I grew up in a small town in Ireland and for a while, I never fit in with anyone.
I had trouble making friends, I would fixate on the same few shows, every sense of mine would overwhelm me whether it’s because something is too hot, cold, itchy, loud, smelly, or bright. And for some reason, everyone seems to just hate me even if they don’t know me.
My parents were the same way. They were always weirdly cold towards me and often ignored my needs, not caring if it caused me to start crying.
My parents were fairly religious and superstitious. My parents worked with the church and had a pretty good reputation.
I never understood why I was so different.
But, a common thing that I kept being called was “Changeling”.
In case anyone doesn’t know, a changeling is a type of fairy in European folklore that swaps children with their own for the human parents to care for.
I didn’t want to believe I was one, but after a while, I started to believe it.
At the time, there was no other explanation. We lived in a very isolated town, my parents forbade me from the internet, and the nearest doctor was an hour out of town.
Sometimes I would go out and ask the fairies to take me back because I clearly didn’t belong with everyone. Obviously, it didn’t work, but it was worth a shot.
I was 16 during this time and my day at school was like any other. Getting slammed into lockers, being called horrible names, being ignored by teachers, getting in trouble for pretty much no reason, the usual.
I ate alone like usual. I tend to eat the same thing because it’s predictable. My usual lunch was a corned beef sandwich with mustard and pickles, a coke zero, and crisps.
My usual bully, Finn, came up and picked up my soda.
“Oi, Siobhan! Want this?”
I kept my cool. “Yes. Now, give it back.”
Finn looked like he was setting my soda down. But he sharply raised it and threw it into a wall, causing the can to burst.
I took deep breaths. I wanted to be the bigger person even if Finn made my life hell.
“What’s wrong, Changeling? Gonna cry?”
I felt my heart pound and my body temperature rise. I tried my best to keep calm even if I felt like I was gonna cry.
“Everyone, look! Changeling’s gonna cry!”
I finally had it. I picked up my lunch box, which was metal, and smacked him in the head with it. Not hard enough to seriously hurt or kill him, but enough to get my message across.
Finn cried out as his forehead bled.
The cafeteria was dead silent. A monitor took me to the headmaster’s office.
“Miss MacPhearson! Do you have anything to say for yourself?”
I kept my cool, but this isn’t the first time my bullying was never taken seriously. “He had been bullying me. I stood up for myself. But, I’m the one getting in trouble?”
The headmaster got angrier. “You assaulted him! He’s in the hospital!”
“Like how he’s been assaulting me?” I asked.
I had detention once again. Normally, I’d be alone with one other teacher. But this time, one other person was there.
They were a punk. He was tall, athletic, and wore all sorts of piercings.
They looked at me. “What are you in for?”
“I smacked my bully with a lunchbox.”
“Wait, are you Changeling?” The punk asked.
I sighed. “Yes, but please don’t call me that.”
The punk realized that he said something offensive. “Sorry. I never heard your real name. What is it?”
“Siobhan.”
“I’m Sean.” He replied.
“It’s so ridiculous that I got in trouble for defending myself while the eejit that’s been assaulting me for years gets away scot free.” I grumble in frustration.
“Yeah, that’s pretty fucked. I wish I could defend you.”
“How long have you been here, Sean?”
“Only a few weeks. I just know that everyone calls you a pretty mean nickname.”
“Yeah. It’s because I’m different. I do weird things and everything always feels weird.”
Sean just shrugged. “I don’t mind. I mean, I’m an oddball, too.”
“Well, when I mean weird for me, I just mean I feel different from people. Sometimes I wonder if I am actually a changeling.” I explained.
Sean looked at me with sympathy. “I mean. I don’t think you are. Maybe you just have something human about you.”
I shrugged. “I guess.”
Sean gave me a smile. We both got out of detention.
I normally don’t go home when I got detention because my parents would have beaten my ass.
My parents knew I was being bullied, but didn’t care.
I don’t think my parents cared about a lot of things.
I have never been to a doctor for anything.
And despite me never coming home after detention, they never went looking for me or even called anyone and would forget about it all by tomorrow.
I would always go to the local library to read or work for the librarian.
