I want to prelude this by saying that I am an atheist. I do not believe in god or, indeed, in supernatural beings of any kind — of course, I am not inclined to run around a cemetery with an ouija board either — but for the most part I am a ‘seeing is believing’ kind of person.
So if anyone is about to suggest that I am possessed, don’t.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve experienced flashes of sensation. I wish I could give a more descriptive term, but if a suitable one exists, I do not know of it. It’s like pain, but it isn’t. I know what pain feels like, and these sensations are not it. Most of the time the they aren’t even particularly distressing.
They’re like flashes; Sharp and sudden, like a full body shudder. Like a flinch perhaps, sort of like static, but nothing like electricity — I have been shocked before; minorly, so I know what that feels like.
Maybe like a spasm? Like something is travelling through my body, pressing against my skin, trying to get out.
I will reiterate; Please do not suggest that I am possessed. I am not. I am a rational person and that is an irrational explanation.
Continuing with my post; These flashes tend to be triggered by certain thoughts. Also as long as I can remember, I have found myself invested in writing and reading literature that includes descriptions of pain, especially ones involving fighting against an outside influence on one’s mind or being — mostly metaphorically —crushed by an overwhelming power.
Reading or thinking of such descriptions, or indeed, imagining any similar scenario, triggers the sensations.
To clarify, I do not enjoy feeling pain, nor do I wish to inflict it on others, and again, I am an atheist. I will not entertain paranormal ‘explanations’, and further, I do not harbour any delusions of grandeur — or ruin — to believe that I am in possession of or possessed by some supernatural power.
These sensations do not cause me significant distress — and in any case rarely appear unless triggered by those thoughts, which I am in control of enough to, by extension, control the sensations.
Although, and this is not something I am proud to admit, I sometimes — irrationally — find myself triggering the sensations on purpose. The pain that is not pain, the flashes, static that is not electricity — like something is crawling through my body, trying to get out. Perhaps I have gotten used to it. Perhaps I want to know that I didn’t imagine it last time. Perhaps I want to feel it again. I want to know what it is.
As I was saying, as the sensations do not cause me significant distress, and I know the triggers well enough to control them, I do not intend to seek medical counsel, though I have done some research on my own.
At my best guess, the sensations are the result of a neurological abnormality that causes tactile hallucinations. Building on that, perhaps my… odd… taste in literature was my way of rationalising the sensations to myself when I was younger, and this association eventually developed into a sort of pavlovian response that triggers the sensations.
If anyone wishes to add on to my theories with theories of their own, please feel free to do so — as long as they are scientific theories based on logical fact and that which can be proven — Again, do not suggest that I am possessed. I will not entertain the irrationality that is the supernatural.
I believe I have said all I needed to say — it is nice to get all of this off my chest.
Oddly enough, the sensations have stopped, and don’t seem to be returning, even when I — in curiosity — try to trigger them. The timing is strange, but the human mind is stranger; Perhaps all I needed was a bit of catharsis.
So we shall pretend that this is a piece of creative writing and not a cry for help. I have given it a title, formatted it nicely and made use of literary devices and creative liberty to make it more appealing to read.
We shall pretend that I did not intend to post this to r/trueoffmychest instead. We shall pretend that this belongs in a horror story subreddit — I hope it does, I know that this subreddit’s rules state that posts must ‘contain a meaningful amount of horror and be framed as a scary personal experience’, and I did try to write it as a horror story — if the mods decide to remove my post, that is fine, I just needed to write this and put it somewhere where my sanity and/or the veracity of my tale will not be called into question.
Yes, we shall pretend.
Again, please do not suggest possession; I don’t want to hear it.