So I don’t know if anyone else has recently heard of a specific brand of headphones called Snake Headphones, but they’re still in their trial stage—meaning only a couple of people have heard of them, if you were invited to test their product out. I’m posting here to see if any of you have had the same, or a similar, experience with their brand. They had a good couple of people—including me—sign up to test their products. We buy them, if we like them, great, if we don’t, we get a refund. Sounds good.
They’re supposed to be really cool, modern, and hip. By that, I mean they’re supposed to have advanced features. On the website that’s selling them (or, well, going to be selling them), (not going to say the name, because I’d rather not have the people who made the website find this), they listed what the advanced features were. I copied and pasted it here:
“Features of Snake Headphones
Advanced Features of Snake Headphones
If you would not like to get the advanced features, please do not listen to anything in Snake Headphones for an hour or longer. If any of the advanced features occur, please do not be alarmed. If you would like a refund or to get in contact with a customer service representative if these advanced features occur, please contact us at SnakeHeadphones@XXXXX.com or call us at XXX-XXX-X842.”
So I thought it was cool, the regular features, but the rest of it? The so-called ‘advanced features’? Bullshit, excuse my language. So I went out and bought them, or, well, I ordered them, but that’s the same thing, because I needed new headphones anyway.
They arrived a week ago.
I listened to music on them for around 30 minutes, and all was well. Took a break, not because I was scared, but because I had some lunch, then listened to another 30 after the break.
I ended up going to bed shortly after taking my headphones off and leaving them on my dresser.
I was an idiot, I’ll admit that much.
When I awoke, I was groggy, half-asleep. My eyes wandered to my dresser, and I realized my headphones were gone.
“Are you kidding me?” I muttered as I rolled my eyes, swinging my legs over the bed, but not getting up yet. My little sister probably took them since they were brand new and shiny and she liked brand new and shiny things, especially if they were mine.
It was then that I heard her screaming.
I scrambled out of bed as fast as I could and raced to her room. As soon as I opened the door and turned on the light, I saw her.
She was hunched over in a corner of the room, my Snake Headphones on her ears. She was covering her face as she faced the wall. Our parents ran in shortly after.
“The hell did you do?” my dad barked at me.
“I didn’t do anything! She took my headphones!” I defended myself, but it sounded weak.
“Honey, hey, let me see,” my mom said softly as she took a step towards her, then took several more. Once she was almost near her, my sister, far too quickly, leapt up and turned her face, then she hissed, literally spitting at mom.
My mom leapt back before the spit touched her, and it landed on the floor harmlessly.
My mom, dad, and I all froze.
My sister had scales on her face. Not much, just a couple. Enough to count. I glanced down at the palms of her hands, and she had a few scales there too.
“Don’t touch the spit,” I managed to get out.
“What?” my mom asked.
“Don’t touch the spit,” I repeated. “It’s… there’s something wrong with it.”
My dad laid an accusing glare on me. “What did you do?”
“I didn’t do anything!” I snapped. “I mean, I knew the effects, but I didn’t think they were being serious!”
“What effects?”
“They’re called Snake Headphones and they’re supposed to be advanced and give you special… special… things. Um. Like… I don’t know. They said that the person could change physically after using them.”
“And you bought them? The hell is wrong with you?”
“I didn’t know! I thought it was a joke!”
“Well, obviously it’s not! Look at what you did to your sister!”
“Stop it!” my sister suddenly yelled. “You’re all being so loud.”
“We need to get you a hospital,” my dad told her, worry etched across his face.
She shook her head. “I don’t think that it’s reversible. I think I’m gonna be stuck this way forever and ever and ever.”
“The phone number!” I suddenly said. “We can call them, ask what to do.”
When we ended up calling them, we were put on hold, because apparently, there were too many calls and upset customers that were also trialing them.
I can’t imagine why that is.
“Hello, this is a Snake Headphones customer service representative speaking. My name is Anne. May I please have your first and last name and the reason why you’re calling today?”
