Not all downfalls are created equal.
If you’re my age, you may remember the tragic career of teen star Kelly Kigyo. Like most stars of the early 2000s, she went from unknown, to child star, to media sensation, to mega-artist, to tabloid villain almost over night. It’s OK if you don’t remember her. A lot of people don’t. If Brittney was Vanilla and Christine was Chocolate, Kelly wouldn’t even be Strawberry. She would probably be Butter Pecan. Before 2005, she had gone through a dozen stints at rehab, one Hollywood boxoffice flop, two failed TV pilots, several revoked driver’s licenses, one FBI-lead drug bust, sought emancipation from her parents, and was criticized for being too skinny and then too fat and then too skinny again, and really put through the media ringer.
By 2006 she had all but disappeared.
Until now.
My name is Justine Pick and my team and I are going to get the first in-person interview with Kelly since before the Obama administration. Kelly has been my hero since her early days. I’ve seen her four times in concert and cannot even begin to tell you how many times I listened to her debut album. In fact, I’m one of the few who think her second and last album was better than her first. Her music has been with me through the highs and lows. I even have a Kelly related tattoo. Needless to say, I am such a fan.
The last known record of Kelly was a blurry tabloid photo of her in Mexico. “Kelly Belly Eats All” it read, mimicking her hit song “Love Beats All”. It showed a fuller Kelly double fisting tacos while trying to avoid photographers. It shows how far we’ve come in terms of body positivity, because the photo is gross and sad.
When my editor told me to find a story to drum up “nostalgic feels”, I knew who I wanted it to be about. It took me a while to get him to agree, but I got there. After a lot of digging, I finally found her. And after a lot of back and forth, I got her to agree to an interview. For legal and safety reasons, my whole unit is coming with me. It was just two small plane rides and a three hour long trip in a rented van away. I am currently in said van with Nancy, Jenna, Babs, Tim, and Stu (my editor). We are pulling up to the house now!
“This is it?” Stu looked on suspiciously.
“This is it!” I said excitedly.
There was a rusted gate that required a punch code. The code was 4723, which any true fan could have guessed as it was the last four digits of the fake number she gives out in the teen movie “The Singer and the Servant” where she plays a famous singer who is supposed to marry a price but falls in love with their servant. It’s an underrated classic. After we drove through the gate, it automatically closed behind us with a loud ka-chunk. The driveway was long, twisted, and the bushes were desperately overgrown. I was getting anxious, but tried to keep a brave face. I could feel my face drop as we got closer to the house.
The house was a literal nightmare. It was large and gaudy but also decrepit and falling apart. In fact, the house itself was a perfect metaphor for Kelly’s career. It was clear that at one point it was a beautiful private home and that after years of neglect it was in shambles and quite terrifying.
“Well, that’s ominous,” Nancy muttered. “No one told me she lived in a Scooby-Doo house.” She pulled the car up and parked in the long driveway.
“Yeah, I’ll be honest, this is literally terrifying. I would like to stay in the car.” Jenna chimed in. She was the youngest and by the time she came into being, Kelly was a relic of the past.
“No.” Stu opened the car door, “we’re all doing this. If this works, it will be huge. If not, then we’re gonna blame Justine and reassign her to making lists for the site.” He looked at me over his glasses. He wasn’t kidding, but I wasn’t going to fail.
“Ugh, fine sure, there’s no service here and for the first time in my life, there aren’t even wifi networks to connect to.” Jenna got out of the van. We marched up to the doorway. The house looked like it belonged to someone who very much wanted to be left alone. It was three stories, very large, overgrown with ivy and weeds, and in desperate need of a makeover.
“When this doesn’t work, can we please circle back to my idea of rating celebrities by their AOL screennames?” Babs said to no one. She said it in an attempt to throw me off, she apparently hated Kelly Kigyo and voiced several times that this was a dumb idea. But I knew it would be an amazing click-generator.
I knocked on the door and held my breath.
I exhaled as I knocked again, nervous that I was wrong about all of this.
I faked a smile as I knocked a third time and ignored the groans of my coworkers.
The door finally opened.
“You’re late.” A raspy voice said from the darkness of the open doorway. It took a moment for our eyes to adjust, but there she was: Kelly Kigyo. At least, I think it was her. She was rail thin and her face was gaunt. She wore a dress that hung off her like a sack. She looked like stiff wind could knock her down. This was quite a change from her Mexico picture and a long ways away from her super sultry days.
