The nightmares are always the same. I find myself walking down a deserted road at night, searching, for what, I’m not sure. The buildings that surround me are familiar but I don’t recognise them. I look around and I notice that these structures have their lights on but there isn’t a person in sight. No people, no cars, no sound. Where is everyone? That’s when I smell it. The distinct scent of smoke grabs my attention. I turn and there it is. Sometimes it stands under a street light, sometimes it emerges from an abandoned home. No matter what, it’s always there.
A black mass, an indescribable entity. It has limbs but I can’t make out hands, it has a torso but I can’t tell its gender. The only thing that is clear is its eyes, piercing and bloodshot, never blinking. Whatever I do, its actions remain the same. With a purposeful stride, it limps towards me. It seems injured but it walks briskly all the same. The first few times, I tried running, but I never got far, it always catches up. Through trial and error, I’ve learnt to force myself awake before the presence draws near. Unfortunately, the figure doesn’t always stay inside my head.
Waking up in a daze, I’m comforted that the nightmare is over. Still half asleep, my sight is blurred. I try to focus as my room manifests around me. I’m awake and I feel safe, for a moment. Finally, I see it. The shape at the end of the bed. It stands there, staring at me. With just a look, it violates me. I’m paralysed, I can’t move my arms, unable to shift my legs. I try to scream but my breath has been stolen. Mouthing “help me”, I try to turn to Amelia’s side of the bed, but my efforts are in vain. All I can do is watch as the darkness consumes my world. I’m alone and I’m scared. The shape always disappears, but that offers me little reprieve from my trauma.
I want to talk to someone but nobody will understand, especially not my wife. For the last few months, our communication has been strained and our love seems to diminish with each passing day. I yearn for her touch, often wondering if something so simple could cure me from these dark dreams. For now, I’m forced to face the night by myself. What would she say If I told her anyway? She wouldn’t believe me. Nobody would believe me.
I’ve done a little bit of research online. There is a phenomenon called hypnopompic hallucinations. When the body wakes up suddenly, your mind can become stuck in a state between dreaming and being awake. Little is known about this but most medical professionals consider these hallucinations to be harmless.
Digging deeper, I discovered that a few old religions have customs related to waking visions involving dark figures. Some call them guardian angels while others view them as sinister entities peeking through the veil into our world. What they all seem to agree on is that these are not hallucinations of the brain but rather visitors from a place that man cannot comprehend. I’m not sure what to make of this information.
I’ve gone through these nights many times over, but yesterday was different. Somehow, I knew that I was due for another encounter with the shape at the end of my bed. Riddled with dread, I forced myself through the nighttime ritual. Bidding Amelia goodnight, I closed my eyes, bracing for the inevitable.
My eyes stretched open. Again, I stood on an abandoned road, but I wasn’t in a city, I was on a highway in the countryside. I looked up to the sky and noticed that there were no stars, no moon, only the black blanket of space. I had no source of light yet I could still see the endless road ahead of me. Miles of tar, leading to nowhere.
That pungent stench arrived once again. I looked and looked but my nemesis was nowhere to be seen. For a second I pondered whether it would appear until I realised the obvious, it must be behind me. Frightened and anxious, I attempted to wake myself up. I closed my eyes and held them shut, transitioning myself to the real world. Ready for the solace of my room, the smell of smoke lingered. I looked out, I remained on the highway. Chills electrified my body as I realised what needed to happen.
I turned around and there it was, waiting for me. The shape stood only a few meters away. This had gone on long enough. For the first time, I didn’t run nor did I look away. I wanted it to know that It wouldn’t control me any longer. Staring deeply, the presence became clearer than ever before. As the standoff continued, I realised its eyes were not only bloodshot, they were full of pain. That’s when I noticed the tears.
Quickly and suddenly I woke up. As expected, I couldn’t move and the figure stood before me. However, I wasn’t scared. Tired and alone, but not fearful. I had purpose and I knew that my visitor had overstayed its welcome. Slowly and strenuously, I managed to turn my body onto its side. As I lay there, finally at peace, I felt the warm embrace of my wife.
She held me tight and my thoughts were flooded with the memories of the life we once had. I couldn’t sleep but I didn’t want to, all my dreams were coming true. With morning still hours away, I thought it best to begin planning our future.
I thought about it for a while and I realised the best place to start would be a visit to the memorial. After all, it’s been a year since the accident.