I have no idea what the hell is going on with my girlfriend. Look, I like her. She’s a great chick. Not bad to look at, amazing cook and does this one thing with her… Anyway. Not relevant.
It started about four days ago. She was watching these nature documentaries of baby sloths or some crap, cutesy girly stuff I guess. And she started tearing up, squealing about “oh they’re just so cute” or something. And then the waterworks started. And got heavier. And heavier. I’ll be honest, after about an hour of it, I started to question if something broke in her head. Her shirt was saturated in tears, water running down her arms and all over my couch. I started freaking out and asked her if she needed an ambulance or a tranq or something.
“Nooo…. I just…. Waaaaaa…. I can’t stop…. I’m thirsty….”
So I got her water. But as fast as she drank, she was crying it all back out. Meanwhile my lounge room is starting to flood and I can see my security deposit vanishing.
After a few hours every bucket, bowl, pot, everything I have that can hold water is full of her tears and she’s still going. I can’t get water into her fast enough and eventually her leaking eyes are turning pink… Slowly becoming less tears and more blood. She’s sobbing hysterically, I’ve begged her to let me call an ambulance. She still wouldn’t let me so I carried her upstairs, getting covered in blood and tears as I walked. I put her in the bath and filled it up, I figured it was the fastest way to get water into her.
By hour 12, she’s damn near falling asleep. Still crying, soba wracking her entire body as she weakly tries to keep her head up. I’m in the corner shaking. I have no idea what to do. I mean I said I like her but not enough to watch her cry herself to death, you know?
By this point I said fuck it, and picked up my phone to call the ambulance. Suddenly, her crying switched to laughter. Angry, loud, piercing laughter that shook her body and made the tears fly even harder, speckling the walls with a crimson mist that was going to be a nightmare to clean. She snaps her head to look at me and with the most hoarse, inhuman voice I’ve ever heard, chokes out between laughs;
“Hey Connor… cough…. Remember texting that laugh bitch Sandy, asking her to come over? Remember how she asked sob what I would do if I knew? more coughs and you said I could… I could… shrill cackle Cry…You…A…. River?”
With that she was back to laughing, crying, screaming, I don’t even know what it was anymore. I felt my heart jump out of my chest, and I just… Everything stopped. I looked into her bloodshot eyes and almost crawled out of the bathroom.
She fuckin knew.
But like… This was too much. I didn’t actually mean it!
I left her there, I couldn’t go back in. For days. Eventually the cackling stopped. And a copper smell started to take over the entire house. And I realised, she’s probably dead.
So I figured, you know, I gotta deal with this right? I got some tools, some tarps and stuff, waited till late at night then went to go get her. I was gonna take her to the forest out of town and bury her then clean the mess she made everywhere. Plan seemed solid, I could fix this. I could make it all go away.
So can someone please explain to me why, when I went to open the bathroom door, I could hear someone laughing?