After introductions were made, we all gathered in the living room. Kelly didn’t shake anyone’s hands and didn’t seem to have the energy to do so.
“Do you live in this gorgeous place all by yourself?” I asked as I looked around, worried I overplayed my hand by saying it was “gorgeous”.
“Oh,” Kelly was sitting down, “are we starting already?”
“N-no, just curious.” I responded, anxiously sitting on the couch with her. Kelly sat on one end of the couch and I on the other. The rest of the crew stood awkwardly or sat on the floor.
“Well, as you can tell, it’s just me and the maid,” she wiped her finger on the wooden arm of the chair, clearing away an inch deep coating of dust, “but I gave her the day off eleven years ago and ever since then, it’s been just me.” Kelly handed me a glass of water in a filthy cup which I sipped nervously. My mouth my dry from nerves and even though the water tasted weird, I did not want to be rude.
The open room was dusty with just a couch and five hall ways. There were a few exposed lights but very little else. There was no TV or computer. I wouldn’t be surprised if Kelly didn’t even have a smart phone. My recorder was on and I had my notepad to write everything down. Despite my best efforts, I was fangirling way too hard. Unfortunately, my energy was unmatched. She was listless, grumpy, and had the energy of a melted candle.
“So Kelly, what would you like to say to all your fans who miss hearing you?” I asked, full of life.
“Fans?” Kelly seemed to think, “not much.” I waited a moment to see if there was going to be more. There wasn’t.
“OK!” I continued, “have you written any songs? Is there any plan to release new music?”
“No.” Kelly responded, scratching her grey skin with a broken finger nail.
“Um, OK!” I kept trying to keep things up beat. I could feel Stu’s impatience with me growing and I could feel the backstabbing comments the rest of my team were ready to make. “You’ve managed to stay out of the public eye for some time and you have no official social media accounts, are you secretly on any social media platforms?”
“I’m far too busy.” Kelly hissed back.
“Oh? And what are you busy doing?” I picked up on the first thread I could.
“Not being on social media.” Her sunken eyes seemed to drift in opposite directions. Babs and Nancy snickered at that. Stu nudged both of them. Again, the silence was deafening.
Then things took a turn. Tim, who spent the whole morning chugging coffee, spoke up. “Um, I hate to break the flow of this killer and thrilling interview, but I need the bathroom ASAP.”
Kelly cocked an eyebrow and displayed life for the first time all evening, “allow me to show you where it is.”
“Oh no, brah, I’m good, just point me in the right direction.” He said as he looked around the labyrinthine hall ways.
“No, no, it’s very confusing. And not all the bathrooms work and I don’t want to find that you shit in the halls or in a broken toilet cause you’re too manly to ask for help.” Kelly put her spindly arm around Tim. “Let me show you the way.” The two walked away and that was the last time anyone saw Tim.
Moments later, the power in the house went out. With no air conditioning, the house felt stale and musty fast. I finished the last of my water as everyone else looked at me with envy. The evening sun provided a little light, but night time was approaching. The four of us sat in silence watching the shadows creep, waiting for either Kelly to come back to finish the interview or for Tim to come back so we could leave. At this point I was ready to admit defeat and accept my fate of curating the “Top 100 Things You Missed in the 13 second teaser trailer for the next Marvel Movie”.
“So!” Kelly said, appearing at a different doorway, “where were we?” It was tough to see in the looming darkness, but Kelly looked different. She sounded different. For the first time all night, she had an ounce of energy. She didn’t look so much like a prune, but more like a vibrant fleshed out person.
“Oh, did you help Tim?” I responded. “Should we leave with the power out, we can come back tomorrow?”
“Tim…” she trailed off, “he wanted to look around and take photos of the house. He said ‘this place is cringe, I need to get some pics’ or something” She mocked Tim’s shitty attitude perfectly. “But you’re already here and I’m sure the power will be back soon. Besides, if the power’s down then my front gate will automatically lock. And I don’t want you to drive through my gate. So lets, continue. HIC!” She hiccupped. She tapped her chest. “Pardon.” She smirked, “something I ate disagreed with me.”
“Oh, you have food?” Babs shot up.
“I… is that one of your questions for me? Of course, I have food.” Kelly responded. “I might be a washed up star, but I do eat. You all really must be good journalists.”
“Actually, we should probably get food on the way home, we have a deadline. I’m sure I can get the gate to move manually.” Stu reminded us as he cleaned his glasses. Something felt off and even though Kelly looked more like herself and was communicative, I would like to leave and maybe have this interview in the day time, in public, with witnesses.
