I(35) grow up without a father in my life. My big brother Felix(55) and my little brother Benny(20) both grow up with father’s. Felix graduated at age 20 when I was born, which was also the time my father divorced my mother and refused 50/50 custody and Benny was born to my stepfather, when I had already finished school and was living on campus following in Felix’s footsteps to become a Lawyer.
Benny had always been looked at like my son and when people asked I just said “yes”. He grew up basically with me spoiling him, I bought him video games, sweets and was the only one around that took him to the park. He was spoiled rotten not only by me but by his parents who could afford to buy him all the best clothes, shoes, phones, etc as both of them were working, a luxury I did not receive.
By the time Benny was 18, he was a slob, his room was always a mess, he played video games all day, he was overweight and he refused to get a job. I even offered him a job as my assistant, which I was disappointed, he just declined. Even so I knew my mom and stepfather would spoil him till he was 40.
Months back now, I received a phone call 2am in the morning from my mom crying on the phone. She told me, Benny was arrested for murder. I had to make sure I wasn’t dreaming but that was the case.
I went to the court and ask about what happened. What they told me, I could not believe… Benny had been arrested for the murder and rape of 14 Girls from ages 13 to 18 and attempted desecration of a corpse. It sounded surreal. “Benny,… ‘my Benny boy’.”
I could not defend him as it was not my field of law but I payed for his lawyer and his bail. I bought pizza and sweets, something I did whenever, I visited my mother’s house.
I greeted my mom and stepdad and went to Benny’s room. I walked in on him playing Cyberpunk 2077 and I wasn’t sure, if I should go in for a hug, I mean I could bearly look the kid in the face at the time. I opted just to greet him. “Hey kiddo.” I said. He look me in my face with a smile,” Are you not gonna hug me, do you already think I’m guilty of those horrible things.” I felt guilty for not hugging but I thought that was his way of telling me, his innocent.”
Why don’t we go sit in the living room and talk. I brought pizza.” I said. I wanted to get out of his messy room, I’m sure he never intended for me to see it in that state. He followed me to the living room in silence.
After finishing the pizza, I knew I needed to ask him about what happened. “Benny, you know you’re my baby brother, no matter what.” I said to him. “These girls, you just had sex with them. You didn’t kill any of them.” I asked hoping for a answer that could give me something to prove his innocence. I mean for Godsake he’s ‘Benny’… Benny who was scared of the dark, Benny who slept with a teddybear, Benny who cowered at the sight of bugs, Benny who had a loving family and two brothers who love him to death. I got really teary-eyed, when he wasn’t responding, it was almost like he was pleading the 5th. Then he told me. “JB, you look at me like I’m some monster….” He sounded like he was saying, “Stop treating me like a child.” almost like something a rebellious teen would say.
I asked him again, fearing his response,” Benny, how did your semen end up in 14 dead girls.” I figured I had to be hard on him for him to grasp the gravity of the situation he was in.” JB, both you and Felix ended up with movie star good looks, great careers and beautiful girlfriends and yet me… I’m stuck with a baby face, a fat belly and I’m unemployed.” Benny said in the coldest voice I had ever heard. I couldn’t understand what I was hearing. Benny was not ugly, he had a baby face and overweight but if he got a haircut, trimmed his beard and dressed more like an adult he was more handsome then both Felix and I.
We sat in silence for a bit, listening to the sound of a soap opera playing on TV. Benny dunked an oreo into his tea before chewing down and giving me the most gruesome smile… black from the oreo, still lingering in his teeth. Then gave me the words no family member wants to hear. “ I did it.” He took a sip of his tea and grabbed another oreo from the pack, I bought. I watched my family around me burst into tears listening to him.
Does he know what he did? He killed and raped fucking children, the youngest was almost as old as my daughter. I watched him chomp down on the snacks I bought him, probably eating his guilt away. When he was done, he went back to his room. I heard his Playstation start up and the sound of springs as he threw his 300lb frame on his bed. His words linger in my head.
His trial is the 16 January 2024 and to be honest, I hope they fucking convict him. I can see, he is no longer the kid, I once knew, but a sick, twisted, cold hearted necrophiliac.
Someone, I can no longer love.