When you live in Raw and you like someone, you can be sure that the rest of the townsfolk will find out in no time. We are the most gossipy people in existence–everybody knows everybody and a secret you might tell a close friend is sure to be passed on to an even closer friend of theirs.
I’m looking at you, Mabel.
When I was eighteen, I had the biggest crush a young girl could have. The object of my affections was Bo Davis. He was twenty years old at the time and worked as a farmhand on Mr Johnson’s property which was located right next to the Lewises’ house. As such, Bo of course knew and to my dismay was great friends with Rory and Matilda Lewis. This was obviously a cause for concern. I was worried that they’d badmouthed me in his presence, or worse, that Matilda was interested in him.
My main concern was for any knowledge of this crush to reach them before I’d have the chance to properly talk to Bo myself. No matter how, I just knew they would try to ruin things for me.
One night, my friend Mabel, she’s the daughter of Camille and Matthew Freedman who run the only art supply shop in town, had come to visit the orchard to see me. We had been planning on going out but I was a bit down so we ended up sitting down on the swings in our garden to talk. She asked me what was troubling me and I confessed it all to her–my feelings for Bo just as well as my worries about him being friends with “the enemy”. I told her to keep her mouth shut about it and she promised she wouldn’t tell anyone.
The next day, everybody knew.
I had to learn it the hard way when Vasily and I went to spend the afternoon at Dante’s after he had finished running errands for Donovan. This was back when I was still very new to the place and not even close to frequenting it the way I do nowadays, making the whole thing even more embarrassing to me.
“So… Bo Davis, huh?” my brother asked casually, waving to Desiree who was on her bartending shift at the time.
I took a deep breath. “How?” I asked sharply.
“Oh. Wasn’t supposed to get out then?”
“Of course not. Who the hell told you?”
“I heard it from Dallas Jones when I got Dad’s whiskey earlier, he knows from Kathy Johnson and she heard it from your friend Mabel.” He grinned awkwardly. “Sorry. I’m betting you told Mabel,” he added.
“She’s getting it for this,” I growled.
“Hey, don’t be upset now,” Vasily tried to comfort me. “A four people chain ain’t too bad. Could be more.”
“That’s not helping.”
He shrugged, giving me another apologetic smile before glancing over at the entrance and quickly turning away again. “Well, then I bet you don’t wanna know who just walked through the door.”
I spun around and there he was. Bo Davis was standing in the doorway, in all of his tall, tan glory. He looked around and upon spotting me took his hat off and walked up to me. I could tell he was grinning, but I couldn’t place the look on his face. I cursed inwardly. He knew. I was sure he knew. Of course, Kathy Johnson had probably told him at work.
“The two Bennetts,” he greeted us. “Good to see you,” he told my brother. “It’s been a while.”
“Sure has,” Vasily replied, looking unsure.
“I’ll be frank, I was looking for your sister. Would you give us a moment?”
“Sure will,” Vasily replied, still looking unsure but willingly getting up from his chair and walking off to the men’s room.
Oh fuck. I had a feeling this wouldn’t be pleasant. I shrunk into my seat, looking up at the young man in front of me.
“So, I heard something from Kathy, and I don’t know if it’s true, but…”
“It probably is, go on.” Screw you, Kathy.
He smiled. “For real? That’s… very nice. Do you wanna go dancing or something sometime then?”
“What?” I must have looked flabbergasted.
“Oh. Okay, this is awkward. See, Kathy told me you liked me and not gonna lie, I was pretty happy about that. I thought I’d ask if you wanted to go out, but if that was just some dumb gossip, I’m really sorry. Didn’t mean to be all weird on you.”
“No, no, it is true!” I stammered, still absolutely aghast but very much trying to pull myself together. “I just kinda didn’t expect you to… uh… I mean I’d love to go out.”
He beamed at me.
We started off slowly. Our first date was at the college bar in town where all the younger people go to dance. I had an amazing time and Bo was the sweetest guy ever. A great dancer too. Afterwards, he walked me home and stayed a few minutes to introduce himself to Donovan. They had known of each other prior to that night of course, but Bo took it as common decency to say hello and Donovan loved it.
“He’s a good boy,” I later overheard him tell Siobhan. “He’s gonna have to stop hanging around the Lewises so much, but he knows what to say, I’ll give him that.”
“And he seems to be such a hard worker,” my mother answered eagerly. “I was scared she’d bring home some deadbeat. I love Pepper but you never know with that girl.”
I was happy. I was in love. Not just that, I saw myself having a future with him. I knew he did too.
From then on, he would pick me up regularly until we’d spend almost every single day together. He wasn’t pushy and the first time we kissed was amazing. Sure, we were both shy and clumsy as hell, but we didn’t care. It was still the greatest feeling ever. This went on for one and a half months. And then it happened.
