My grandpa passed away about four years ago and grandma passed away just recently (miss and love you both). Now that they’re both gone, my family has been going through their things, deciding what to keep, donate, or sell. One day me and my family were going through a storage unit my grandparents had gotten after moving to an assisted living facility. As we got to the back of the unit we stumbled on an old couch buried at the bottom of all the nic nacks and junk. Nothing special about it, it was just a yellow couch with an orange and brown flowery pattern. Basically your typical grandma grandpa couch. The colors had faded, there were a few stains, rips, tears and it smelled like cigarettes. Overall though pretty sound and surprisingly comfy.
Would I ever buy this couch, no, but I’m fresh out of college and free is free so I asked if I could bring it back to my new apartment. My parents, both excited at the idea of not having to deal with it, said go for it. So we loaded it up and brought it back to my building, my dad helped me move it inside, and boom I had a couch. For the first couple weeks it was a fine couch, it did its job and I was satisfied. Then one night I lost my TV remote and things started to get…weird.
I just finished up watching the Red Wings game and was about to head to bed. I reached beside me for the tv remote but it wasn’t there, it actually wasn’t anywhere. It wasn’t on the end tables or the coffee table, wasn’t in the kitchen, wasn’t anywhere it’d usually be. So I figured it must’ve fallen in the cushions. I started reaching around and digging down when I realized I was an elbow deep into the cushions. For reference, the cushions are only like a foot thick so I should have definitely been touching the bottom of the couch. I thought maybe I’m just in a groove that’s open at the bottom and goes to the floor. So I looked under the couch thinking the remote must’ve fallen through to the floor. I checked under the couch and still didn’t see the remote but I noticed that there wasn’t any opening anywhere in the bottom of the couch, just a solid board.
I got on my knees in front of the couch and reached my arm in again. I pushed past my elbow and all the way to my shoulder. There’s a foot of cushion and then the bottom of the couch. My arm, in case you were wondering, is longer than a foot. Even weirder, after the foot of cushion my arm felt like it was in open space, it even felt like there was a slight breeze. I moved my arm up and down between the cushions, along the front and back of the couch, same deal. Even more weird, I moved my arm to the back of the couch, reached out and my arm extended beyond where the back of the couch should’ve been. This was the same on all sides of the couch.
Feeling extremely confused and freaked out I pulled my arm out of the couch. I stood up, took the cushions off the couch and there was the wooden board, nothing out of the ordinary. Put the cushions back on, reached back in, and was again greeted with the vacuum of the void.
My curiosity got the better of me and I decided to play scientist. I grabbed a tape measure, stuck it between the cushions, and began forcing it down and down and down and down and down, all the way down until I hit the max length of the tape measure at 24ft. Even reaching all the way into the cushion with my arm I still couldn’t poke the bottom.
After that failed it was time to get serious. I grabbed my fishing pole, put a bunch of weights on the end of the line and slipped it into a gap in the cushions. I opened the bale and let the line fall. It fell and it fell fast but before I knew it I ran out of line. There wasn’t any slack which meant still no bottom. There was probably like 120 yards of line and still no sign of anything.
I was reeling all the line back in ,which was taking a hot minute, while watching the tv when in an instant the line was pulled back down. The reel spun right out of my hand and when I was finally able to grab it again the line snapped.
I jumped back and hid around the corner in the hallway. After a few moments of losing my shit went by I peaked my head out. Everything seemed normal so I decided that maybe I should leave it alone for the night and went to my room instead. It was eleven but I didn’t care, I was about to start calling people to help me get this stupid fucking couch out of my apartment. I sat down and was about to call one of my buddies when I heard a crash come from the living room.
I snuck out of my room and tiptoed down the hall. I peaked around the corner and saw the couch. There was a large gap in the cushions and some slimy shit on the couch. Suddenly from the kitchen I heard its screech. Freaking out, I again tiptoed back to my room.
I kept a baseball bat in my closet for home security and obviously these exact situations. I grabbed the bat and snuck back out of my room. I peered into the living room which was still clear and I could hear rustling coming from behind the kitchen counter. I slowly made my way to the rustling and snarls. The kitchen counter made a barrier between the kitchen and living room with one open walkway connecting the two areas. There was only one way in and one way out.
My heart was racing as I reached the counter. I took one big breath as I readied my bat. I quickly rounded the corner and I saw it. I yelled in horror at this gross little fucker scuttering around on my kitchen floor. It looked like a horseshoe crab but the size of a house cat, it had a long spiny tail, two eyes on short stalks kinda like a snail, and it had a little mouth with sharp teeth sticking out.
It let out a shrill screech and ran towards me. I let out a scream and started swinging rapidly, completely missing as I fell backwards onto the floor. Me and the creature seemed to have a mutual feeling towards each other because instead of attacking me it ran right past. Still screeching, it made a beeline for the couch. I just watched in confusion as it jumped up and wiggled down between the cushions.
Since then I’ve taken the cushions off the couch which seems to stop whatever is happening in th couch. I keep the cushions locked in my storage closet and I got a new couch because who wants to sit on a cushion-less couch. I also made sure this one was 100% pocket dimension free guaranteed. And yes, I still have the other couch. Most of me would love to just drop it off at the dump and be done with it but for whatever reason, and maybe they didn’t know, my grandparents had it so I’m hesitant to give it up. If any of you have suggestions please throw them out because fuck am I out of my depths. Thanks for reading and remember, be careful reaching into your couch.
;)