bzzt
My phone vibrates in the middle of class. It’s a Snapchat notification from my girlfriend. The teacher isn’t looking in my direction so I pull out my phone to open it. I feel tears well up in my eyes and I process what I’m seeing.
The video starts off with a face. My girlfriend’s face. She’s making facial expressions similar to the ones she makes when we have sex. Then the camera moves. I see her breasts, exposed, moving up and down. The camera moves again. Downward, towards a place I thought I was the only one allowed to experience. The video ends.
bzzt
Another video from my girlfriend. I almost puke as I open it. All I see is my best friend. He’s moving back and forth, doing motions that you know I’m referring to. I close the video and put my phone away. I’m disgusted.
My best friend is fucking my girlfriend. In her bed. Now it makes sense why they’re both not at school. God, I’m so fucking stupid. I should’ve realized it sooner. All the play hitting, him making her laugh, her blushing when she sees him. How long has this been going on for? I go through the rest of my classes, that video playing over and over again in my head. Fuck.
I arrive home after school. I run to the bathroom and vomit in the toilet. I’m surprised I held it in that long. After I’m done, I lay on the bathroom floor and cry. Tears run down my cheek and onto the floor.
bzzt
Another Snapchat notification. From my girlfriend, again. I don’t want to open it. But at the same time, I’m intrigued what it’s going to be. I tap on the notification. Just a picture this time. A picture of her face, smiling. She’s captioned it, “how was ur day? :)”
The fuck? Is she fucking stupid? She knows that that video was sent to me. I leave her on opened. I’m furious, but depressed at the same time. I want to commit. My mom is home. She can’t know. I have nothing to kill myself with in my room. I browse the internet for opinions. That’s when it hits me. Drug overdose. All of the medicine is upstairs, so I can’t just down a bottle of Tylenol in front of my mom.
bzzt
Another Snapchat notification. I don’t bother opening it. I scroll through article after article on how to overdose without my parents knowing. That’s when I come across a link at the bottom of a website. I click on it.
It brings me to this page. It’s basically blank, except for a banner up at the top that says “The 24 Hour Drug. A short, discrete suicide,” and an order form. I fill out the form, putting in the information of a stupid Visa gift card I got as a birthday present from my aunt.
bzzt
The big bold “CONFIRM ORDER” button was the only thing stopping me from doing this. I hover the cursor over the button, and click it. I’m greeted with a blank white screen with only a line of text that says, “ORDER CONFIRMED. YOUR PACKAGE WILL ARRIVE IN 1-3 BUSINESS DAYS.”
I couldn’t wait. Finally, I wouldn’t have to live with this misery anymore. My best friend could have her. I would be living my best life in Heaven.
bzzzzzzzzzzt. bzzzzzzzzzzt.
My phone starts vibrating again. My girlfriend is calling me. I stare at the screen for a few seconds before pressing the decline button, and then blocking her number and Snapchat account. I would have to encounter her at school the next day, but it wouldn’t matter. I would deal with her then.
I wake up the next morning, my mom is calling my name. I get dressed, brush my hair and teeth, and walk downstairs. A package is sitting on the table. It has my name on it. I knew what it was.
“What is this?” my mom asks.
I tell her it’s just a few video games I bought online. I take the package and run up the stairs back to my room before she can ask any more questions.
I tear open the package. There’s an orange pill bottle, containing a singular, green pill. I open the bottle and hold the pill in my hand. I swallow the pill. It was simple. All I had to do now was wait 24 hours and I wouldn’t have to suffer anymore. The time was 6:34 in the morning. 6:34 AM tomorrow, and I’ll be dead. It was perfect.
I walk to school that morning, taking the long way so I don’t encounter anyone I don’t want to talk to. This is my last day on Earth, I might as well make the most of it.
I walk through the front doors of the brick building. My fellow students and classmates and walking down the halls, talking to each other. They don’t know what I did this morning. Nobody does but me. That was the best part.
Shit hit the fan as soon as first period started. The headache, oh my God, the headache was terrible. I expected this to be painless. It felt like I was getting repeatedly uppercut by Mike Tyson.
Then the Visions started appearing during third period. Shadowy, faceless characters appearing all around the classroom. One came up to me and started speaking gibberish. It was terrible.
Lunch. I couldn’t get any food down. This day was already terrible enough, so can you guess what made it worse? Both my girlfriend and best friend came and sat next to me. The video I saw the day before played on loop inside of my head. They tried speaking to me, but I tuned them out. My best friend punched me in the gut, and then walked away with my girlfriend. Ex girlfriend now. Her and I weren’t together anymore, clearly. It didn’t take a genius to figure that one out.
I made it through the rest of the day, with more Visions appearing and the reoccurring headache. I ran out of the school as soon as that last bell rang. I ran home and into my room. The Visions followed though. They were with me everywhere I went. I couldn’t shake them no matter what I did. I layed in bed, thoughts racing, that video playing over and over again. I couldn’t get it out of my head.
Time flew quickly. Really quickly. It seemed like all I did was blink and it was 2:27 AM. The Visions were still there. They spoke English now, however.
“Do you really want to die?” one asked.
“Pain is only temporary,” another said.
A Vision grabbed my hand, and pulled me out of bed. I followed it. It led me out my front door and into the woods behind my house. A long walk followed, until we made it to a pit. A dark pit. A dark pit with Visions climbing out, screaming, moaning. One grabbed my ankle and tried to pull me in. I kicked at it until it let go. I pit started to grow bigger.
“This,” a Vision said. “This is your future. This is where you’re going to end up.”
I ran away from that pit and back into my house. I made it to my room and locked the door. I heard groaning and cries on the other side of my door. The Visions. They followed me home. I looked at the clock. 6:27 AM. The door to my room broke off of the hinges and Visions flooded in. I cried as they brought me back to that pit.
I made a mistake swallowing that pill. I’ve been falling. Falling for what seems to be an eternity, that sickening video playing over and over again in my head. This is Hell.
I don’t want to die anymore.