My name is Jaison Hearne. I’m a Freelance Fixer. I investigate or solve problems for anyone, human or not, with enough money to pay my rates. Unfortunately, by the time anyone is looking for my help, things have already gone very wrong.
On January 5 one of the higher-ups in Forestry Services hired me to investigate the disappearance of Andrew Jensen. People go missing in national parks every year. However, there were oddities associated with this disappearance that left investigators disturbed.
Andrew Jensen was in his mid 30’s, fit, and approximately six feet tall. According to friends and family, he enjoyed the survivalist lifestyle and evangelizing. It was not unusual for Andrew to spend days in the forest alone, making Christian survivalist videos for his YouTube channel. Andrew’s most watched video was how to trap and skin a rabbit for Jesus.
Andrew was reported at risk by a friend who dropped Andrew off in the woods near Bright Lake on December 30.
On December 31, an unusual winter storm settled in the Bright Lake area. Local cell towers were damaged, and cellular communication in the area was cut off until January 3.
Ranger Station Bright Lake was closed for the season. After the storm, all roads leading to or from the station were blocked by 18 inches of snow. No vehicle marks were seen.
The only evidence of wildlife or “human” movement in the area led from the north entrance of the Ranger Station along the Woodward path towards Bright Lake.
Traces of a bioluminescent compound have been found in samples taken from the Ranger Station and the path. The presence of bioluminescent markers further corroborates the evidence from the smartphone.
Also, the “person” somehow melted through the lake’s ice. The ice depth was measured at three inches on January 2.
Samples taken from Bright Lake also tested positive for a bioluminescent compound.
The following recordings have been transcribed from a smartphone collected at Ranger Station Bright Lake on January 2.
Videos and photos have been omitted at this time. The images are graphic and disturbing.
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January 1 12:32 am
God, this whole trip was a dumb idea.
New year, new me. Just drop me off in the woods, Brad. I’ll be fine. I just want time to myself to pray.
Bla bla bla.
I’m an idiot.
I have no cell reception. The storm must have done something to the towers.
(frustrated laugh)
I’m so stupid. Why can’t I make good choices?
At least I’m not cold. That’s something. It’s freaky, but it’s something.
(breathing)
Okay, game face, let’s do it.
3, 2, 1.
Yo Yo Yo, it’s your boy Andrew.
Man, it was all so amazing before the storm started. There was snow on the ground, but it wasn’t cold. And the lake, wow. I’ve never seen water do that before. The way it glowed. God makes amazing things.
I mean, that light looked so blue and pure. It looked like what I imagine the holy spirit looks like. And with the mist rolling off the water, the whole thing looked alive. It felt alive when I jumped in. Electric.
It was a blessing. It truly was.
I didn’t think I’d be doing a polar plunge on New Year, but I wanted to start the year off right.
Gosh, it’s coming down. The storm is just right on top of me.
The storm hit when I went under the water. I knew it was coming, but it wasn’t supposed to be like this. It took the whole camp. I have no idea where my tent is or my folding chair. They just blew away. I didn’t know snow tornadoes were a thing, but they are.
(The sound of the wind made Andrew’s words inaudible for 10 seconds)
Okay, so what do I have. I’m wet, but I have clothes and my backpack, so there is food. Not much food but enough for a few days and some Sterno. And as always, Jesus is with me; I can rely on him.
Also, there’s a rangers station up this path. As long as I can find a place to sleep out of the wind, I should be fine.
Sweet sweet sweet.
Take a little B role and I’m good.
God, I hope I’m not getting Hypothermia. I feel hotter than I should.
End Recording
January 1 3:25 am
Made it to the Rangers Station. It’s not much bigger than a shed. The wooden siding and metal roof almost make it look like a modern tiny home.
Hey, Jesus only had a manger, so I’m going to be okay.
(Laughs)
I had to break the back window to get in, but I’m sure they won’t mind too much. It’s not like I’m stealing. I’m just trying not to die.
There’s a wood stove, a cot, a light, and one outlet. I think all the power comes from the Solar panels on the roof.
I just lit a fire in the wood stove.
I’m still fine temperature wise which is bazaar because I know it’s freezing out here. But hey, god works in mysterious ways.
The station has power from some solar panel unit, but I might have to brush the snow off the panels if I’m here for a few days. I have my power brick with me, so I should be able to charge the phone even if I can’t get the snow off the solar panels.
