If there was one thing Soliloquy hated? She really hated being proven wrong. She knew she couldn’t be right about everything but she HATED being 100% sure she was wrong. It made her look stupid and stupid was something Soliloquy most certainly was not.
She wasn’t like the other kids. Mama said that was okay. We weren’t meant to be like everyone else. What makes us different also makes us special. Soliloquy believed it because there’s no way Mama would lie to her.
Mama was so smart. She’d picked up on all of the little things Soliloquy did as a baby and, then, a toddler. Mama knew Soliloquy was such a “special” girl. Only she truly believed in Soliloquy. She’d never known her Daddy. Mama didn’t care for talking about him too much. From what little Mama did say about him? It’s probably better off that way.
She’d been so little when the first incident happened. Mama knew for certain then. There’d been no doubt left in Mama’s mind. Mama had been busy and didn’t get Soliloquy’s bottle warmed up for her in a timely fashion. She was just a baby and had no way of controlling her anger. It wasn’t poor Mama’s fault, either. She had her hands full being a single mother. It just exploded. Mama said that it scared her so! She was grateful she hadn’t been close to the microwave because the glass went everywhere. Mama knew from that day that she could never be late with Soliloquy’s bottle ever again.
Now? This turdy boy thinks a tomato is a fruit?! Why would he think that?! EVERYONE knows tomatoes are vegetables!
“Dummy! I’m trying to tell you! If you weren’t so freaking poor? Maybe you could afford a cell phone and Google it, Stupid!” Grover Dill was not a nice, cute, clean nor smart boy. All he was to Soliloquy was trouble and headaches. He’d bullied her every since kindergarten and he hadn’t let up one day from then until now. He hasn’t even slowed down in the 6th grade. Mama always tried to talk Soliloquy down when he tormented her so. She really hoped she made it home this time so Mama could do it, again. Soliloquy knew if she had another “spell”? Mama would be so disappointed. Please, please, please, let her make it back home, again.
“At least I’m not named after a Sesame Street muppet!” Soliloquy could feel tears sting her eyes.
“And your name means you talk to yourself!” Grover just had to say something. He couldn’t just let it go.
She was walking away. She was trying so hard. It was happening, though. She wasn’t getting flushed. She was getting HOT!
“GROVER CLAUDE DILL! DON’T SAY NOTHIN’ ELSE TO ME!” Soliloquy was burning up.
“NOTHIN’, WHITE TRASH!” Grover was cackling and Soliloquy was coming unglued.
She kept trying to distract herself. It wasn’t helping. Where would it go this time? What would it mean? She should “put it” somewhere. But put it where?
“Back off! Calm down!” Soliloquy shut her eyes and kept repeating the 2 phrases, over and over, more to herself than anyone. Something was cracking, splitting, something was breaking!
Soliloquy opened her eyes to see Grover Dill standing underneath a tree with a very heavy branch that was cracking and breaking. Of course? Being the hillbilly, redneck, The Hills Have Eyes inbred that he is? He was too busy cackling like an old mountain witch to notice.
“I should tell him. I should. Mama would be disappointed, but I just can’t take anymore of him!” Soliloquy debated with her conscience. She knew it was wrong. You ain’t suppose to be doin’ wrong. Sweet little baby Jesus, she just couldn’t take him, anymore. So? Soliloquy settled on, “What Mama don’t know won’t hurt her.”
She looked up at the branch. It honestly could’ve went either way, at that point. She knew which way it would go this time.
The tree branch groaned in protest as it continued to break away from it’s perch. Then? CRAAAAAAACK! In the words of John Mellencamp (one of Mama’s favorites since she’s from Indiana, too)? It came “Crumblin’ Down.”
It all seemed to happen in slow motion. The branch completely broke free and plummeted towards Grover’s useless head. Soliloquy thought, “It’s going to be more useless in about 3 more seconds.” And? Soliloquy stifled a giggle.
Boom! Soliloquy couldn’t believe what she’d seen. The branch fell on Grover just as he threw his head back to laugh harder. BAM! Smack in his face! Grover let out a guttural scream as the branch slammed his face and the rest of his body folded like an accordion as he fell to the sidewalk. He was breathing really funny and it sounded wet. Oh, no. She thought it would just knock him out! This was more than she could deal with. Mama would know how to handle this. She was so sure of it!
“Better look around and see if anyone was watching.” Soliloquy began scanning the school, playground and sidewalk she was on. School had been over for awhile. No one was around. Don’t ask? Don’t tell. She ran all the way home.
Contrary to the skid mark named Grover Dill’s opinion? She most certainly was not white trash. It was true that all that Mama could afford was a trailer. The trailer was clean and Soliloquy had her own room and she was happy. She didn’t have a problem so why did that poster child for abortion have to say such mean and hurtful things? Did that make him deserving of a death sentence? As Soliloquy peaked the little hill right before her house? She saw Mama out in the front yard. Thank the Lord! She’ll know what to do.
“Soliloquy, Baby? That you?” Mama looked up as she rounded the corner. Soliloquy ran to her until she almost passed out.
“Mama! I didn’t mean to, Mama!” Soliloquy began to plead her case just as soon as she saw her.
