We interupt this story to hear a word from our sponsor: The Hospitality of Goblins Group
Hello fellow non-human creatures and thank you for considering a trip to Abnorville! Why Abnorville you may be thinking? WHY NOT!
Welcome to Abnorville, the most exciting town in the worlds! Founded in unknown, mysterious origins, Abnorville is tucked away from all civilization in America (So quaint!), other than those who live here! No new humans may enter and no resident can leave! So cool!
Leave your boring interdimentional pocket of the monsterverse for a moment and come experience the wonders of suburb life! We use the wonders of the cracks in the walls found in the human world (TOTALLY legal!) to transport you in a completely safe and not-dangerous-or-life-threatening-shape-altering-voice-changing-height-decreasing-whatsoever manner! Yay Safety!
Come explore the most exciting human town known to Goblins and monsters alike and bask in the glory of:
A stroll through a neighborhood. (DISCLAIMER: please avoid any contact with the local cats.)
A visit to a used car dealership (if you’re lucky, your soul may possess a wavy inflatable tube man mascot for all eternity!)
A delicious meal at Chez Le Strange, the last remaining human-ran restaurant in town!
-An annoying customer service experience at our only human location of our retail empire, Goblizon!
-An encounter with the eclectic residents of the town/ maybe even a crazy cat-worshipping cultist! (DISCLAIMER: remember. Do. Not. By any means. Interact. With. The. CATS)
These experiences and more await you and your beautifully bizarre horde of a family if you so choose to visit the wonders of Abnorville!
The Hospitality of Goblins Group hold no responsibility for an causes of sudden side effects of traveling through cracks in the wall or Cat attacks
We now return you to your originally scheduled programming
Welcome to Abnorville, the most friggen boring place in America, or at least I think it is, as I’ve never had the pleasure of stepping out side this shitshow of a town due to….. reasons.
The name’s Nat. Nat Cowardly. Just an average guy living the rest of his eternity in one of the most monotonous helscapes known to mankind. Like how many times does a guy have to deal with the slow ass, shady customer service of goblins? Just the other day, I waited 48 hours in a damn waiting room just return one item I bought on Goblizon. One. Friggen. Item.
Oh, and why did I have to return it in the first place? Well it was a “trendy and new” instant espresso called “Pupspresso” that I waited 4 months on a waiting list for mind you, finally received it, and, low and behold, the product gets recalled due to causing the drinker to ‘suddenly experience the severe side effects of enlarged limbs, excess hair, large fangs, a wet snout, and the most euphoric caffeine high.’
It turns you into a damn jittery, caffeinated werewolf man. A damn Jitter Wolf. Like come on, I just want something to get me through the hellishly long shifts at my restaurant, Chez Le Strange. But whatever.
Oh and I didn’t even get that refund by the way. The Goblins run a damn monopoly on all things service industry around here, most restaurants, all retail, they even run a travel agency for interdimentional monsters, which makes traffic super inconvenient.
But hey, that’s just some of the “perks” of living here, but other than that, life feels like an endless loop of boredom and the same old, same old.
Things are way too predictable here to the point that I plan my weeks via my handy To-Do List and nothing new, noteworthy or interesting EVER happens. Don’t believe me? Come join me on one of these weeks and you’ll see the true side of Abnorville.