If you are reading this, please tell me if I’m alone. I might sound batshit insane but I need to know. Firstly, I might be batshit, but I know what’s happening to me is real, so please, let me explain it from the begining. The date is April 9th, 2024. I think that’s right. Yesterday was going to be a great day. I had everything perfectly situated - but something must have gone wrong. Now I believe I’m part of an agony worse than anything my fragile mind could ever fathom. It’s taken me many hours before I could even begin typing this out, I think I need to be documenting this because, at this point, I know people can see my posts. I don’t think I’m dead, I think I’m being punished.
Monday, April 8th was a day I’ve been looking forward to ever since I viewed my first eclipse. Yesterday I finally had the chance to see it again, and since before then, I’ve been preparing. Everything was going great. I had cleared my calendar, ordered a nice pair of eclipse glasses, and even found a nice clear top floor of a car garage. I went with my mom. just like I had the last time the eclipse rolled around, I wanted it to be as special as the last. even better if I could manage it. This would be Mom’s final eclipse. She getting old, and she’s only got a few years left in her I fear. I was going to make sure nothing interrupted our chances of seeing this solar phenomenon.
Yesterday we sat out on that garage floor for a solid 3 hours before the eclipse even began, and let me tell you those were the best moments I think I have ever shared with Mom. Even if they were our last. I love her so much. We talked about all sorts of things, ranging from when I would be finishing my degree to what we would have eaten for dinner last night. However, for about an hour after these conversations subsided, she was mostly quiet, I was actually surprised that at this point in our conversation she had spoken as much as she had. It was a nice change considering the damage to her throat caused by the aftermath of chain-smoked menthols. The silence passed minute by minute and we both watched out of the parking garage, down to the street below where pedestrians would be crossing back and forth on the crosswalk. They would be either going to the garage or their apartments across the street. Meanwhile, my anxious self was constantly checking my phone to see the time tick away, but Mom on the other hand had a fixed gaze straight up. Or from what I could assume to be a gaze, I couldn’t tell because her eclipse glasses had concealed her eyes. Of course, I made sure we had an approved pair. I wasn’t taking any risks with blindness, Little did I know that wasn’t going to be my main concern. Finally, a few more minutes to the eclipse remained. It was now the tone of our special day shifted towards something I was more familiar with. Mom spoke again. Except her voice sounded very different now, instead of her familiar raspy, dry, and guttural smoker tone I’ve become accustomed to, it was something much more smooth, serine, and nostalgic from many, many years ago. She spoke to me without moving her head to face me, still staring off into the sky. “One of these days… you are just going to disappear.”
I haven’t always gotten along with my Mom, I used to think it’s because we come from very different backgrounds, but I’m not so sure anymore. It’s almost eccentric how our lives seemed to swap since she fostered me. The day I showed up at her door I was the worst case she ever had, but seeing her was an opposite view. She had her shit together, running 2 different jobs and still managing to foster me, all with a smile on her face. She changed me of course, I got better, but I feel like in the process I drained her. Now It’s been a long time since she’s had her shit together. Eclipse day is special to me, but not because I’m an astro-freak or anything. I couldn’t care less to see the sky get dark for 3 minutes. It’s special because of what happened last time.
Back in 2017 was when I saw my first eclipse, I didn’t really think much of it then and I’m not sure I really even remember it, but I do remember what happened after. When we went back inside after seeing the moon intersect with us and the Earth, I was getting ready to do some homework and eat a snack, but before I could pry the fridge ajar, I saw in the mass of bills and presumably important documents a very heavy red font. I may have been young at the time but I was an exceptional reader, and I knew It was an eviction notice. I was well aware Mom had been struggling to pay utilities ever since she lost her second job, or as she called it “Market Basket from satans asshole.” I quickly pieced everything together. I stood there wondering how long it would be till I went to another home. I stood there wondering how many more homes I would go to. I stood there, and I heard her footsteps behind me. She spoke in her then smooth, serine, and soon-to-be nostalgic voice. “Please don’t worry about that. You won’t have to anymore. I have one more document to add to this fridge.” after saying this she took a round stone-shaped magnet and planted a set of documents on the cream-colored fridge. They were my adoption papers. I stood there, and for once in my life I didn’t feel helpless.
