It started when I was a baby and it’s been with me for aslong as I can remember. The last couple of years I’ve been trying to free myself from it, however it’s not that easy. It always comes for you. It always haunts your mind. It doesn’t just have me. It has millions of others. Some even join it willingly doing its deeds in the name of good. However they’re also monsters. No better than the entity itself.
I suppose I should back up. I didn’t really know exactly what this thing was until recently. I was kind of blind to what it’s done to me. The way it fundamentally changed who I am, it’s made me a worse person without me knowing. It got in my head and it’s like it caused my brain to rot. Not enough to cause any actual damage, no, if I got my brain scanned the doctors would find nothing abnormal. Yet I know it’s in there, causing damage and wreaking havoc on my mind. As an adult I can see what it’s done.
From when I was a small child the entity appeared as kind. I was educated by it, taught in its ways by those whom it has deceived. You see the entity has the teachers minds like it has mine. Yet they’re enthralled by it and think it can do no wrong. They want to serve it and dedicate their life to it. It promises so much to those who are loyal to. It’s ways. They even praise it, thinking the entity is the truth and has all the answers. These things are what they tried to teach me as a child. I lived it and breathed it. I had a childlike wonder for it. The entity was even better than Santa Clause. Ironically while I never believed in Santa as my parents wouldn’t allow for something so silly, I believed in the Almighty good of the entity.
The entity and its followers did trick me for awhile. I mean how could they not trick a child when that’s all you know as a child? They were kind, benevolent, and promised me the world, they promised me a solution to all of my problems. I fell for it for awhile. The entity is fantastic at deception and manipulation. It made me think I had something very few others had, apart from those whose minds had also been taken over. Yet when I began to look closely I saw how dangerous the entity’s minions are.
Sometimes the entity’s followers go completely insane and commit unspeakable acts. In some of its victims the entity seems to almost take a sick pleasure in seeing how far off the deep end it can make some of its people go. It doesn’t seem to have any reason for this, it just occasionally enjoys sick cruelty. I personally have witnessed the entity drive people insane. They say things they otherwise would not say and they believe what it tells them unquestioningly because they believe its always right and it can do no wrong. Everything the entity would have them do is for the greater good rather than for the power it has by controlling their minds.
And even when the followers aren’t committing criminal acts, or believing in everything the entity says, they’re still causing damage in others. It’s small damage but it adds up over time. Worst of all, they think they’re helping you. And as I grew up it got worse. The entity and its minions started to restrict my life and the freedom that other teenage kids got. These years are when some of its tentacles in my mind started to spread even deeper. It started to restrict what I did with my time, who I saw, and every little aspect of my life. Everything was to satisfy the hold which it had on my brain. I saw the lives teenagers unaffected by the entity lived and thought they were lost, that maybe the entity could save them. Now that I’m older I see the true damage it did. And I desperately wonder if I can ever get any of that back. It robbed me of so much.
As an adult the entity continued to have a hold of me. I continued to think it was all good and had my best interests in mind. I continued to believe it had something for me that no one outside of it ever would. Then the doubt started to seep in. I got really anxious about turning against the entity. What if it turned away from me? What if all the good things it had built up for me were stripped away? But then I started to explore and saw the true freedom that other people had. Chopping away at the tendrils and rot the entity had in my mind was like taking a butter knife to Jack’s bean stalk. Yet I worked, I drove myself crazy wondering what the truth is, I pushed forward not even knowing where I was going. And then it happened.
It was like scales fell from my eyes, I can still feel the entity there and lurking, I can still feel the damage it did, severe damage it is. But for the first time I’m free. I can almost see the rot starting to fade as healthy flesh slowly begins to grow where dark misty tendrils once were. I’m free….
But not so easily. I still feel it beckoning me. I know it’s going to send its messengers to convince me of the great treasure it has. I can hear its music which sounds like bells and organs and its leaders wearing pure white gowns. They’re coming for me, thinking they’re saving me when in reality they just want to push my head back under the ocean and let the entity feed again. I must be able to resist it. I must run for the freedom and never look back. I’ve worked so hard. It can’t suck me back in now. Even as I feel a long tendril on my shoulder as I write this trying to get me back in, I must resist, chop it off, stay strong, and live in my freedom.