I recently realized that the things we are so fearful of, the things that make us jump at the slightest movements in the darkness…well, we should be afraid. Unfortunately, we forgot to commit to the dark and chose a terrible half measure instead, partially in the light and partially in the night. But we forgot…we forgot that this in-between bullshit would kill us all.
You know what I mean. You use a flashlight to see at night. You run up the stairs and hide under the covers in a panic. You cover your feet, not from fear of the cold but fear of them. We have all seen and experienced them. We have all seen HIM.
He won’t leave now. Instead, he sits at the foot of my bed while I type this on my phone, occasionally tilting his head and smiling as if understanding my desperation. He never engages, though, just stares. The rules that are in place that prevent him from interacting with me are strange, archaic even. A blend of old wives’ tales with modern preconceptions about boogie-men: at the moment, simply remaining 90% under the covers protects me, at least while the light from my phone shines.
But I have to go to the bathroom.
Whenever the light from my phone shines in his direction, he glides just to the side, edging the dull side of the beam to the corners of my room. This used to be enough, curving him carefully so I could maneuver around at night with some semblance of sanity. But the fear in my stomach is growing and won’t stop. I see his friend’s face smiling at me from behind my phone. Even just the brief look from the corner of my eye is enough to cause me to freeze in place, my fingers cold and heavy as I continue to try and force this message across.
It’s hard to describe the terror that I feel within my bones. The feeling that, given the opportunity, they will do terrible things to me. I imagine the worst things an entity of remorselessness could enact upon a human, from skin tearing to splintering bones; I guess my screams would delight them. This is probably the only time I have considered just pissing in my bed, and soon my body’s fight or flight response may choose to do just that.
I may soon lose the opportunity to make a choice.
I try to force myself to stay calm, but it’s impossible, and with every waking moment, my body trembles harder. Their smiles keep growing wider even as I keep typing. What could a message like this do to stop the inevitable anyway? What could a message like this do to save me? How can I protect myself?
I can’t stand this.
I CAN’T STAND THIS!
This infernal feeling of loss of control of my emotions. Loss of my ability to act. There is nothing there.
There is…nothing there.
NOTHING.
Then why do their smiles shine so brightly in the darkness?
Why do their teeth clatter almost like they are laughing at me?
What…
What do you expect me to do?
What…should I even do?
I know it’s worthless asking these questions because I must make the decision here and now. Hours have gone by. My fingers are moving so slowly that I may never finish my story. Never complete the strange way my brain chose to help me make a decision. My body is coated in sweat, and the worst may come to pass. My fingers are slippery, and smartphones are so smooth I fear I mayyyy
I am sitting on my bed now, covered in more liquids than just sweat. I want you to know what happened when I embraced the darkness, even though it was an accident, and only for a moment. As the light faced downward and my phone clattered on the floor, I could already feel the embrace. The slimy arms traced my body as if looking for entry. I could feel their hot breath on my neck as I lay there frozen. I don’t know what caused me to move, what eventually caused me to dart down and grab my phone, but as soon as I flipped it over, there they were…trailing the edge of the beam…all three of them.
I managed to get back on my bed and kept the phone light facing upward, occasionally touching the screen to keep the light on for the rest of the night. The day came back at some point, and each of them left one by one. I don’t know where they went and if they will be back. Maybe they will visit another tonight, or perhaps they will test me once more in hopes that they make it farther on the next visit.
I managed to get my fingers to finish this post.
I hope you take this as a warning because I have.
I may sleep during the day now.