I’ve been avoiding this Black Dog for as long as I can remember . It was a sunny spring day the day my wonderful Aunt passed away . I was in a state of grief , shock , total disbelief.
As I was walking home I noticed this black dog following me . I’ve never been a one for animals, I owned a goldfish once ..but that ended badly . The poor bugger was killed by Dewberry bubble bath . I thought cleaning it out would’ve been a good idea ….Well as you can imagine it wasn’t ( RIP Rocky)..
Anyway back to the story . Every day I would see this dog aimlessly following me . Sometimes out the corner of my eye , Sometimes at the shops , Never too close but never too far either .
Life went on and i went about my life . I got married , Had a daughter . Life was good .. until it wasn’t .
I spiralled , Not in the sense of drinking or drugs ( Absolutely not ) . I felt like my mind was broken . I could feel every emotion my friends could feel .. A real empath ya know !
I had terrible lows … The kind of lows where you’re on a run away train and you can’t get off…. Some days I wanted to jump out of my skin . I noticed on the darker days this dog was always by my side , Never in full view but just enough to know he was there.
It was comforting I suppose.
I have a great marriage, a beautiful daughter whom we adore . We also lost a baby 5 years ago . A piece of my heart broke that day ( We had big plans for you little one ). However we’re blessed with our one and only daughter .
She makes me happy every day . If only I could bottle the happiness she feels. She knows love and we give her it tenfold !!
If only I could feel normal … If someone offered me 1 million pounds or to feel like my old self … I would take the latter in a heart beat.
As I trudged through life , I lost family and friends along the way to suicide , cancer, Covid…. I felt pain for every single one , I carried that grief and i tried to move on , I really did .
The Dog started getting closer , Enough that I could see the side of his head , Just enough to catch a glimpse of this beautiful black dog . I never really noticed how pretty he was before .
His mane was jet black and it had the most amazing eyes full of wonder .
It’s been following me for years and i finally saw him today, all of him , all of that pain , all of that grief . It suddenly dawned on me ..
That dog is me …
That dog is depression .