It’s been six months since my daughter Lisa disappeared. I remember that day so clearly, it was the 11th of November, her 18th birthday. That night she was out with her friends partying, I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea but she was an adult.
She has always been a rebellious kid, never listening to what I say. She escaped many times, every time we had even the smallest argument. The police visited us very often, most of the time to bring her home. For me was very difficult to raise her, especially because I was alone. Her dad disappeared after she was born. But I did my best to make her the most polite and clever woman I could.
For this reason, when she disappeared I thought it was normal, it had already happened hundred times before that time. She just needed space, I thought, she is an adult now and I can’t decide for her. I waited for her calls for 4 days but nothing, total silence, not one news about her, neither from her nor from her friends.
That day I decided to go to the police station to report her missing, they already know our family well so they didn’t ask me much. The last person who has seen her was her friend Angelica, Lisa has tell her that she was going to the seafront for a walk. I know from the outside it could seem strange but it was like a tradition for her, the see has always calmed her, even as a baby. Even if that night was like one in the morning, she needed to see the sea so she did it, the fear was never part of her personality, she was “brave” others said. But I think she was just naive about the world, nothing bad really happen in our small town, we are just normal and happy families.
It’s true that in small and happy towns there are the worst things, hidden underneath the look of safe and perfection. But why? why to my little Lisa?
She was the only thing I had.
The cops did their best, with all the people’s help, every woman and man in the town take part in the search group. Lisa helped always everyone, and played with every kid in town, everyone knew and respected her. This loss was not my personal loss but a loss for the town.
The group searched everywhere: on the beach first, on the roads that lead to the town, and in the nearby forest but nothing. Lisa disappeared, leaving behind not even her ashes. And meanwhile, all these people were searching for my daughter I did nothing but cry myself to sleep, every night.
From that day, for the next 4 months, every morning I went to the police station to ask for news. Every morning, for 4 terrible months I heard the same things.
we’re doing our best, we will find her
I heard this phrase hundreds of times, but nothing else, not even a small piece of news that could have helped me hope. It was always like a knife in my heart, my pain every time grew a little bit more. It was like seeing her again with her beautiful blue eyes and her brown long hair disappear again and again and it hurt.
But today is different from the usual. I know from the look on their faces, that they have to give me bad news. I stare at the white wall while they talk. They found a body on the beach, it could be Lisa, they says but I know they are wrong. The thing that she loved so much, the beach, it can’t have been his grave, I don’t believe that. Tomorrow we will have the result, I should go home and rest. I left the station and with shaky hands I drive home, trying to hold myself together while I feel the world fall on my shoulder and waves of guilty take me down to the bottom. My entire body feels so weak and heavy that I immediately feel on the couch, tired.
I take a bottle, “tequila” says the label, and then I start drinking and crying.
My little Lisa, your body is not where they’re found “you”, I know. You are with your dad, you and he are very similar, and your eyes are the same as his. Both of you left me alone, and now I’m like this, this sad and lonely woman drunk on her couch, in an empty house.
Both of you wanted to escape from me, I gave you all my love and time and like rats, you escaped. You were two ungrateful people. You deserved this. Now that you two are in the depths of the lake where you won’t escape from me, tomorrow I will be with you.
We will be a happy family, how I always wanted.