Raw’s mayor throws a party for all of us every year on his wife’s birthday. It’s this huge, grand festivity that everyone attends whether they want to or not. There’s music blasted through speakers in the townsquare which is probably loud enough for them to hear it over in Pure and there’s fireworks and free booze and cake. It’s wonderful, actually. At that point, I had only attended it once before and I had absolutely loved it, so of course I was looking forward to going there with Bo that year too.
Little did I know that after that night, I would spend the following birthdays of the mayor’s wife locked inside my room, hugging my blanket and crying into my pillow while trying to keep myself from thinking of that young man I had so adored.
I still remember standing side by side with him, watching as the first colorful sparks rose and exploded into the night sky when he leaned in and spoke into my ear. I couldn’t understand him so I motioned for him to repeat himself. He shook his head, took me by the hand and led me off from the small crowd. We actually had to walk for a few minutes until the music had grown quiet enough for us to talk. With all the lights and noise having faded into the background, I almost felt relieved when I could hear his soft, warm voice again.
“I’ve been wanting to tell you something. I don’t want you to feel pressured so make of this what you will for now. So… I used to live with my parents until now but I talked to Mr Adams… he’s the guy who used to live in that small, older house just up the street from yours. I’ve been wanting to move out for a while now and I’ve finally got enough money to actually think about it. Anyways…” He cleared his throat. “As I said, I talked to Adams and he’s letting me have the house for a sum I can actually afford. Like, I will have to pay it off, don’t get me wrong, but it’s mine already. I’m moving in next week. Just gotta pack up my things.”
“That’s awesome,” I began, my cheeks warming up. “You’ll be so much closer!”
“Actually, about that. It really is pretty close. I know we haven’t been a thing for long but I… I really want to have you with me. If that’s too fast for you, it’s okay. But just so you know… if you’d wanna come live with me, I’d love that.” He smiled gently. “Of course, I was just super eager to move out already and you haven’t even been with your family for too long, so I understand if you don’t want to. Just letting you know. This is my invitation, basically.”
I was staring at him with wide eyes. That was a huge step. I had only lived in a set place for one year though, so moving wouldn’t make much of a difference. I could always return home if something went wrong. I was lovestruck; I wanted this. I was about to tell him when he shook his head.
“Okay, you look… affirmative,” he said, chuckling a bit. “But please don’t say yes just yet. I want you to really think about this before you decide. You gotta be sure, you know?”
I shut my mouth again, nodded and smiled. “Wanna go back to the party then?” I suggested.
He grinned. “Sure.”
Just as this word had left his mouth, a high-pitched, ghastly scream cut through the night air, causing me to gasp and stumble against Bo who quickly steadied me on my feet. He too looked shaken.
“What was that?” I uttered, looking around frantically. We weren’t close enough to the mountains for the creatures to be a threat; we were somewhere close to or behind the Johnsons’ farm. There was no one else around but there were no dogs barking either. None of the telltale signs were there.
Bo’s brow trembled as he stood up on his tiptoes to get a better look at our surroundings. “Way too dark to see anything,” he muttered. “Crap.”
“You think we should tell the others?”
“No… we gotta check this out first. Could just be some animal. Foxes in heat can sound scary as hell too and I’ve seen one or two sneak around the farm before.”
“Don’t leave me alone here,” I pleaded.
“Of course not.” He offered me his arm. “Not letting you walk around in the darkness on your own.”
Pressing to his side, I followed him closer to the fenced area in front of the Johnson farm. It’s not the biggest part of their land, simply the one where they grow their vegetables. I could barely make out anything, except for the short moments during which the sky would be illuminated by the bright colorful light of the fireworks.
“Maybe we should get one of our dogs,” I thought aloud.
“I don’t think we need to. That’d be such a huge detour.”
“Do you have some kind of weapon with you at least? Your knife maybe?”
“Hey. Look at me.” He kissed me on the forehead. “We’ll just check this out. Nothing will happen. Not that I’d let you get hurt anyways.” He winked. “No, for real. Everything’s okay. It’ll only be a minute.”
He took a step ahead into the darkness. Another scream pierced the silence and we instantly started into the direction it had come from. We were still close to the Johnsons’ farm, now walking around the fenced area and finally coming to a halt in the back of their house. It wasn’t all that quiet anymore though. We could hear a low, rattling sound which seemed to come and fade again in long intervals. It took me a while to place it.
It was breathing. Someone or something was slowly breathing in and out, loudly too; yet they seemed to have trouble even doing so at all. It sounded almost like they were coughing with the way the air seemed to labor its way in and out of their lungs. It was raspy, heavy and deep. I had never heard anything like it before. The noises sent a chill down my spine as I tried to make out their source.
“Something’s moving over there,” Bo whispered.
I followed his pointing finger. He was right. There was something writhing on the ground. I could see slivers of some lighter color moving around in the darkness. “Is it an animal?” I breathed.
“No… that’d be way smaller,” he replied in a hushed tone. “We need to be careful, there’s this muddy spot over there. The Johnsons’ pet pig always splashes around in it. We might slip if we get too close.”
“You sure it’s not just the pig then? That really did sound a little like a pig grunting just now.”
