“Chips?”
Her nostrils inflated slightly as she inhaled the smell. I could tell that she was hungry by the way she wet her lips like a conditioned dog.
I smiled, moving my notebook and pen from the seat beside me, “They’re fresh!”
She smiled before sitting down on the bench, placing the carrier bag down. I glanced at it. Groceries.
I gave her all of the chips and she nodded her thanks. In between eating, she rambled on about her family as I pretended to listen, smiling and nodding politely at regular intervals.
I knew nothing about her apart from where she shopped and what the name I had given her was. Doris Tome.
I’d been sitting here for an hour before she arrived.
Doris stopped eating and turned to me, a confusing look on her face.
I smiled as she shut her mouth. Her pupils became enlarged until they were but black circles surrounded with a thin ring of green. Doris looked as if she were in a trance.
I turned Doris’ head to face forward and then checked the time; 19:34.
It’s dark enough.
Getting out an mp3 player from my pocket I unraveled the headphones from it and then placed the notebook and pen on her lap.
I stood up and looked back at her, shrugging, “There was no real reason why I picked you. It could have been anyone,” I paused, putting the headphones in each of her ears, “I have opened your eyes and mind.”
I pushed play on the MP3 player, slipped it into her pocket and then walked away.
Doris Tome was the first fully successful subject of the test; the first to understand the method, prove the hypothesis and follow the instructions correctly.
Two days after I had left Doris, the notebook and pen were mailed back to me.
In keeping with protocols and the need for documented proof, I will now quote directly from that notebook;
“I, Doris Tome, write, as instructed, all of my thoughts and feelings and give full consent in my participation.
19:40 -Six minutes in and the music has begun. I’ve started breathing slower and am, generally, more relaxed.
19:55 -The streetlight above the bench has turned on which means I can see what I am writing.
19:56 - Directly opposite where I sit there is a two way road but the cars, for some reason, I have only just noticed. I cannot describe the music in my ears and I barely notice it is playing anymore.
19:59 -My legs are numb.
20:04 -I am staring at two eyes which are created by the gaps in the hedge directly opposite where I sit.
It is not man made but is difficult to believe that it is not.
20:08 -I have stopped blinking. Not because I can’t but because I don’t want to.
I don’t know why.
It frightens me.
20:10 -The two eyes have sockets hosting nothing but eternal blackness.
20:20 -My skin is tingling as if I am cold but I do not shiver. The eyes draw me in. I feel their dark sockets mocking me.
20:30 -I am no longer aware of my body nor of my surroundings.
This sensation frightens me.
I no longer have a sense of time.
I try to shout. Try to let the eyes know that they aren’t frightening me.
But they are.
I have lost my identity, my body and my voice. It has taken them. The eyes release me for a second and I look down.
They did not release me at all; they just wanted me to sink deeper so that they can steal everything else from me.
I tell myself that I am not lost to it yet. But I am.
I have made a discovery.
Underneath the soulless eyes is a gaping mouth.
I’m sure it would make me vomit if I still had a body.
The Face does not have an expression.
But I see terror.
The mouth is shaped as if it were screaming. The blackness fills it.
What intrigues me is that I cannot tell if it is the victim, the torturer…or both?
The Face is impossible in the way that it has captivated me. It both mocks and comforts me.
The Face silently tells me that I belong to it and I tend to agree.
Despite the darkness closing in, I don’t lose sight of The Face. Not of my own accord.
So now it has stripped me of my will, too.
It has toyed with me and now the toy is broken.
Now it can dismantle what is left.
My sanity.
I have no will to control my thoughts now and so the terror of its expression seeps into my brain.
It knows me now.
Fear. I wonder if this is what it is like.
It’s making me see images. The Face hasn’t moved or re-shaped but I see it laughing.
Laughing at my leftovers silently screaming.
I sink ever deeper into the knowing eyes. They know what awaits me.
I cannot blink or look away from the demonic slideshow of images. I am the victim in every picture.
I cannot blink or look away.
They are burnt in my brain.
The final picture depicts that I am the torturer.
I rape, murder and dismember.
I eat flesh.
I bathe in blood.
All in the same picture; a tapestry of terror.
It lingers in my head.
I see myself laughing sadistically.
Sweet schadenfreude.
I hate The Face…but I also love it. I can see it clearer.
It has taken everything now.
Including my sanity.
Exquisite elocation.
But then, suddenly, the image is replaced by The Face. I do not sink in it. It is simply there.
I feel the cold on my skin.
I blink.
The Face is lost in the darkness.”
Doris didn’t survive; she killed herself the day after I received the notebook. Of course I was relieved to hear of this.
The participant had to be selected at random and I couldn’t use her own name due to experimental rules.
They pick the test as much as it picks them. They are not forced or threatened to take the food.
I now feel as I did after looking into the face; I feel no pain.
I am glad of the way I reacted to The Face. I know that if I had any sins then I would go the way of Frank Seep and Doris Tome.
I have tried to understand all of this but failed to. Until now.
I understand now.
I understand that testing could only lead to their death. I understand why The Face picked me to aid you.
I understand in Frank Seep’s case, he could not learn that the only way to absolve his sins was to kill himself and although i may have been the one to help him in his death, I am still clean. I am still without sin.
But then the The Face brought me Doris, just as it brought me to you, and she saw the error of her ways. As you instructed me, after I had found someone who didn’t require help, my experiment ended.
I’ll mail you the three notebooks.
Good luck with your experiment.
I hope I have passed and await further instructions.
My pupils are beginning to shrink.
I can only think of my favourite food.
Chips.