“Baby! What’s happened?” Mama’s furrowed brow let Soliloquy know she was very concerned.
“Mama! I swear, Mama!” Soliloquy finally reached Mama and hugged her like she’d never let go.
“Come inside, Baby, and tell me what happened.” Mama took Soliloquy inside and they both sat on the couch. Soliloquy was so happy to be home if not happy about her circumstance.
“Mama! It was Grover, again!” Soliloquy was tearing up
“What did he do this time, Soliloquy?” Mama asked as if she were irritated that his name even got brought up.
“I didn’t know, Mama. I really thought tomatoes were vegetables. Grover told me they are actually fruit.” Soliloquy timidly approached the subject.
“And that was the fight?” Mama knew there had to be more to this.
“No, there was more. That’s just what started it.” Soliloquy replied and Mama nodded her head in acknowledgement.
“He just wouldn’t stop, Mama. He just…” Soliloquy burst into tears.
“Soliloquy? Did you have another spell?” Mama always got right to the point.
Welp. There it was. The time to cough it up. “I tried not to, Mama. Please, believe me!”
“Soliloquy? Tell me what happened and tell me what happened right now. I’m not angry, but I do need to know.” Mama was getting more upset.
“Deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth.” Soliloquy said to herself.
“Okay. We kept arguing and he was saying really nasty things and I was getting so mad, Mama!” She couldn’t hold back.
“He was really hurtful and hateful and I… I…..” Soliloquy tapered off.
“You had a spell?” Mama already knew.
“Yes, Mama. I did.” Soliloquy replied and stayed silent.
“How bad was it, Baby?” Mama resigned herself to the fate of knowing it has most certainly happened, again.
“Bad, bad, Mama.” Soliloquy placed her head in her hands and openly sobbed.
“Baby? Is he dead?” Mama needed to know.
“I don’t know, Mama. I just don’t know.” Soliloquy was racked with sobs.
“Baby, this isn’t your fault. I was hoping it wouldn’t get this bad. I was hoping it’d would never go this far. This is something you just can’t control. There’s no way you can when you get older. It happened to me, too.” Mama said without realizing she’d just turned Soliloquy’s world upside down.
What did she mean it happened to her, too? Wait, what?
“Mama? What do you mean it happened to you?” Soliloquy was certain she’d feel better once she talked to Mama but she most definitely was not feeling better.
“Soliloquy, you’ve had these spells every since you were born. Well? Before you were born? I had them.”
Mama had the spells when she was younger, too?
“I was born like you. I had spells from time to time and it was usually out of my control until I got older. I learned how to self soothe so nothing really bad happened. I thought it was all okay. I really did. Well, when I met your Daddy? I thought I’d never have another spell, again. I really did. I loved him so much. In the beginning? He was good to me, too. Then? Bethany. She just had to come along and screw it up. She was so much prettier and thinner than me and your Daddy just fell head over heels. I was crushed. I was devastated. How can I compete with skinny ass Methany? What could I do to make sure your Daddy stayed with me? Well, I thought of what women have thought of since time immemorial. I got
pregnant. Your Daddy was happy at first. He really wanted you. As time went on? I got bigger and more unattractive as I got further along. Pregnancy isn’t normally when a woman looks her best. Well, that just made your horn dog Daddy run to Bethany even more. I was losing him and couldn’t do a thing about it. One day? A few weeks before I was due to have you? Your Daddy came to me and informed me that he’s moving in with Bethany. He said he wanted nothing further to do with me and would see me in court over visitation and support. He very much wanted to be in your life, but not mine. Well, who in the hell does he think he is? I’ll be damned if he’s coming to see you but doesn’t want me! So? As he stood at the bottom step of our front porch? Flames started licking his workboots and he screamed. I just laughed with delight the whole time he was burning up! When I had you? The “spells” moved onto you and left me.” Mama just smiled at Soliloquy like she just told her what the weather was like outside.
Soliloquy’s head was spinning. Mama killed Daddy because he only wanted me and not her? No. NO! THAT’S NOT IT!
“Mama, you just got mad and it got away from you, right?” Soliloquy hoped she said yes.
“Oh, no, Baby. The second he told me he wanted you but not me? I crisped him like bacon!” Mama laughed. She actually laughed.
Soliloquy didn’t know how to get out of this. Mama actually KILLED her Daddy. She never got to meet him. She never got to love him. She’d never known anything more than the crappy little podunk town she’d been born and raised in. She could’ve known more. She could’ve known nicer. She could’ve known better.
“What’s the matter, Baby? You look unhappy.” Was Mama actually serious? What’s the matter? WHAT’S THE MATTER? SHE HAS GOT TO BE KIDDING!
It started happening. The flames licked onto the outside of the trailer and climbed up its walls and doors.
“Soliloquy! What are you doing? Why are you burning up the trailer? Stop it this instant!” Now Mama was the one angry.
“No, Mama, I can’t do that. You wanted me all to yourself. Well? Here I am. Both of us can head down to hell together.” Soliloquy looked at her with a sinister smile. It was then she just had to laugh. Sesame Street was on the T.V. behind Mama sobbing. Guess Grover got the last laugh after all.