I’m new to reddit and hope this is the right place, I really need some help. I’m so glad to have found this place to finally talk about my lack of sleep - it’s comforting to know I’m not the only one. I’ve not had a full night’s sleep in about 4 weeks now and I’m reaching a breaking point, can anyone out there help?
It could be work stress, family issues or something else, but deep down, I know it’s the Man that’s keeping me awake. I’m just not sure why.
I’ve only met the Man once.
I was working late at home, laptop on my knee, puppy fast asleep beside me with some rubbish on the TV to keep me company when Poppy (my puppy) bolted awake. This isn’t an extraordinary act in itself, but when she began a guttural growl at the window, I began to feel uneasy.
I rose towards the window, knowing it was likely a local cat or pesky squirrel outside teasing her now she’s locked inside. The closer I got to my closed curtains however, the more my stomach dropped, adrenaline pouring into my veins. I scolded myself for being so silly, I’m just being over cautious, although as a woman living alone you can’t blame me surely?
Bracing myself for monsters, ghosts or worse as I pulled back the curtain, I peered out into the night and saw… nothing.
The unease didn’t subside as I peered out into the empty road, unsure what Poppy was now barking incessantly at.
And then I saw the Man.
Crouching behind a car, dressed in all black, I could make out the top of his bald head behind the bonnet.
I quickly shut the curtains, hoping it was just a passer by tying his shoelaces and nothing more sinister, but my body clearly thought otherwise, as my heart was now hammering out of my chest.
I dared another peek out of the curtains, praying the Man would be gone and I could go to bed and put this behind me. This time the Man wasn’t hiding behind the car.
He stood on top of it, staring into my window, eyes boring into mine.
How had he got up there so quickly and quietly? Who the fuck was this person?
And why wasn’t I moving away? Our eyes were connected and I couldn’t look away. I tried to break the contact, to look anywhere else but I physically couldn’t. I couldn’t see much of his face or even his eyes, other than the small whites. But I could feel the Man. I could feel the Man inside me, reaching around my soul, around my brain, going deeper into my very being the longer our eyes were locked.
I willed myself to look away, to turn my head so I could call the police, but my body no longer belonged to myself, I was rooted to the spot, unable to do anything as I felt the Man more and more within myself. I could hear Poppy, now whining and shrieking in distress, could feel her pawing at my leg, begging for me to give her attention but still my eyes were locked on the Man.
I felt the Man smile. I could feel the Man enjoying my distress and fear, getting off on it.
Finally, a sharp burst of pain in my hand pulled me back to my senses and allowed me to break the hold. I looked down and Poppy had bitten me, hard enough to break through the skin, my hand was gushing with blood.
I looked back to the window, but the Man was gone, with no evidence anyone, or anything was ever there.
By the time I’d called the police, they found or saw nothing of course, fixed up my hand and calmed down a very apologetic Poppy, I was exhausted to my core. I lay in bed, ready to forget this entire situation and closed my eyes.
All I could see was the Man. All I could feel in my soul was the Man. Prying in my memories, making me relive the worst moments of my life, pushing my negative thoughts to the forefront of my mind. It was torture, I’ve worked very hard to get over my negative self image, but every time I tried to sleep all I could feel was every awful thing I’ve ever thought about myself.
Worthless, stupid, ugly, fat, pathetic. Why are you even still here? The world would be better off without you.
I’ve managed to sleep of course, hours here and there, but every second of sleep is plagued with nightmares, frustration and depressive thoughts. They’ve started to creep into my waking thoughts too, when I’m trying to relax or do something nice I can’t help but think if the Man is right and everyone would be better off without me.
Am I losing my mind? I know this sounds ridiculous, but I have the scar on my hand which reminds me this happened. I know it did, I know the Man is in my head messing with me, pushing me to darker and darker places. Poppy knows too, she’s taken to sleeping across me instead of in her bed, never leaving me alone when I try to sleep.
Why is the Man doing this? Has anyone else met the Man?
Please help, I’m not sure how much longer I can keep the Man out and I’m scared.