“It should be inside around now. You’re right though, it might have run off somehow.” He let out a sigh of relief. “I’ll check. You stay here, I don’t want you to slip in the dirt.”
I only reluctantly let go of his arm but stayed in place as he had asked. I watched the sheen of his brown leather jacket being swallowed by the blackness bit by bit.
“Rossa!” he called out, presumably the animal’s name, making a clicking noise with his tongue to get its attention. My heartbeat quickened when I heard his breath hitch.
“What’s wrong?” I whisper-shouted, a strange, nervous tingling sensation in my hands and cheeks.
“This can’t–” Bo’s voice was breathless and stunned. It was cut off by an ear-piercing scream, his scream, and I lunged forward, slipping on the wet ground and falling flat into the dirt. My head made contact with something hard, a stone maybe, and I shrieked with pain. I yelled his name, but only received more cries of terror in response. I struggled to get up, not managing to catch my footing in the mud.
“Where are you?” I screamed, now close to tears. I had lost all sense of orientation; his screams seemed to come from all around me. There was no light anymore, my head was spinning as I desperately spun around again and again hoping to spot his shiny jacket or the pale spot on the ground. “Where are you?!” I cried out once more, louder this time, a feeling in my chest like my heart was about to burst.
From somewhere, I thought I could hear him shout at me to stay back, but his words faded into a sickening gurgle before more agonized howls followed. There was a ringing in my ears. I called his name, pulling on my own hair and sobbing in wild despair as the screams faded into silence, until suddenly, all the lights of the farmhouse came on at once. It was so bright I couldn’t see anything at first. Blinded, I stumbled around, trying to find something to hold onto.
“Good God…” The deep voice of an older man caught my attention, I recognized it to belong to Mr Johnson. The next thing I heard were three shots and a strange, crooked whimper.
“Bo?” I asked once more into the blinding light. However it was Mr Johnson who responded.
“Mother Mary… Pepper Bennett, right? Stay where you are!” He was speaking loudly but he sounded so afraid. He seemed like he was trying his best to stay calm though, talking to me in a forced soft but firm voice. “Don’t move, okay?”
I blinked. I was finally beginning to regain my vision.
“Do not turn around!” the old farmer repeated. “I’m here. It’s alright. Just don’t turn around.”
But I did. I heard him approach me from somewhere behind my back and I turned my head just a little bit. I caught a glimpse of something indescribable. It wasn’t like anything I’d ever seen before. It was lying on its stomach, pale and hairless and twisted and alien. I couldn’t tell if it was a man or a beast at first. But I saw much more than that. I saw blood.
A large, warm hand wrapped itself over my eyes. “Don’t look,” Mr Johnson uttered from right behind me, gently ushering me away. It was too late though. I couldn’t scream anymore. My throat felt like it was burning. All I could do was sob silently as the farmer led me off and brought me back to Donovan and Siobhan who were both extremely confused but immediately took me into their arms.
Mr Johnson had seen Bo and me leave the party. When we hadn’t come back right away, he’d worried we might have been getting up to some kind of mischief. He followed us and was instantly alerted by our screams, so he ran into the house to turn on the floodlights and grab his gun. By the time he returned however, it was too late for Bo. The creature had already torn him apart when he came out to kill it.
My parents brought me to the doctor that same night since I was dizzy and the ringing in my ears wouldn’t stop. He said for the most part, it was probably the shock but that it appeared I had also sustained a light concussion from hitting my head.
The Davises didn’t put any blame on me. I however did. To this day, I’m not sure if I could have saved him, but I know I could have tried harder than I did. If I hadn’t slipped, if I hadn’t panicked… maybe I could have helped. I’m not “over” what happened to him. I just don’t think of it as much anymore. I stopped spending hours just imagining where we would be today if he hadn’t died. I stopped sleeping for days on end because getting up felt pointless. I guess I stopped to tell myself it was my fault too. All of that stopped a long time ago. Deep down however, I know that a part of me died with him that day.
Every year on the day of his death, I spend around three hours in the local cemetery to visit him. I always go there before the mayor’s wife’s birthday party starts so I don’t have to hear any of the commotion. When I was still eighteen, I would spend almost every waking hour by his grave. It was hard to limit it to just once a year, but I’m glad I did. I knew I had to move on with my life eventually. As I said, it stopped a long time ago. I try to remember him instead of his untimely death. I try to remember his smile instead of the closed casket funeral. And when I leave again, I try to forget it all for a little while.
Where the creature came from, no one knew. It wasn’t like the others though. However it closely resembled the one we found in the abandoned house Rocco claimed was haunted.
I’m sorry if this all reads as a bit jumbled. I still get very emotional thinking about it and I’ve never written it all out before. I don’t think I want to ever again.
Since this is my last chance, I guess I should take it to say that Bo Davis was a wonderful young man. I admired him, and no matter if we’d ended up living together or not, I know for sure I would have never stopped cherishing the memories I made with him. I still do.