“Bethany morrow to the stage please.” I took a deep breath and pulled my violin out of its case. “You can do this,” I murmured to myself before walking from the backstage, my heels clicking the whole way. I straightened my dress I was nervous, after all, I had some stiff competition.
my whole life I had always dreamed of being an orchestral violinist playing my song for a crowd letting my hands work the bow as I stood on a scarlet red stage… but here’s the thing Dreams can be cruel they require you to devote yourself mind body and soul beacuse the stage MY stage demands PERFECTION.
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But I’m getting ahead of myself… Growing up I made music my whole world to me nothing else seemed to matter but that all changed when I met David he was funny smart charming and he always made me feel nervous he loved running his fingers through my long red hair and I loved looking into his soft green eyes.
At first, I was too shy to play the violin around him “Come on I want to hear you play” he said with that warm smile “Hahaha no you’ll laugh at me“ “Come on just do it” Rolling my eyes I started playing I closed my eyes shut and let myself drift into the music when I opened my eyes David was staring at me his mouth turned into a big smile (oh God his smile) “that’s was beautiful like dead serious that was great” from that day on he became my biggest fan always praising and encouraging me when he was there I felt complete of course it wasn’t without its hiccups for one we were young and in love.
I wound up pregnant at 19 It was a curve ball for sure but we were trying our best to make it work I was able to get a job part-time at a dinner while also taking care of our daughter Abby while David was working two jobs.
I still practiced most nights and David supported me and no matter how hard it was we had each other but one night a little over a year after Abby had her first birthday.
I got a call saying that David was in a car wreck they told me he was being rushed to the hospital with shaky breath I said “I…I’ll be right over.”
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I walked to the middle of the stage and made a polite bow to the older heavy set gentleman with a white neatly-trimmed beard sitting at the table looking over at me a second later in a deep voice he said, “ You are here to audition to be our second seat violinist correct?” I nodded eagerly “That’s correct sir” he smiled before gesturing with his hand “Go on then” I positioned my instrument and started playing the sheet music they had prepared for me.
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I was sobbing and hyperventilating. But I got myself and Abby in the car and raced down to the hospital. I frantically ran to the receptionist’s desk “David Morrow, PLEASE I’m looking for David morrow I’m his wife.” the woman picked up a phone paging someone while the other nurses came over and tried to calm me down.
Abby was crying I tried to soothe her. A minute later I was told that he was in the ER they took me to a waiting room. I paced back and forth switching from crying to consoling our baby girl. We were in that room for over three hours. Until a doctor came in and gave me the news I had been dreading. “Ma’am I’m afraid your husband has passed away.
He had received major head trauma and we………” Everything was white noise after that all I heard was my thoughts swimming around in my head and Abby crying in my arms.
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I winced internally as I dragged out the last note making a sharp unpleasant sound at the end but if the judge was unhappy he showed no sign of it.
I then saw the large music director scribble something down on the notepad in front of him after a minute he said “Thank you very much we will announce the results shortly” his eyes darted down toward the notebook as moved I back.
Mentally I cursed myself “Sloppy that was sloppy.” I was angry I shouldn’t have made a mistake like that. I would have NEVER messed up like that back when I was younger. But that was a long time ago back when I was able to practice every day
back when I still had David.
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After David died, all I wanted to do was crawl into a hole somewhere and cry. But when you have a daughter to care for that isn’t an option. Life goes on even after death so I resolved to be strong for her and not to cry.
I would keep it bottled up if I had to. I started working more hours I had to get a second job late nights and early mornings were normal for me but there wasn’t much I could do
The worst part wasn’t the long hours my overbearing bosses or the cheap apartment. I had to get no the worst thing was seeing my dreams fall to pieces. My scarlet stage got farther and farther away…and I HATED IT!
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I kept going over my performance thinking how it could have been better and how it SHOULD have been better. “What would David think if he saw you mess up like that your not a GODDAMN teenager anymore” But I didn’t want to seem like a nervous wreck pacing up and down the waiting room in front of the other contenders.
So I glued myself to the chair and tried not to get psyched out roughly an hour later we were called on stage to announce the winner. As I got up I saw her Mellisa she smiled at me with that annoying grin of hers and said “Best of luck” before winking at me and just like that my confidence melted.
As we all got on stage the composer said “Ladies and gentlemen I would like to thank you all for coming we have had some fine auditions today, but as you all know we only have room for one of you.” I felt a cold sweat on my brow as I kept thinking to myself “This is it he has to pick you he HAS TO!” but I felt a chill run down my spine as I heard him say “Congratulations Mellisa!”