Me and Sean walked out of the school. Normally, I would have gone to the library. But something stopped me.
“Hey, Sean! Can I go to your house?”
“Yeah! Come on!”
We walked to a small house. We walked in and it was empty and a bit messy.
“Excuse the mess, my mum is out of town for a while. Means we can do what we want!” Sean said.
We went up to their bedroom. The bedroom looked like how you would expect a punk’s bedroom to look. Messy, band posters, energy drink cans everywhere, and dark.
“Welcome to Casa de Sean! Have a seat.”
I sat on a beanbag chair. Sean sat on his bed across from me.
“So, Siobhan. Tell me a bit about yourself?”
“Well, I am 16 years old. My parents are Mary and Rick Macpherson. I haven’t been to a doctor, and we don’t have the internet-“ I stopped when I saw Sean’s face go from happily intrigued to concerned.
“That’s…Not right.”
“What? Do your parent’s not have the internet because they say that it will summon the devil? And that you don’t need the doctor because God takes over from there?” I asked.
“No?” Sean said, confused by what I was saying.
I felt a sense of dread in my stomach. I knew my parents were a bit out there in terms of raising me, but now there is another layer.
“Sean. Are my parents hiding something?”
Sean rubbed the back of their head. “I’m not sure, but forbidding the internet and medical neglect are red flags.”
I wasn’t sure how to feel. “Well, I already knew my parents hated me. I mean, there was a reason I asked to go to your house.”
Sean seemed to catch on to what I was saying. “I think there is something your parents aren’t telling you. Stay here tonight.”
I stayed the night. In the morning after a breakfast of junk food, we discussed the plan.
Next weekend, we will go to the hospital and look for my medical records and confront my parents.
After I snuck home, I pretended like everything was normal.
I started seeing Sean more and we became close friends.
My parents did not like Sean. I found this out when I was about to leave for school.
I was about to leave until my mom stopped me.
“Siobhan. I don’t want you around Sean.”
This confused me. She never cared about me until now.
“I’m sorry?”
“That hooligan is a bad influence!”
For the first time in 12 years, I snapped.
“You never fucking cared about me! Why now do you care about who I’m with!? Haven’t you noticed the times I never came home!? The bullying I recieved!? The many times I was hurt by my bullies!? I haven’t even been taken to a doctor! Why do you care now!?”
My mother looked surprised. And then her face twisted into anger and she slapped me across the face hard enough to make my cheek bleed.
“How dare you say that to me, Changeling!? Your own mother!”
My father came in, overhearing the whole thing. He grabbed me by my hair and shoved me into my room. He slammed it and I heard him lock it.
“You will stay in there and repent, devil child!” My father shouted.
I cried harder than I ever did. I heard talking and I put my ear up to the door.
“We should keep her here. If she finds out the truth, we’ll be arrested for sure.” My mother said.
Truth?
“I told you we should have homeschooled her!” My father said back.
I didn’t have a phone so I couldn’t call Sean. We only communicated through an old house phone. And that phone was in the living room.
I sat in my room for the whole day, starving, bored, and alone.
Until I heard clinking at the window. I opened it and saw Sean.
“What the fuck, Siobhan?!” Sean stage whispered to me to avoid alerting my parents. “Why did you ditch me!?”
I turned my head to show the bruise on my cheek. Sean calmed down and realized what happened.
I had tears in my eyes. “My mum locked me in my room. I don’t have a cell phone. They are keeping me prisoner.”
Sean gasped. “Okay. Here’s what I want you to do. Get your bag, get a few changes of clothes, and climb down. We are going through with our plan early!”
I nodded and did as instructed as quietly as possible. I climbed out carefully until I was down.
I saw the lights kick on and we hurried out as quickly as possible. We managed to get in Sean’s car in time before my parents went to check on me.
We drove off to the hospital. We were coming down from the rush of having to get past my parents.
As we drove, my stomach growled. We decided to grab dinner at a fast food place once we were out far enough from town.
Once we were back on the road, we were quiet. I think we were just wired from all of the sneaking around.
Sean spoke. “Y’know, Siobhan. My parents suck too. My mum leaves me alone for days to even a month on end.”
“Yeah, I gathered. No responsible parent would let their child eat Doritos and Monster for breakfast.”
