2 weeks ago I accidentally ran over my sweet dog, “Patty”, as I was on my way to take my daughter, “Elizabeth”, to college. Patty was 14 and had suddenly gone deaf. I never worried about Patty around cars but I realize now that I was careless. Especially since my other dog, “Bobbi”, was oblivious to the dangers of cars so I always looked twice if the dogs were outside. I had taken them both for a quick ride just for fun before Elizabeth and I started our long drive to her school. I stopped at the top of the driveway. I parked and plopped Patty in the side yard. She’s old and I wanted her to have extra potty break. I kept Bobbi in the car bc, as I mentioned, she isn’t careful around cars. Bobbi likes to jump on the side of my car the minute she sees it. Even though I put Patty in the yard, she must have walked right back to the car. To say that my world crashed at that moment is an understatement. My daughter and I were shattered. We were crying out with grief. Patty died while cradled in our arms. Elizabeth and I spent the next few hours digging a hole and putting together a proper burial for Patty. We wrapped her in a blanket and filled the box with happy photos of all of us. Afterwards, Elizabeth and I gathered stones to mark Patty’s grave. I had a dog sitter who was going to watch both of dogs but I felt like it would be traumatic for Bobbi to suddenly be without Patty, or us, for a week. So I decided to bring Bobbi with us. Elizabeth and I spent the next 3 days crying as we drove west. The one positive is that we supported each other and Elizabeth never blamed me.
Moving Elizabeth out of her old place and into the new one required a lot of physical labor, so even though we were constantly talking about her, losing Patty wasn’t on our emotional surface. Not only that, we both had terrible poison ivy rashes from burying Patty. I had vivid, raised red sores running down both my arms. They are just starting to fade. There are great dog parks near my daughter’s school and that was very bittersweet. Bobbi was free to chase balls and get out of the hotel room. But so many little dogs looked like my sweet Patty. Saying goodbye to Elizabeth was really hard and I put it off an extra few days. I had originally booked a flight back. Now, I had a rental car because I had Bobbi with me. Things almost became surreal on the drive back bc I was very close to getting carjacked or trafficked. 2 trucks had blocked me in at a service station off the highway. The parking lot was basically empty and when I realized there were 4 people all watching me as I walked out of the building and my car was between theirs, I went into automatic mode and pulled Bobbi close to me. She is only 30 pounds, but she is intimidating looking with dark fur and a shepherd-like muzzle. When they saw Bobbi, the 4 of them jumped in their cars and backed away. (This is a whole other story on what to look out for when you’re driving long distances by yourself.) I spent the next hour with 911 and a state trooper. And I still had 10 hours to go before I was back home.
Then the maintenance light came on my rental car and Avis sent me to the closest rental location, which was a freaking airport, the day after the east coast was shut down due to storms. (I seriously feel like I should be using exclamation marks after every sentence but I am restraining myself.) I finally got a new rental car, drove for an hour and worried that if anything happened in the middle of the night, I was in real danger. The scary moment where I was boxed in by the 2 trucks was during the day, I can’t imagine how vulnerable I would be at night. I stayed at a Marriott hotel but it was close to the highway and was old. The only room left was an adjoining room and I could hear people talking in there even though it was almost midnight. I moved furniture in front of the doors and slept with the lights on. As soon as the sun came up, I started my drive back home but I was also dreading getting closer by each mile. I predicted it would happen when I was talking to Elizabeth, and sure enough, as soon as I pulled up the driveway, Bobbi ran around like crazy trying to find Patty. It’s been a few days and it’s just sad and overwhelming. Bobbi is curled up on my lap but she keeps sighing, which is breaking my heart. Even writing this, I’m having trouble believing this is my real life for the last 2 weeks. I know so many people are going through terrible pain right now. I’m sure people in Maui and Canada have lost pets in the wildfires so I feel selfish even sharing this but I’m hoping writing it will make tomorrow just a tiny bit better.