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David had been gone 11 years before. I was able to finally get my life under control enough to where I could consider pursuing my dreams again. I had joined a local community band at the recenter it was nice to be able to perform in front of people again.
And although my skills had taken a serious (and infuriating) dive I was glad to have finally been doing what I loved again. But there was just one problem and her name was Mellisa a dainty girl 23 years old blonde hair blue eyes and as pretty as a picture. She was the golden girl of our band she was the only other violinist in there and she was just so PERFECT.
She played flawlessly she was young and talented everything I once was and everything I now wasn’t. And boy did she know it. She never missed a chance to “explain.” what I was doing wrong “I think you’re dragging a bit.” Or “Maybe you should practice your tempo.” Or her favorite criticism “Maybe you should come in more.” I BARELY had enough time as is!
But still, I tried to be polite. I put on a smile and didn’t make a scene no that wouldn’t get me anywhere… but one day I saw it on a local ad taped to a light post.
An orchestra needing a violinist this was my chance my big break was finally here. I almost jumped for joy right there In the street this was a sign that I still could do it. David was looking out for me after all. The day came and I put on my finest white dress did my makeup mascara, eyeliner, and lipstick I fixed my hair into soft scarlet curls that cascaded down past my shoulders.
When I was finished I examined myself in the full-length mirror and smiled when I saw that I was flawless. I dropped Abby off at one of her friend’s houses for the day my heart was pounding in my chest. I pulled into the parking lot. I almost ran into the building. I signed up and was led back to the waiting room. The biggest smile of my life plastered on my face “Oh Beth you auditioning too?”
My blood turned to ice as I looked over and saw her standing there dressed in jeans and a beige oversized sweater hair in a ponytail dressed up like this was just another Saturday for her.
“You look good way better than normal.” what did she mean by that? Was she saying I normally looked like a mess? I sputtered back a response “Um yeah you look good as well…so are you here to…” she cut me off (while checking her phone might I add) “For the audition?, yeah I figured no harm in trying.”
But there was harm her being here made it that much harder to win. Made it that much easier to doubt myself. And made my dream that much further away. “well listen I’m gonna go tune my instrument but it’s good to see you here.” she walked away “…yeah you too.”
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I sat on the stage for a while after the announcement. Everyone congratulated and applauded her after she won I played along the whole time. I just felt numb inside as everyone cleared out. I stayed on the stage sitting on the chair feeling low it wasn’t fair. none of it was my dream my life David… oh God David I wish he was here right now.
He would know what to do I felt the tears at the edge of my eyes. They threatened to break free but I held them back. I had to stay strong it’s what I did I spent the next half hour or so playing my violin. And right as I was about to leave I heard footsteps.
I turned my head and there stood Mellisa “What are you doing here.” I said angrily but if she sensed my mood she didn’t show it “Oh in all the excitement I left my purse here Oh there it is.” she walked and picked up a small black purse by the barstool “I hate to say it. But now that I got this gig I doubt I’m gonna have the time. To come into the community center in a way that makes me kind of sad. I like it down there.”
Unbelievable she’s given the opportunity of a lifetime and she finds a way to complain. “Oh and by the way I heard your performance. You did well honestly. If it wasn’t for that last note you might have won.”
My next movements were a haze before I could stop myself. Before I even realized what I was doing. I felt the full force of my violin crash against the side of her skull with a sickening crack. I saw her whole body fall limp toward the floor for a second I was stunned shocked(and… relieved?)
At what I had done but panic quickly set in. I ran over and fell to my knees. there she was lying in a puddle of red.
I tried to shake her awake, but she was still in my arms. “I’m…I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to……….. (Didn’t I?)” A minute later I checked her pulse it was gone… She was gone and it was all my fault. I held her in my arms deathly calm kneeling in a pool of blood. I had killed someone what would I do? Oh God…………… ”come on I want to hear you play,” he said with that warm smile. I looked over and saw him. It was HIM David. There he was down on one knee looking at me his finger pointed toward the space where my violin lay. I felt compelled as I grabbed the wooden instrument and looked into those familiar green eyes. He nodded in approval and then I rose to my feet and started playing. It was timid at first. But it built my song the song I was always meant to play. I saw David my David there he was cheering me on. I felt happy the tears in my eyes fell freely now as I felt at peace. I had my music I had my biggest fan and I had found my scarlet stage.