I haven’t told this story publicly before. It was a part of a group of experiences that I had many years ago. For years I’ve experienced grief, night terrors, depression, and anxiety and I’ve probably gone through at least two dozen licensed therapists and social workers without much progress.
Perhaps writing this and sharing it with others will provide the catharsis that I need. Although I’ll be honest with you…I wouldn’t wish this experience on my worst enemy. Not because it’s so viscerally bad, but because it has reached down inside of me and perverted my very sense of everything.
Anyway, years ago my father was very sick. He had been diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder that was incurable. It progressed quickly over the course of a few years. We had all thought that he would die as things were getting pretty bad and he was on palliative care to keep him comfortable
That’s where my dad’s childhood friend Joe comes into the picture. Joe was like the uncle we never had. He always showed up to the birthday parties with awesome gifts, he was willing to horse around and play with us, and he didn’t seem so “adult”.
But there was one thing that wasn’t so great about Joe. He was religious. I don’t say that to suggest that religion is inherently bad. But for “Uncle Joe” it was excessive. No matter how much fun we had, you could bet your ass that Joe was going to recite some parable from the New Testament, or tell you about some stupid thing they had going on at his church that week.
Anyway, back to my dying father…I’ll never forget this day as long as I live. Uncle Joe had come to visit. He seemed - uneasy. But it was apparent that he needed to talk to Dad. Whatever it was, all I know is what I heard that day.
“Ricky I’ve been praying for you. I know things are pretty bad right now and it ain’t looking so hot.”
My dad had hardly been talking at that point but he had conversations when he could. For Uncle Joe, he was willing to make that time.
“Joey I’m just doing my best to take things a day at a time. My clock is almost up pal. I hate it but it’s true.”
“Rick, I know you’re not a Jesus freak, and I know you never were too gung-ho about going to church. But there’s this thing happening in a couple of days and I really want you to consider it.”
My dad wasn’t religious and he certainly never forced the idea of church on us. Most of the time the topic wasn’t brought up with him among family or friends and today was no exception.
“No Joey, I’m on painkillers, I’ve talked to every doctor on the fucking planet, and it’s just my time. I want to be at peace and have some dignity at this point.”
I don’t ever remember Uncle Joe being much of a crier but at that point, he was sobbing uncontrollably and there was a desperation in the sound of his voice.
“Ricky, please. Do it for me. I ain’t never asked you for anything but to be my friend for all these years. Just do this one thing for me.”
I remember Dad’s demeanor seemed to change at that moment. Probably because Uncle Joe wasn’t wrong. He was my dad’s best friend. He could always count on him.
“Joey. I love you. You’re like a brother to me. If you really want this last thing, I’ll do it. But tell me, man. What the fuck are we even talking about?”
Then Uncle Joey pulled a folded pamphlet from his pants pocket. The whole atmosphere of the room seemed to change at that very moment.
“Close the door, Ricky. I think you and I better talk about this alone.”
I remember being as clueless as Dad was and I can still see the incredulous look on Dad’s face when Uncle Joe asked that question. But that was the last part of the conversation that I could hear.
-
Two days later I woke up for breakfast and Dad was waiting for me at the table. He was dressed to go out and there were bags packed on the floor.
“Son, Uncle Joey and I are going to this event. I want you to come with us. I could use the moral support and if you want we can pick up a friend for you to go with.”
I remember being tired, half-asleep, and confused at that moment but I knew that if I had to take a friend it was going to be Danny Harris. He was probably my closest friend. We had known each other since kindergarten and in those days we both had similar interests. Game Boy games, Magic the Gathering, and Pearl Jam among other things.
Needless to say, we picked up Danny that morning and headed off on whatever the hell this adventure was. Me, Danny, Dad, and Uncle Joe.
I remember it was early afternoon when we got to the place. Maybe around 2 pm or something and there were lots of cars. Wherever we were I knew it was a school of some kind since I could see a playground nearby. Many of the people coming out of their cars were dressed formally. A few weren’t. We got out of the car and headed towards an area that appeared to be a gymnasium. Outside there was a large sign.