I glanced at my dad, who was still glaring. I put it on speaker. “Uh, yeah. Hi. My name is Andy,” and then I told her my last name. “I’m calling because I ordered Snake Headphones and my sister accidentally got ahold of them, and she wore them for longer than an hour.”
Anne was quiet on the other end for a few moments. “May I please have your order number before anything else?”
“Yeah, it’s… Hang on,” I told her as I scrolled through my emails to find it, before telling her the number.
“Okay…” I heard her typing. “Alright, got it. And your sister, you said she wore them for longer than an hour with no breaks, is that correct?”
“Yes, that’s right.”
“Okay, has she been experiencing any of the advanced features?”
I glanced at her and motioned for her to speak, to which she shook her head. “Um. I don’t know, actually,” I started. “Her skin has scales on it, and she’s hissing and seems to have a slight aversion to my family. She also has poison spit and is faster.”
“Alright, which parts of the body are currently affected? And are you sure her spit is poisonous? Has she spit at anyone? Did anyone come in contact with it physically?”
“Excuse me?” my sister asked into the phone suddenly. “Hi, I’m the sister. Currently there’s some scales on my face and the insides of my hands. Not a lot, but not a small amount, either. No one came in contact with it so I’m not sure.”
“So, in cases like these, I’d still advise for you to be careful with your spit. Don’t spit it at anyone unless you feel threatened. Okay?”
“Okay,” my sister agreed.
“Okay. Can you count how many scales are on your face and hands?”
“There’s ten on my palms and twelve on my face.”
“Okay. Your sibling said you were faster than normal, is that correct?”
“Mhm. I moved way faster.”
“How’s your hearing and vision?”
“Um, it’s fine, I guess? I can still hear normally out of my ears. My vision is fine too.”
“Can you see the colors red, yellow, and orange?”
She glanced around for a second, eyes landing on a poster. “Yeah,” she confirmed.
“Your tongue still whole?”
She paused, before nodding. “Mhm.”
“Okay. Andy, are you still there?”
“I’m here,” I piped up.
“Okay, so, in cases like these, most times, it is reversible. The only time it’s most likely not reversible is when all of the features have shown up, which doesn’t seem to be the case here. From what I can count, there’s only five of the advanced features that have shown up, and while that is kind of a lot, I believe it can still be reversed.”
“Including the scales?”
“Yes, including those too.”
“Okay, how are we able to reverse it?”
“Well, it’s a rather simple solution, actually. All you need to do is buy our NoSnake Headphones.”
“Are you kidding me? Like, seriously?”
“I’m not joking, actually.”
“And what if they don’t work?”
“Well, while it’s still in its trial stage, we’re looking for people to test out both Snake Headphones and NoSnake Headphones. If it’s not to your liking, we will refund the money you spent on both.”
“Fine. Get me the damn headphones.”
It’s been a couple of days since then. I’ve since received a refund. My sister hasn’t shown any signs of improvement, but she did wear the NoSnake Headphones for more than an hour.
Since then, the scales have started to fall off. Slowly, I mean, one by one. Gradually, she stopped hissing at us and stopped avoiding us, and her movements are somewhat back to normal. No freaky speed or anything. We’re still wary of her spit, though, as the customer service representative said that’s one of the last things to go.
We received a letter in the mail today, too.
“From: Snake Headphones
To: Andy XXXXX
Dear Andy,
Our sincerest apologies for the experience that you, your sister, and your family have gone through. To make up for it, please accept these gift cards for Snake Headphones and NoSnake Headphones. This holiday season, you can give the gift of giving headphones, and not just any headphones. Both of our headphones! They are both new and improved, and will certainly no longer cause any of the previous advanced features.
Wishing you Happy Holidays!
From,
Snake Headphones”
I’m not going to give the two gift cards to anyone I know…
So is anyone up for two gift cards?