“No, I’ll go with Kelly here and maybe get something worth writing about.” Babs said, shooting daggers at me.
“Sure, sure, Babs, was it?” Kelly saddled up next to Babs and wrapped her thick arm around my coworker. “How about you and I go for a stroll and I’ll make sure you eat your fill.” Kelly and Babs walked down a dark hall.
“Oh my god.” I stood up, trembling, “I cannot believe it” I muttered.
“What?” Nancy responded.
“Don’t you see?!” I began to tear up, “Babs is totally going to become friends with Kelly and take my story!” Nany rolled her eyes at me and coldly rubbed my shoulder. “I didn’t even get to show her my tattoo”. I sulked.
“Don’t worry, this is a dud anyways.” Jenna said. “This place is boring and she’s creepy. We should just call her Smelly Kigyo and go home.”
“Well, we can’t go without Tim and Babs, so you might as well just deal with it.” Stu replied. Jenna turned and made a “jerk-off” motion behind Stu’s back. The house was back to being silent and it seemed all at once, night time was upon us and we had to use our cell phones for lights.
Then a horrific scream made me miss the silence. We all looked at each other. “Babs!” I screamed.
“Let’s Go!” shouted Nancy and all of us went in different directions and then stopped. “Where are you going?” Nancy shouted, “the noise was this way!”
“Nah-uh.” Jenna called back, “It’s this way.”
“Both of you are wrong,” Stu said with contempt, “it’s this way.”
“Ugh, whatever, let’s just go our own ways and get our dumb coworkers and leave.” Jenna started walking down a hall way.
“Haven’t you seen a movie?” I went to grab her, “that’s so dumb.”
“Whatever.” Jenna pulled away from me and went her own way.
“Asshole.” I said under my breath.
“I heard that, thanks for the constructive criticism, Justine. But this has been a hit. I love being out here. Great story idea.” Jenna called out, giving me two thumbs up, as she disappeared down the hall.
Stu, Nancy, and I retreated back to the main room. The lights were still out and only our cell phones kept us from being in total darkness.
“Soooo do we look for someone or just sit here like assholes?” Nancy asked bluntly.
“OH GOOD!” A voice behind us bellowed making all of us jump, “You’re still all here.” We turned to see Kelly standing in the doorway, holding a candle. You know how the dark plays tricks on you, well from where we were standing, it was definitely Kelly, but something seemed different. The gaunt woman who greeted us hours ago was gone and a healthier and a um, larger personality Kelly was there. Let’s say it looked as if the sack dress fit her better. “I’m sorry about the darkness, the lights really should be on any moment.”
“Yeah, cool, where’s Babs?” Nancy asked briskly. Kelly moved into the room.
“Oh her, well she and I made our way to the *BURP* kitchen and I made a feast for her.” Kelly’s bright smile curled up her rounded cheeks. “Excuse me, we really pigged out back there.”
“H-have you seen Jenna?” I asked. Kelly turned to me and licked her lips.
“Oh no, Jenna left?” Kelly pouted.
“Yeah, she wondered off that way,” Stu pointed down the hall.
“Oh, that’s bad.” Kelly responded, “parts of the northern section of the house are in need of repair. I’d hate for anything bad to happen to her.” She turned an peered down the hall. Nancy looked at me and puffed out her cheeks and pointed to Kelly’s wider backside. I smacked her hand. “Well, I really should go look for her.” Kelly trailed off.
“And Tim.” Stu added, “I don’t want to wander around your home, but we need Tim here as well.”
“Who?” Kelly turned, “*HICCUP* oh right, him, well why don’t you come with me. I’m sure I can help reunite you with them.” Stu stood in a huff.
“Sure, anything to move this along.” He said as he walked. I instinctively grabbed his arm. He turned in shock, “What’s up with you?” He saw the panicked look in my eyes, “Don’t worry, this wasn’t a total disaster. But expect to be shoveling shit content when we get back. At least for a little while.” He yanked his arm away and pushed up his glasses. “You two stay here. When the others get back, call me or whatever. I don’t know, just sit here.” Kelly’s plump arm wrapped around Stu as they left.
“What the fuck is going on?!” Nancy shouted in a whisper. I shrugged.
“I dunno.” I shrugged, “there’s no service and… she’s um… definitely… y’know?” Was all I could add.
