College is beyond stressful. As much I love learning, hanging out with my friends and living my life the way I want to, the deadlines and exams are cruel. Sometimes I am so stressed that it starts taking a physical toll on me. One time I had my period for more than fifteen days because I was so stressed. It happens.
Last week I was up at 3am on a week day furiously typing a report that had to be submitted the next day. Surprising it was not because of my problematic procrastination but because of a incompetent professor who had conveniently forgotten to mention that our report had to be minimum 100 pages. It’s ridiculous but there isn’t much you can do when they hold authority and your degree over your head. It was a group project and thankfully I had gotten a decent group so I was glad that I hadn’t had to do all the work by myself.
I was tired and my eyes were stinging. At that point I had ran out of things to actually report and was merely trying to hit the word count. Just when I was about to say fuck it and give up someone entered the google doc I was on. Anonymous kangaroo. I smiled thinking some other poor student was also up. Suffering is a little better with companionship. I took a picture of my screen with the time 3:11am visible and sent it to my team’s group chat.
Within minutes I had received a couple of laughing and crying emojis. All four of my group members were up. Like I said college is exhausting. My smile dropped when someone asked who was that. “I thought it was one of you lol?” I replied. I received fours negative responses. Thinking they were joking I checked my doc again and sure enough there was the anonymous kangaroo. My eyes lazily scanned the screen and widened when I realized that I was my private doc. I usually have my own file where I can freely type and edit before adding it to the main document. I have this weird fear of people looking at my mistakes and thinking that I am dumb.
Sitting up straight I checked the docs history and I hadn’t shared the link with anyone. I immediately copied and pasted the content in a word document fearing that someone had hacked into my google docs. Why would anyone do that? What was I even supposed to do?
In my sleep deprived state I scrolled up and found the other users cursor. Creating a makeshift whiteboard in the middle of my content I typed
“Hey who are you?”
The cursor blinked at me for a couple of seconds. I thought that maybe it was a glitch but before I could leave the doc the cursor moved.
“Hi…”
I waited for them to continue but nothing happened.
“Hey? Did I share the doc’s link with you?”
I asked. I thought maybe I had done that without remembering.
“No… “
“Then how are you here?”
“Cause I want to be…”
I rolled my eyes annoyed. I didn’t have the patience or energy to deal with whoever that was. It had to be someone trying to entertain themselves in the tiring time. Without replying I moved on to my word document and resumed my typing but I couldn’t shake off the weird sense of unease. Someone invading your privacy is never fun. After 30 minutes, curiosity got the best of me and I opened the docs again. There it was the anonymous kangaroo. That was not the worst part it was the messages they had left me
“Cause I want to be closer to you…”
“This is the closest I can get to you now…”
“It’s almost like I am inside your brain… “
“You continue your work I will just watch…”
“Please…”
“Hello…?”
“…”
“I will find other ways to be closer…”
“I always do…”
I felt my heart drop. I desperately tried to convince myself that it was one of my friends pulling an awful prank.
“Ha ha very funny”
I typed hoping and praying that this person would just give up. Unlike the first time the cursor moved frantically after my message. They didn’t type anything. Instead it was a picture. It took a second for the picture to load but when it did I almost screamed. It was a picture of my dorm from the outside. The picture focused on my translucent window. I threw myself off the bed and crawled over the window to close the curtains. I didn’t know if the picture was a live one but I didn’t want to take any chances. I ran back to my bed to get my phone to call the campus security.
Another picture was added. It was almost same as the previous one but with the curtains drawn. My call connect almost immediately and I tried my best to remain calm. Within minutes the two of the campus securities were outside my door. I pulled on a jacket before opening the door. Almost four in the morning and scared shitless I wasn’t exactly presentable. I showed them the pictures and they called for the head of the dorms and the student RA.
I felt guilty that I was waking up these people at the crack of dawn but they were so understanding and sweet that I almost immediately felt better. All four of them went to check out the spot from which the pictures were taken but came back empty handed. The RA helped me install a security app on my laptop and the HOD reassured me that I would be moved to a different dorm the very next day.
Feeling safer than I did before I thanked them while fighting down tears. When they all left I felt the room shrink and the silence deafening me. “Just few more hours and I will be out of here” I reassured myself. I was so ready to close my laptop but I still had work to do. Like I said college is so fucking exhausting. The doc was already opened. Just before I could close it the cursor moved and my tears won our fight.
“You looked gorgeous and smelt great I can’t believe I almost got to touch your soft skin…”
It’s been exactly a week since the incident. I moved to a different room but I do not feel any better. The messages haven’t stopped. Some days it’s short “I miss you” and other days it’s elaborate poems with me as their muse. Thankfully I didn’t receive anymore pictures.I tried escalating the issue but there wasn’t much they could do. They did ask me to delete the doc but I haven’t. I know it is one of the four people that came to my recuse and I am determined to expose the anonymous kangaroo.