Red or Green , tell me; which gown will look better with the baby bump?” “I think you will look better without any clothes haha” I said nervously expecting a nice chuckle instead of a death stare from my 4-month pregnant wife. “Blu; I mean red, yes red; you will look beautiful in red”I added quickly
“I like the green one more” she said as she left the porch to enter the living room. A smirk on her face was enough of a confirmation that my choice held no value to her. Ever since the day she knew she was pregnant ;I had become a slave with no rest ; from diaper brands to Baby names my opinions had no mass. In these tough times, sitting comfortably on my couch in the porch holding my morning cup of tea in one hand and newspaper in the other hand was my only escape. After the newspaper I used to read whatever mails I had received.
I received a very peculiar mail that day; completely blank from the outside;being a writer I could tell that the paper was of premium quality . Some paper I had never touched before.The positivity that had surrounded my life during that time made me think that it was a letter from some highly established publishing company asking me if they could publish my work. With all my spirits raised high, I opened that mail only to be disappointed upon seeing a dull wrinkly folded small piece of paper inside .I held that paper in my hand and stared at it from all the angles before finally deciding to unfold it to read what’s inside; Slowly as it may be, I finally unfolded the paper and noticed that it was a small torn piece of a whole letter.Written on the top was “4:27 am 28 March” which happened to be my birth date so I initially thought It was a birthday wish from some person with really bad vocabulary or perhaps a learning disability ; but the month at that time was October so it meant that the letter was written 6 months ago which was very strange to be sent by mail this late. This intrigued me and i read that piece without speculating any further.
4:27 am 28 March I nevre talkd about this to you becuz I fel like you always knew I can’t hold on any further, I have decidid to end my life” I am
“Wha! That’s it ? Sounds like a part of some suicide note why would anyone send this to me! Some kind of a unfunny prank ? But the date ,it’s just too random and not random at the same time . Maybe the mail was misdelivered . YES!!! The 6 month delay is then explained and that date must be a coincidence. I should send this to the person that it was written to but how can I ;there’s no address written on the mail.
All such thoughts crossed my mind.
I decided to look up all the suicides that took place on 28th march in the nearby cities but there were none in the entire state.As I was putting the note back into the envelope, my wife rushed in with yet another 2 choices. I hid the envelope under the couch before she could see it I wouldn’t want my pregnant wife to worry about someone’s suicide note
“Hey ! Tell me ; boy or girl”
What a stupid question, it’s not like anyone can control that but I knew she wouldn’t take ‘any will do’ for an answer.
“A Boy” I said ,for no specific reason
“A girl for me then”
Contradicting my every choice was her favourite game at that time although I could never tell if she was actually serious or just pulling my leg.
“We will find out whether it’s a girl or a boy next week so no point discussing ” I attempted to cease the conversation because I was too disturbed by that Mail to play along her games and also partly because I was afraid some other gender that I had never heard of might pop up into the conversation.
The entire week I couldn’t wrap my mind around that note , at times I wished that it was just a prank(I still do to this day), I had trouble sleeping at night to the point that my cheerful wife had started worrying about me but she would never ask me anything almost as if she had written that .Her ‘game of two choices’ was still going on and her choice still opposed my every choice I never asked her why she would do that .
By the end of the week, I had almost stopped worrying about that note . “ My wife must have written it as a prank; I will confront her at the right moment and that’s definitely not today” That day we were going to the doctor ,The gender was to be revealed . Her excitement knew no bounds she wanted me to hurry up so bad , I couldn’t even read the newspaper that day but I did check the mailbox as I did everyday of that week.. My heart sank as I looked inside, a white envelope lying in the mailbox same as the one received a week ago, I didn’t know what to expect. Mustering up all my courage, I took the letter out and decided to read it right then; by just looking at it I could tell that it was the other piece of the suicide note. My wife was out on the porch; her head stuck in the book of baby names trying to get me to play her favourite game.
“Honey! What If it’s a girl ; I loved these two girl names!”
I tried to ignore her and looked at the letter.
I wish my life had ended at that moment
sory I can’t stop thinking that lyfe isn’t for evryone I am soory despite all your effrts I couldn’t stop thinking that no matter what I did it wil never be enuf and I wil never be enuf
“Heyyyy tell me! ALISA OR FARRAH”
I am sory I couldn’t tell you how I have always hated myself No matter how hard you tryd to cheer me up I could always see the sympathy and hopelessnes in your eyes and I hated it!!! Each time I strugled at writing a word or remembering a line that pitiful look on your face came before my eyes But I know you loved me and that is why I am sory
My eyes teared up , I couldn’t read the last 2 lines,they were too blurry, and I was too afraid to read any further ; the two choices finally fell on my ears Alisa is a Hebrew name meaning great happiness FARRAH, in Arabic translates to the same As I was thinking about the names,I cleared my eyes The lines were still blurry but readable
I AM SORY MY BRTH CAME WITH THE LOSS OF YOUR WIFE HApPY BRTHDY PAPA I AM REALY SORY, ALISA
The world felt so quiet, streams of tears flowed through my cheeks, I couldn’t hear a single word of my wife for a moment, I couldn’t utter a word but I had to. I just had to
“Fa…. Farr…….ALISA”
“ALISA it is” my wife declared