time really breathing. I was aware I wasn’t breathing because I was trying to wake myself up so I could catch my breath again. But the sleep paralysis wasn’t letting me come out of the dream realm. Then everything stopped. The growling was gone, i was able to move again I was on the couch in the living room. I had my head on this old woman’s lap and she was rubbing my head telling me without speaking that everything was fine. I couldn’t see her face but somehow I knew it was my grandmother.
And it’s frustrating because it felt so real, just like the growling and the dead baby arms and the loud noises. I feel like I’m losing touch with reality. I can’t distinguish a dream from something real at night time. I wake myself up a few times at night to escape the torment but the sleep paralysis makes it seem like I bring everything back with me when I do. Does anyone else have this experience with zoloft or other types of anti depressants?