“Yeah.” Sean laughed. “I probably have many health issues.”
We both continued to chat about our terrible parents until we saw the hospital.
It was late at night and most of it was dark.
We snuck in through an emergency exit. We crept around looking for where they keep medical records.
We saw the sign for the record room and got in. We found the computer and I typed in my name.
I found my record, not expecting much. Until I saw something interesting.
“Siobhan Macpherson was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder at age four after her parents, Mary and Rick Macpherson, grew concerned about her development being slower than normal, overstimulation, repetition, and hyperfixation on the same topics.
After testing and asking questions, we were able to diagnose her properly and point her parents to resources to help her.
The parents seemed in denial of her disorder and rejected the resources.”
We read and Sean looked appalled.
“What?” I asked.
Sean typed something on their phone. On his phone was the definition of ASD. I read all of the symptoms and it all made sense.
I was never a changeling. My parents called me a changeling to deny my autism. They would rather have a fairy over an autistic child.
I felt sick.
I fell to my knees and cried. This whole time, I lived a lie.
Sean rubbed my back to comfort me.
“I’m sorry you had to find out this way.” Sean said.
“This whole time. This whole fucking time I was abused by everyone because my parents hated the idea that I had a disability!”
Sean continued rubbing my back.
The door opened and we jumped.
It was a doctor with gray red hair and a beard. “Hey! You’re not supposed to be here! This is private!”
“Sir, I am Siobhan Macpherson! I need to tell you something!”
“Wait. Siobhan?” The doctor seemed to remember and got excited. “Oh, I remember you! You were just a wee little lass! Look how big you are! How have you been?”
I started to remember him. He was younger and I remember him being really fun and excitable.
“Sir, I’m afraid things have never been good.”
I sat him down and explained everything that happened to me. The more the doctor listened, the angrier he got.
“Ugh! How horrible! I swear, parents think they know better than a doctor! I blame that pornstar!” The doctor exclaimed in disgust.
“Sir, may we take her record with us back home?” Sean asked.
“Go ahead, but let me come with you. You may need an adult to help you.”
We agreed and drove back, ready to confront my parents.
When we got home, we came back to a chaotic sight. Everyone was gathered in the town square with improvised weapons.
We got out of our cars to confront the town.
My mother pointed to Sean. “There he is! That hooligan kidnapped my daughter!”
“What-No! I went of my own accord!” I sputtered out.
“Look at that bruise on you, Siobhan!” My father shouted.
“Mum gave me that! You were there!” I shouted back.
The townsfolk now seemed confused as to who to believe.
I took Sean’s phone and showed my mother the medical record.
“Look! You have been lying to me and abusing me all my life! You called me a changeling because you couldn’t stand the idea of your child not being like you!”
My mother pulled my hair and threw me to the ground.
The crowd gasped.
Sean came in. “Yeah! And not to mention that you all just went along with it without thought! You are all a bunch of sheep!”
The doctor came out. “Couldn’t have said it better myself.”
The doctor helped me up and looked over my injuries. He had me sit down and wait.
“Mr and Mrs. Macpherson, you may have tried to hide it, but if anyone is a monster, it’s you two. Abusing, neglecting, and lying to your daughter is no more evil than any fae could do. I will be calling TUSLA and having your daughter taken away.”
The town began whispering amongst themselves as the doctor dialed for TUSLA.
Me and Sean gathered.
“So, whenever I get my own phone, can I have your number?” I asked.
Sean nodded and pulled out a napkin. He wrote it down with a pen and gave it to me.
My parents were arrested and I was taken away. I was put in a boarding school until I was 18. While not perfect, it was better than what I had to deal with for 12 years.
Me and Sean still talk and became very good friends. I left that town and never went back.
Sean and I now live in Dublin together. I started college not too long ago and I am studying to be a psychologist.
Sometimes I think about that town and feel nothing but contempt for almost everyone there. I can’t imagine almost an entire town hating a child for something so insignificant.
But, after speaking with fellow autistic people online in a discord server, it’s a really common experience. It’s really sad how horrible people can be to people who are different.
But, I hope that when I graduate, I can help people like me. I can help my fellow changelings.