The streets below us started to fill up with crowds of people and soon it would be time for the the sun to be overthrown. I put on my eclip-ticals (tm) and gazed into the stratosphere. Sure enough there it was, the dark circle passing over the orange circle. I would say it was beautiful, but admittedly, it was a bit underwhelming. I had to figure Mom was getting a kick out of it though, so of course, I had to throw in the cheesy “Whoa! This is insane! Are you seeing this?” I left my eclip-ticals on till the spheres no longer intersected and the orange circle was completely visible again. A part of me wishes I never took the glasses off, to begin with. I wish that I would have just left them on while rotting in this parking garage, absolved from what was about to come. That’s not what happened.
I removed my glasses while staring back down to avoid any sunlight blinding my eyes. I went to look at my mother, only to find that she was no longer next to me. Her chair remained empty with no trace of her around. I spun my head in every direction possible, and that’s when I noticed something else. It was still dark out. Everything is completely unlit. I looked back up into the sky expecting to see a cloud, or a blimp, or something… but there was nothing. No sun. No moon. No clouds. Nothing but the empty dark abysmal plane of our universe. Even though nothing can gauge depth into this sky, I can feel it. It’s a vast expanse that stretches and stretches. When I look up, I feel as if I’m going to float away into the universe, drift off from Earth, and be consumed by the endless void. I couldn’t understand what was happening so I tried rubbing my eyes, I tried pinching myself to wake up, I even put the glasses back on to see if anything changed. I thought that maybe I went blind, that maybe the glasses were faulty. But I was there, and there is here. The sun is not there anymore, and my Mother is missing, and I don’t know what’s going on.
I saw something at the bottom of the garage in the street. I don’t want to move from this lawn chair anymore because I’m too afraid. Instead of a crowd passing back and forth from apartment to garage and vice versa, there was something else. I couldn’t exactly see what it was because there’s not any sunlight anymore, but it looked to be some sort of dark mass, like something alive but also maybe not. I figured it was alive because I swore I could see it breathing, but now I know it’s alive. I know because when I was peering over the concrete edge, It peered back up. It stared at me with many eyes. Eyes that were glossy, silver, and tiny. They didn’t blink, but they were oh-so alive. When it looked at me I felt the opposite feeling I feel looking up the the dark plane, I felt like I was going to be dragged down. Tore to shreds, I felt so vulnerable, like it knew me, and knew what I hated. I felt my soul spoil.
I’m not sure what to do, it’s been over 24 hours. I haven’t been able to sleep. It’s like my body won’t let me. I just don’t have the desire to shut my eyes at all. I’m not moving from this chair, but I want to find out where Mom went. I need to. I don’t know why she left me here, maybe she saw something like I did and felt like she needed to leave? I don’t know. I’m able to use my phone though, I even have data up here. So I’ve tried texting my Mom, friends, and literally everyone else in my contacts, but as soon as I send the message, the recipient replies with “unknown number.” Finally, I cracked and tried 911. I quickly jolted up from my chair when someone on the other end picked up, but all I could hear was static. At this point, my phone was starting to feel pointless, but I kept trying things. I thought maybe I could reach people through Instagram but most of my apps just ask to create an account, and when I try to do so the buttons send me to 404 error pages. A few of my apps work though. So far it’s only Reddit and Pandora music, which I haven’t touched in forever. Pandora should come in handy because another thing I’ve slowly come to notice is that there are no sounds out here. The world is so very quiet. I don’t hear cars on the interstate. I can’t hear people talking and walking around, and I can’t hear any sounds other than my own. I’m losing battery fast, It seems like I have no choice but to go find a charger. Please, I need help. If there are any ideas you have I need you to tell me. Anything, please. The lights won’t come back on and I’m so afraid.