I’m going to try to get some sleep but first, a big shout-out to my sponsor Jerusalem Granola.
If it wasn’t for these little powerhouse bars and the faith and love they’re made with, I’m not sure if I would have had enough energy to face this storm.
(pause)
I’m going to get so many views on this one.
End Recording
January 1, 2:56 pm
Um.
(pause)
There’s something wrong with my feet. I can see through the skin, like I can see the bone and muscles and stuff. And, my feet are all slimy and gummy.
I have no idea what I got into.
Like, is this drugs? Do drugs do this?
I had some weed once. But that was in Colorado, and weed is legal there, so it wasn’t like a sin or anything. Was it?
(excited breathing)
Oh God
I’m hot, like really hot. I took off all my clothes, and my feet were so gross.
I don’t know.
I don’t know.
I can’t stand. I tried to stand, but I couldn’t. I can’t put pressure on them. They are too soft, and they hurt.
Oh god, they hurt.
What the heck is happening?
(Deep breathing)
Still no cell reception.
Still no cell.
Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy.
Please god.
End Recording
January 1, 5:28 pm
So now my calves are clear. I can see through them, and I’m not on drugs.
And golly gee Jehosaphat, My feet are extra slimy. It’s like they’re making their own snot. I’m a snot foot.
And I can’t walk because everything is all gross and soft.
It all just wobbles. I lift my legs up, and everything lower than the knee just flops around.
Why is this happening? What did I do? I’ve always been so good.
(deep breath)
Oh god, I think my toes are gone.
(wimper)
Oh God, what did I do?
End Recording
January 1, 9:59 pm
My legs have fused together. They are very slimy, like a slug.
I am Slug Man. The world’s most worthless superhero.
(Deep breath)
I’m trying not to freak out.
I ate a granola bar. It was okay.
My legs are jelly. Wobbly bits of blue goo. Gooey blue bits wobble too.
(laughs)
(deep breath)
Whatever is happening is happening so fast. I can literally see the change creeping up my body.
It’s coming for the boys next.
(manic laughter)
The old twig and berries are gonna get gooified.
(laughter)
(inarticulate weeping)
End Recording
January 1, 10:37 pm
My penis is gone, and I can see inside my stomach.
I can see that granola bar. It’s dissolving. I can see the pieces floating away. The pieces are turning into something else.
(pause)
I am the granola bar.
(sigh)
I’m still hot.
Still hot.
Too hot.
I might be too hot.
The fire is out, and I’m hot.
I slid off the cot because it was hot. I need more cold like the floor.
(singing)
Slug Man Slug Man doing the things a slug can. He’s the man. He’s Slug Man.
(humming)
I wonder if I can still poop?
End Recording
January 1, 11:26 pm
My arms are fusing with my body, and it’s getting harder to talk.
I’m hot.
(long pause)
Mom, and Dad, I love you guys.
Brad, you’re a good dude, even if you did drive me to my death.
(raspy laughter)
I’m just being a jerk now.
I’m sorry I wasn’t better.
(shaky breath)
I’m sorry I wasn’t better. I’ve been praying and thinking, and I know I’ve been focusing on the wrong things. So I’m sorry.
I got so used to showing the world my faith that I forgot what that faith was supposed to mean. How I should hold others in my heart. Even if they can’t help my brand.
I don’t know. I’m not saying this right.
(deep breaths)
I’d like to see that lake again if I can do one more thing. I want to go back. I want to see it glow. It really was magical.
Isn’t that stupid? That’s so stupid.
Why? Why would I go back to that?
(long pause)
Because it was beautiful.
It was beautiful, and that glow was alive. I know it was.
(snotty gurgling sound)
I’ll leave my stuff here. I need to see that lake.
(laughs)
New year, new me.
End Recording
-—————–
The recordings suggested that the entity in the lake is alive or has a life force and can induce Therianthropy in its host. This, along with the lake’s freshwater, bioluminescence, and the unusual behavior of the storm, led me to believe that Andrew may have had an indirect encounter with the Sabawaelnu during a mating ritual.
I contacted the Mi’kmaq tribe in the region. I learned that the Sabawaelnu did conduct a ceremony over the New Year. The spawning was unusually successful. Resulting in a larger-than-normal clutch of eggs.
My contact at the Forestry Service has been notified.