Janet Hartford - The Miracle Tour of Faith
Going inside I remember there was a choir on top of a stage located towards the front. There was also a keyboard player who was playing with a setting that sounded like one of those old church organs. The only song I can remember being played and sung was “How Great Thou Art”. It’s a song I’ve come to hate…
We were all seated in metal chairs on a basketball court. All around the sides of the chairs were various arrangements of flowers. Poinsettias, roses, and carnations are some of what I can remember. There was also some sort of incense being burned although I couldn’t to this day tell you exactly what it smelled like.
At some point, the choir started into a new tune and then, she - came on stage.
In my mind, I still don’t even think she was quite human when I think back to it now. I can see her floating on that stage almost like she was in some sort of a ballet. She wore a long-sleeved white dress and her movements were dramatic. She waved her hands wildly to the hymn being sung. She twirled and frilled out her dress in time with the music. It was….hypnotic.
I won’t say she was beautiful or really even pretty. But she was striking. Her eyes were almost catlike and it seemed like she rarely blinked. When she spoke it was very theatrical. Labored and with an almost sing-song quality to it. Sometimes I can still hear her in my own head.
“Brothers - and sisters. Thank you for attending this most sacred gathering.”
Her voice seemed soft but there was a firmness to it. She was wired to a mic, but at times her voice would carry across the gym.
“We have all come together to witness the power of the Holy Spirit. We seek to be slain by the Almighty Power and to feel the glory of His presence. We ask for love and light to come into our lives and cast out the darkness within.”
I can still see Dad shaking his head and muttering curse words under his breath at that point.
But it became quite clear to me that something odd was happening here. The room felt - off. There was something present with us but I wasn’t sure what it was. The ambiance of the place just wasn’t typical. Danny was furiously trying to beat Mario Bros 2 on his Gameboy next to me and even though I had some games with me too I was too focused on what was going on.
Then the thing with that girl happened.
Yes, the thing with the girl.
There was a teenage girl in a wheelchair and she was seated close to the front. All around the stage, there were ushers. They all were dressed exactly the same. Navy blue pinstriped suits, and bright red ties. One of the ushers pushed the girl up a ramp and onto the stage.
Janet was standing at the center of the stage when she was taken up. She looked at the girl and placed a microphone near her mouth.
“Tell me, child, what is your name?”
“ Uhhh- my name is Julia.”
Janet smiled and gently caressed her cheek.
“Julia, how long have you been in this wheelchair?”
The girl’s voice was soft and she seemed timid with her response.
“I had an accident when I was six. I haven’t been able to walk in eight years.”
Janet’s eyes widened and she nearly shrieked with her reply…
“Eight years?! Why a child like you should be running about and enjoying life. Tell me, Julia. Do you want to walk again?”
At that point, the tears began to stream down Julia’s face. She nodded hastily. It was obvious that it pained her to be disabled. Then suddenly Janet became unhinged. Her eyes widened, she raised her hands into to air, and she practically yelled towards the ceiling.
“I COMMAND THEE THY HOLY SPIRIT. COME DOWN AND LIFT THIS CHILD TO HER FEET. FREE HER OF THIS AILMENT. LET HER WALK ON SOLID GROUND!!”
At that very moment, the wheelchair flew back nearly ten feet and there was a blinding flash of light. The wheelchair had crashed over the stage and the wheels were spinning wildly round and around. But Julia wasn’t in the wheelchair….she was standing upright on the stage.
“Oh my fucking God.”
I looked up and my Dad was absolutely stunned. The color had drained from his face and it looked like he had seen a ghost.
Janet waved her hands towards the audience - who then erupted in applause and cheers. The sounds of clapping, screams, and shouts of praise mixed together into one dull roar.
“ And that - my brothers and sisters…. is the power of the Holy Spirit at work! Surely you must believe that this is an act of God?!”
At that point, shit started getting weird. At least for me it did. People started to cry and speak this odd gibberish - which I later learned was them, “speaking in tongues.” Grown men were dancing about the gym floor singing songs I couldn’t understand. Women were falling directly to the ground. Amens were being thrown about in screams wildly and without care.
Then that was when I noticed it.
I looked over to the seat next to me.
Danny was gone.