I can’t explain what has happened to me the past few weeks, but I’m gonna try. I was just watching TV as usual and then the commercial popped up. It was an old style commercial used to advertise the McDonalds new mascot, Mr Snuggles. He was a normal clown, with weird makeup and a white dress or gown type thing. But one thing struck me as odd: the bow tie. It wasn’t a normal bow-tie, instead, it was made out of two red latex gloves, like hands.
For some reason this really freaked me out and I always just flicked to another channel when the ad came on. Until one day, when I was catching up on my favorite soap opera. The drama was interrupted with a deep, almost childlike voice saying, “We’ll be right back after the ads.” Then a commercial for some kind of snack came on and in the background I swear I saw Mr Snuggles. I rubbed my eyes and looked again, but it was gone. Then a toilet paper ad came on, and again, there was a flash of Mr Snuggles in the background. I turned off the TV and decided that it was time for bed. Obviously I was seeing things because I hadn’t gotten enough sleep.
As I was walking up the stairs, I heard something coming from the living room. It was TV static. I looked at the TV from the stairs and saw that it was on. I slowly walked back down the stairs and watched the television cautiously. Suddenly the channels started playing for just long enough to hear a word, then they would switch. The words seemed deliberately chosen, as if someone was controlling my TV. First there was an “Eye”. Then there was a switch, then a “will”. Another switch, then a “kill”. Switch, and then “you.”
Eye. Will. Kill. You. I will kill you. I didn’t have time to register what I’d heard before the commercial came on. It was the McDonalds one. Mr Snuggles walked into the restaurant, made the same knock-knock joke about the Big Mac, and then it turned and looked at me. “Are you hungry, John?” My eyes widened. It said my name. I grabbed the remote and hit the off button. The TV turned off and then back on again. This time there was a closeup of the clown with a hideous grin. “That wasn’t very nice…” Mr Snuggles said, fake crying. Then it smiled and let out a laugh. “I wonder if you’ll try that again.” It said, looking at me smugly. I turned it off again. At the same time, the lights turned off in my house.
I felt breath on my neck, hot and sticky like some dog. “Knock-knock.” It said behind me, straight into my ear. Although I didn’t say it out loud, “Who’s there?” echoed around in my head. I spun around and flung the remote into its face. It was Mr Snuggles. It let out a yelp and grabbed at its nose. It quickly got ahold of itself and outstretched its hands for my neck, squeezing. “You shouldn’t have done that.” It rasped, squeezing harder. I felt my heart beating faster and faster, almost like it was trying to escape from my body.
I used my hand to pull the pen out of my back pocket. Making sure that I had enough force, I wound my hand back and stabbed it into the side of the clowns neck as hard as I could. It howled in pain and pulled its hands off my throat. As I gasped for breath, it looked at me with hate and then evaporated into the air. The lights in my house flickered back to life and I went around my house turning all of them on because I never wanted to be in the dark again. Not after that anyways.
I didn’t call the police. No way they would believe me. There was no proof, except for a small mark on my neck. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t try and protect myself. At night I turned all the TVs away from me, so that they were facing the wall. I grabbed a spare curtain rod and kept it next to my bed while I slept. I was strictly against guns and knives, but I still kept a small cooking knife in my bedside drawer just in case. I thought I was prepared. I thought wrong.
It was weeks before I was even willing to watch TV again. Even then, I had rules I made to try and make myself feel safe: 1. Never watch commercials. When they come one, I have to switch channels or turn the TV off until they are over 2. Don’t keep the TV on static. 3. Always have a light on in the room and the rooms surrounding the TV room. 4. Have some kind of protection/weapon just in case 5. NEVER watch any McDonalds related show, commercial or movie.
I thought that this would keep me from being a target again. Obviously I hadn’t thought of everything though. One night, I had the TV on while I was cooking food. The kitchen is near the TV room and it is an open floor plan so I could see the TV from the kitchen. Then the static came on again. I grabbed the remote and turned it off, dismissing it as a faulty signal. Then the TV came back on again. The channels began changing. “Red”, “E”, “4”, “Round”, “Too” the TV said. I froze in fear, knowing that this was no coincidence. Ready for round two. This was what I’d been preparing for. I grabbed a knife that I was using to cut cucumbers with and held it up.
The commercial came on. Mr Snuggles made the corny joke and then said, “Let’s introduce our special guest!” Everyone in the restaurant cheered as I walked into the McDonalds. I was watching myself on TV. I was shocked, this was not what I’d been thinking was gonna happen at all. “John is here for lunch!” Mr Snuggles said, leading me into the kitchen. I was smiling and walking with him until we disappeared into the chefs room. A few seconds later, Mr Snuggles came out with a pot. I was nowhere to be found. A small toddler walked up to Mr Snuggles. “What’s for lunch Mr Snuggles?” He asked innocently. The clown looked straight through the TV at me. “I already told you.” There was a pause. “John.”
My eyes got wide for the second time watching this ad as I realized what he meant. Then it all went black. I woke up stuck to a ceiling, looking down at what I thought was a kitchen. Mr Snuggles came into the room and smiled up at me. He made a motion with his hands and I feel down to the floor, no longer bound the the tiled roof. “I’m glad you could join us!” He said cheerfully. “No! Stop, why are you doing this?!” I shouted. “Because I have to.” His smug look faltered for a second. I sounded desperate, “No you don’t! I didn’t do anything!” “I know. But he makes me.” “Who?” “My boss…” “He doesn’t control you.” I replied, trying to look understanding. “It’s HELL!” Mr Snuggles shouted, looking angry. “You think I LIKE what I do?! NO! I hate him! I hate you, I hate myself and I hate McDonalds!” He looked sad and stared at the floor. “But I have to.” He looked at the wall closest to him and pressed a button that was attached to it. The floor opened up and a big pot came out of the hole. It was at least seven feel tall and it radiated heat, like it was boiling. He picked up a ladder and put it on the side so someone could climb onto the edge of the pot and presumably get put in it.
I looked at him. “I’ll make this easy, then.” Mr Snuggles looked at me, puzzled. “I’ll go into the pot myself without you having to make me. Except for one thing. Can you just tell me how full it is with boiling water?” The clown nodded and climbed up the ladder. He leaned over the side. “Pretty full.” He said. I knew this was my one chance, I ran over to him and pushed him as hard as I could. He fell into the pot, screaming as his skin bubbled and burnt off. I felt the restaurant start to crumble and the world went black.
I woke up again in my kitchen, sprawled out on the floor. My head hurt but other than that, I felt relatively okay. I just pulled out my phone and went to Reddit. I know that people here can have good advice, and if I can hopefully sort through all the people saying this is fake, there might be someone out there who knows what to do. Mr Snuggles is dead. At least, I hope he is. Because if not, he’ll come back and get me. I know he will. This brings a whole to meaning to fast food not being good for you. It certainly hasn’t been good to me. I’m gonna take a break from TV for a while and maybe try out the TikTok app everyone’s using these days.
I’m never eating at McDonalds again.