“Eating everyone? Yeah.” Nancy responded. “Look, you know what the worst thing people in a horror movie can do? Not realize they’re in a horror movie.” Nancy grabbed her bag. “We have to assume those people are gone and we have to go.”
“We can’t leave them!” I protested. “Also, she’s not… what you said!” I couldn’t bring myself to say the words.
“I can and she is.” Nancy responded. “I’m out of here, I’ll have the cops come back to dig you out of her stomach tomorrow. But I’m out of here now.”
“OK, OK, wait a second.” I reached out for her. “What are you going to say? Reclusive pop sensation Kelly Kigyo is eating people? And what about her gate?”
“I don’t know or care all. All I know is that I’ll be alive when I say it. And she can fuckin bill me for the gate,” Nancy turned to walk but stopped. There was a figure walking down the halls. We heard the pounding footsteps that sinisterly approached. A low growl followed. In a moment of panic, Nancy and I turned away from the front door and ran.
We blindly ran down a hall, avoiding upturned furniture and broken floorboards. We ran past rooms that looked as if they had not been looked at in years, the mold and dust on the walls made me gag. But I kept running. We finally found a set of stairs and led us to over look what appeared to be a kitchen. I peered over. Babs was not there; however, what appeared to be her foot was on the counter.
There was another thump behind us. We turned off our phone lights and managed to hide in the shadows of the hall overlooking the candle lit kitchen. Then another thump. Nancy and I were completely vulnerable. We crouched in the shadows when finally we could hear foot steps immediately behind us. There was another thump as a figure jumped out of the darkness in front of us. Nancy quickly turned around and swung her bag at the shadowed figure. She connect with it’s head and sent it flying over the railing down into the kitchen below.
“Yes!” I screamed.
“Fuck yeah!” Nancy and I high-fived.
“What the actual fuck!” Jenna shouted from below. My heart sank. We peered over the railing like cowards. “No really!” Jenna screamed, her leg clearly broken, “Why the fuck would you do that?! I’m fucking with you.”
“no no no shhhhhhh” I whispered back down to Jenna trying to keep her profile to a minimum.
“Shh?” She mocked. “Are you out of your mind?” Jenna then looked at her leg and it sunk in that the pain in her leg was bone sticking out. And she started to scream a blood curdling scream. Nancy grabbed me and yanked me back. She put her hand over my mouth and pointed. There was another figure waddling down the halls.
Kelly emerged from the doorway, belly first. The now corpulent star advanced on the wounded Jenna. “Oh, what a gift.” She sighed, “I do love it when they can’t run. Especially when I’m like this. It’s tough to hunt when I’m this big.” She smacked her ample belly and chuckled. Jenna continued to scream and tried to crawl away. Kelly grabbed her injured leg and twisted it, causing Jenna to barf from the pain. Kelly then opened her mouth to an ungodly size and placed Jenna’s feet in them. She then proceeded to suck Jenna down like she was a noodle. After she slurped up Jenna extending arms she sighed and patted her larger belly. “Ah, that a *urp* meal.” She noticed Bab’s foot, “how’d I miss you?” She tossed it into the air and swallowed it as if it were a grape. She then let out a monstrous belch and we watched as her body quickly digested Jenna making Kelly even larger.
She then sniffed. “I know you’re in here girls. Another side effect is *hic* incredible smell.”
“Side effect of what?” I shouted. Nancy looked at me with anger and ran. I looked down at my favorite singer and asked again, “of what?”
“You remember the Kelly Belly headlines.” Kelly asked, the dress now stretching at the seams of her gigantic frame.
“Of course. That was disgusting.” I tried to sympathize.
“Well, ain’t you *hic* progressive.” She taunted her belly audibly churned. She pounded on her chest and force out a burp. She belched up Stu’s glasses, “pardon. Well I was in Mexico because my drug dealer’s cousin’s hook up had a lead on experimental weight loss drugs. I took one and it immediately worked but there were some *urp* side effects.”
“It worked?” I looked at her.
“Don’t be rude. I haven’t eaten in months. I deserve to pig out a little.”
“What about diet and working out?” I asked.
