Some time ago, I began to dream this one dream. It was always the same with maybe little differences here and there. But the theme and the feelings I had were always the same. And each time I would wake up with my heart beating so loudly I can hear it in my ears and my whole body shaking.
The dream was about a little girl sitting on a bench in a park, similar to the one near the city I moved in some time ago. She seemed upset, covering her little face with her little hands and cried. I heard her wheeping and saw how her tears fell as I watched her from distance. She was all alone, and I felt sorry for her. Somehow I wanted to help her, but I didn’t know how. Suddenly I felt so helpless. “Maybe, I could say at least some nice words and try to comfort her” I thought to myself.
I took a few steps forward and raised my hand for greeting, calling “Hey” in her direction. She didnt look up. I decided to take a few more steps forward. As I was moving, here wheeping was getting clearer and the pain she was suffering louder with every step I took.
Finally I stood in front of her, maybe two meters close. She didn’t look up once the whole time, nor she seemed to notice me. In fact, she didn’t seem to notice anything around her.
“Hey” I said again. Her wheeping was quietly and certain at the same time. Suddenly, she stops, loosing up a little bit of her hand and body state.
“Hey, you are not alone”. I said, smiling and relieved she finally noticed me. I crouched down, trying to make it more comfortable.
She rubbed her face and looked up, revealing her face, which was all covered from tears that looked like they were falling since ever, without pause, building several layers in between. The eyes were red around from crying, filled with large teardrops which were close about to drop. Her mouth was a red line, which seemed to be weighted at both ends and pulled down endlessly on each site of its corners.
Her face was the enbodiment of pain, how I ‘d never seen it before in that form, making me wince immediately and loosing my crouched position, caused through the imbalance.
I looked at her with confusion for a moment. I was clearly disturbed but at the same time very attached, cause I felt her pain going through me like a thunder. I must have looked very upset and suddenly I feared, I would scare her and make her cry again.
But she was looking at me with the same expression, unchanged as before. Furthermore, she was rather calm and I noticed she was suddenly holding something in here hands. It was similar to an envelope. She reached one hand to me, the envelope in it, waiting for me to take it from her.
I wondered what it was and why it was meant for me. I’d never seen this girl before in my life. Nevertheless, after short hesitation, I finally took it. I could feel there was something in it, and I took a quick look to the girl, before I opened it.
From here on, all I knew is that everything went numb in the dream around me. Within a second I felt shattered inside. Tears went down my cheeks.
The girl continued to cry, bloody tears, which dropped soundless onto my hands and the envelope.
Usually at this point I would wake up with a scream from my dream. However, I could never remember what was in the envelope, nor why it was so disturbing to me.
Now it is afternoon, and I was preparing myself for a walk in the park here in the neighbourhood. I use to go regularly there shortly after the dreaming began, just to sit for a while on a bench similar from that in my dream, watching little birds and other animals and enjoying nature around me. However, the main reason why I was here, was me hoping to remember what was in the envelope.
Sometimes I would drift away for so long that the sun was going down already until I notice. Other times, I believed hearing passengers calling to me from distance, asking if everything was ok. These moments increased from time to time, as far as i can tell.
I began to wonder, if I wont return some time. I could feel I was so near from resolving. But everytime it seemed to be almost done, it began to move away again, leaving me frustrated and helpless, with nothing else left for me than sitting there and crying, hoping one day the girl will come and solve the mystery.