We’d relaxed the dress code the week before Halloween. Principal thought it might get kids excited for school – “They’ll be more excited to show off their costumes than stressed about their work,” she assured us. And you know what? She was right.
MONDAY
We’d just finished saying the pledge when I noticed the snickering coming from around the room. My eyes searched the sea of vampires and Disney characters until I found the subject of their amusement – Lillie, the same little Lillie who’s come to think of herself as something of a class clown in recent months, wearing a dark and curly wig that looked an awful lot like my hear, and a suit jacket remarkably similar to those I often wear to teach, grinning with the smug satisfaction of someone who knows they’ve impressed their peers.
She was me for Halloween.
I knew there wouldn’t be any ignoring this if I wanted to get any work done at all. The kids wanted their joke. So I let them have their joke.
“Class, out of everyone in here, who do you think chose the scariest costume?”
Every single student pointed to Lillie. The room erupted in laughter. Joke of the century, apparently. Lillie looked me in the eyes with that same smugness in her smile, and this time, with a bit of malice as well.
She knew I had to play her game. She knew she’d won this round.
I don’t like Lillie.
TUESDAY
It couldn’t just be a one-off joke. Of course not. A comedian like little Lillian (she doesn’t like being called that) wouldn’t stop there. Oh no, this had to be a group project.
This time, two more students followed her lead.
Benjamin and Isabella walked in with hastily thrown together approximations of my wardrobe. I shouldn’t have given them the satisfaction. I should have gotten on with class like I didn’t even notice. But I did notice. And I just had to play along.
“Oh no. It’s spreading.”
Laughs and laughs. Lillie wins again.
But it’s never enough, is it?
I saw them copying me. All three of them. The hand motions I made during the lesson, I saw them out of the corner of my eye. Of course once I looked directly at any of them their little hands would be right back on their desks like nothing happened. They knew I saw them. I think I even heard them whispering parts of the lesson a few times.
They’re trying to get in my head.
WEDNESDAY
They got me this time. They really got me.
Half the class dressed like me. Fine. I can take it. But then there’s David.
David came to class in my exact outfit. The outfit I wore that day. I mean, in a kid’s size, but still, it was the same clothes. How’d he know? It’s not like my wardrobe is on an exact schedule. A lucky guess? Too lucky. Maybe they followed me, saw what I was wearing when I left my house, but how would they copy it in time for class?
That’s when I realized it. Their little plan. They’re not just trying to mock me. That’s not nearly cruel enough.
They want to scare me.
Lillie. Lillian. This kid is going to be the death of me.
THURSDAY
Laura. She was one of the good students. I never had any trouble out of her. That’s the problem with a kid like Lillie. She can’t just act out on her own. She corrupts.
I recognized it immediately. I didn’t even know it was something I would recognize, but the kids, they knew. They knew.
There was Laura. In my classroom. Wearing the same outfit I’d worn to my first day of school more than twenty years ago. I looked around the room. It was nearly the whole class now. Their costumes were getting more convincing. But no other was as eerie as Laura. The good student.
They were copying me again. So many of them this time, it would be hard not to notice. I got fed up at one point. Turned around as fast as I could, one arm raised, and saw Lillie in the exact same stance.
I honestly don’t know which one of us moved first.
FRIDAY
They’re copying my face. I don’t know how they do it. It’s every student now. They all look just like me.
They’ve won. She’s won. I can admit that. They dressed like me and it’s scary. I’m scared. That should be the end, shouldn’t it?
I didn’t teach anything that day. At some point, I don’t know how long it had been, Lillie stood up and walked to my desk. I almost didn’t recognize her. I hoped she wanted to apologize. To tell me they’d all taken it too far. I thought she might at least say it’s over. Now that she won.
“I got you a present.”
She held out a mask. I took it. It was a corruption of my face. Bloated. Discolored. Eyes entirely white, bulging out of their sockets. It looked real, in a way.
“I don’t look like this.” That’s the only response I could manage.
“You will.”
MONDAY, AGAIN
The weekend was a break, but it didn’t help much. I didn’t see any of the kids. I thought I had a few times, but it was just me. My reflection, I mean. I know how it sounds. But these costumes, they’re convincing.
No more teaching. Not until it’s over.
One kid yelled out, “Why aren’t you wearing your mask?”
I don’t know which kid. They were using my voice. My voice from when I was their age. It doesn’t sound right, hearing that again, in person. Do other people hate their own voices? If they heard them like this they would.
More kids joined in.
“Where’s the mask?”
“Are you gonna wear it tomorrow? For Halloween?”
I looked at who I assumed to be Lillie, but honestly she could have switched seats with someone else and I wouldn’t know the difference. Whoever it was in her spot, I could tell they were smiling. Smiling their own smile behind my smile.
I’m so tired of seeing my face.
HALLOWEEN
I looked down at the mask in my hands, and then around the room. So many of me here. Such perfect little copies.
There was me the first time I broke a bone. Me from my grandfather’s funeral. Me from that party before I went home and put a gun in my mouth and chickened out.
And then the me in my hands. The one I’m afraid of becoming. The corruption.
They all sat in silent anticipation. This was the moment they’d been waiting for. What they wanted the whole time.
Fine.
I let them have it. I put on the mask.
And there it was again. All the laughter. I sat there, with my bloated face and bulging eyes, and every one of me was cheering me on.
She won again.
Lillie. Lillian.
She always wins.