“Oh fuck off. Do you know what it was like? Of course not, no one cares about you. You little people can do whatever you want and no one cares. Do you know how many people I’ve eaten? Hundreds. Do you know how many people care? None. I was a star. If I worked out then people would say I’m perpetuating a patriarchal society norm and setting a bad example. If I didn’t work out then I was a lazy brat and a terrible role model. If I ate a salad, people would call me a spoiled Hollywood star who is too good to eat like a normal person. And if I ate anything else, then I was Kelly Belly, America’s favorite fat punching bag!” She screamed. “The only thing I could do was take a drug to make me thin. And it did. But then I got hungry. Too hungry. Pretty soon, things like ‘food’ didn’t satisfy me.”
“You ate hundreds of people?”
Kelly smacked her blubbery gut, “Ha! Maybe more. After I took the drug I was back in shape and ready for my comeback. But you wanna know why I never made any music? Guess where my band went? Hey, remember my parents who took everything from me. Well, I took everything back my own way!” She continued to move snake-like around the kitchen. She didn’t seem concerned about Nancy and that made me nervous. “My maid did get the day off, but I made her breakfast. I made sure that every single paparazzi camera man got his literal just desserts.”
I heard a faint car horn, Kelly heard it too. There was suddenly a loud snap coming from the original dining room followed by a scream. “Mmm, speaking of desserts…” She then stalked away quickly.
“Nancy!” I said to myself and immediately started running back. Unsure of the way or even what I was going to find, I cautiously hustled back to find my friend. The living room was illuminated by the faint lights of the van in the driveway. Nancy must have remotely started the car from the house. But she never made it out the front door.
It seems some sort of snare trap was triggered when Nancy reached for the doorway. It grabbed her arm and whisked her up two stories. She hung there by her broken arm, blood dripped down her wrist, onto her head, down her face, and started to pool on the ground below her.
“Justine!” She called out. “Justine, help!” I ran over to try to grab her feet but she was clearly way too high up. “Justine, please, I need you.” She continued to cry. I kept thinking of ways to get to her. Then I stopped.
“You were going to leave me?!” I hissed.
“No, I,” she stopped as her arm became more gnarled in the trap, “I was going to get help.”
“While I was still here, leaving me!” I was pissed.
“What do you want? I said I wanted to live. You wanted to,” she groaned again as the wire cut deeper into her arm, “you wanted to play reporter.” I stood there, stunned. “Look, I-I’m sorry. Please.”
“Fine.” I began searching the room for something to release Nancy. I looked for a lever or a button or anything. Nancy let out another muffled scream.
“OK, Justine. Look.” I heard her toss the keys. They hit the ground with a jingle. “I’m done for. I’m literal dead meat. Please go. Tell everyone. Get out of here.” She said with a frightening calmness. “I.. Oh thank god you found it. I was only half kidding, I wanna get out of here. I’m so glad you found something to get me out of here.”
I heard the sound of the trap being lowered. The steel squeaked as Nancy was coming back to the ground. There was one major problem.
“Um, I didn’t do anything.” I admitted.
I had just been fumbling around for the last ten minutes. I flashed my phone’s light on where Nancy was and sure enough she was being lowered. I then trailed the light down, Nancy’s body was a bloody mess, but she her eyes were wide as she gulped in fear. I then trailed the light down further, and there was Kelly. With a remote in her hand and mouth open wide, eagerly awaiting Nancy.
I froze in my tracks on the opposite side of the room. I watched in fear as my friend kicked and flailed and yanked her arm to no avail. The trap continued to be lowered. Kelly began salivating as the width of her mouth expanded. The trap continued to be lowered until all of Nancy was gone. Kelly closed her mouth as her body swelled. Her pudgy fingers flicked the switch on her remote and the trap started to rise out of her mouth. Nancy was gone.
“Well,” The very large and literally full of life Kelly stretched, causing the dress to finally rip, “I am stuffed. I haven’t eaten that well since the *URP* MTV Cribs crew came by.” Her long tongue licked her plump lips. Her jowly face curled up to a smile as her wild eyes met mine. She rubbed her exposed belly as the once loose dress stretched into tatters around her large swelling body. I could see Nancy try to push out to no avail. “At this rate, I’ll be able to hibernate for months until I need to eat again.” She began to slowly move towards me.
“You’re not going to let me leave are you?” I whimpered. The large woman heaved herself closer and closer. She seemed to slither more than waddle considering her plump legs could hardly reach the ground. The faint screams of Nancy could be heard in the ball of fat that jiggled near me.
“Oh Justine. Of course I’m going to let you leave.” She smirked. “For starters, I am too *hic* full to let you stay.” She tapped her oversized belly. Another gurgle could be heard and Nancy’s screams stopped. She began to swell as she continued, “and secondly, no one would ever believe you. Hell, no one has successfully seen me in decades. Well, no one who I didn’t eat.” She let out a belly laugh causing her whole body to shake and the floor boards beneath her to groan. “And third, you seem like a really big fan of mine.”
“What?” I was in shock and confused. I felt sick. “I… I could call the cops.” I said defiantly.
“HA! Please do. I may be stuffed, but I can always find room for more.” She lifted her belly, the final resting place for my team, and let it drop with a dense thud. “Please, send everyone you can up here. In fact, I’m so excited for this shitty pop culture nostalgia wave. It won’t take long before I become a thing again. And who knows, maybe I finally will *HIC* make that come back. I’m sure there are plenty of other interviewers who would love to *BELCH* get up close and personal with me.” She lowered her face to be right in front of mine. I had never been so afraid in my life. “I’m going to live as large as I *BURP* can.”
“So I can go?” I started to walk away and picked up the van keys.
“Please do, all this talking about eating people is making me *urp* hungry.” She licked her lips, “but you were clearly a fan… so I’ll give you this one. Besides, you’re gonna have a hell of a time.” She used the remote to turn the power back on. Seeing her in her giant glory made my head spin.
“Oh Christ,” I put my hand to my head, “how am I gonna explain all of this.”
“Oh, right, that.” She thought, “that’s a you problem. Now get the *hic* fuck out before I eat you alive.” She smiled.
I left the house in a daze. I drove back to the hotel and fell asleep.
I called my company and advised that after the failed interview, we all came back to the hotel, and when I woke up, everyone was gone. I pretended to act shocked when corporate advised that they had not heard back from Stu. I lied and said the lead was a prank. Kelly Kigyo wasn’t really in a mansion in the middle of no where. The whole thing was a lie and that my team, in anger at my failure to recognize a fake tip on a story, must have left me behind. Where they went or what they did after I came back was beyond me. Corporate advised me to stay until someone else from my team came back. This obviously wasn’t going to happen, but I had to play along.
About twenty-four hours after I started my interview with Kelly, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach. Of course, I hadn’t eaten anything in a day. I ordered a large pizza to my hotel room. The pain in my stomach was overwhelming and I was on the floor in agony.
I then thought back on what could have been in that glass of water I drank at Kelly’s. How easy it would have been for her to drug me with one of those tainted diet pills and curse me with their awful side effects. When she said I was about to have a “hell of a time”, she wasn’t talking about me explaining the events of the night, was she?
Out of curiosity, I walked to the bathroom mirror. I opened my mouth wide. And then wider. And the wider. It was as if my jaw was unhinged as my chin almost hit the bathroom sink. My long tongue came out ready to slurp something down. I closed my mouth quickly. The smells hit me. I could smell the food in the minibar, the roomservice down the hall, the people who ordered roomservice and the one who delivered it. They all smelled so tantalizing. My mouth watered. I ran into bed and dove and screamed into the pillow to drown it all out.
BUT I’M OK NOW! That all must have been a dream. It definitely didn’t happen. Nothing to see here.
Unfortunately the pizza boy and my pizza… never showed up. As to how his car ended up in the hotel parking lot is beyond me. I actually don’t even know if it was a man who delivered it. Could have been anyone! Maybe they ran off with the house keeping attendant, front desk clerk, and bell hop who also vanished from my hotel that night. Strange! As a journalist, I say nothing to look into though. Just a weird coincidence.
I’m on my way back home. I decided to take a leave from work to get my life together and really digest… my thoughts. I’m going to drive so I could get my head on straight and really enjoy the sights and especially the tastes of the heartland on my way back to the big city.
I hope everyone at home recognizes me. Yeah, even though I was gone for a short while I’ve gone through some big changes. Before I left town, after I filed a missing persons report and gave my story to the police, I made one last stop. I had to thank Kelly for this new life style in a very special way. Boy, was she surprised to see me. Poor thing was in a food coma or else she probably would have struggled a bit more…
ANYWAYS, She’s not there anymore which is why I feel comfortable sharing this story. She’s not anywhere anymore, to be honest. No, I don’t think she’s going to be eating anyone again. And I don’t think anyone is going to be able to find her. But she was just great. Seeing her again really hit the spot. When I left there was no denying that I really was her biggest fan.
PS - if you’re interested in a freelance journalist, please let me know. I work great with others and have a real hunger for the truth. DM me and I’ll see you soon!