Ever since I was a child, I’ve had a special connection to the moon. According to my mother, I was born on a full moon night. As she lay on the hospital bed that night, giving birth to me, she stared at the moon shining in full glory outside the window. And when I was born, she said, I glowed, just like the moon. Growing up, my mother has always compared me to the moon - quiet, silent and reserved, yet so beautiful, while my elder brother resembled the sun – loud and fiery. My brother, four years my senior, was named Haenim, while I was named Dalnim, after the Korean mythological story about two siblings, who climbed so high that they reached the sky, and turned into the sun and moon respectively.
Whenever I felt sad or anxious, I’d look out at night to find the moon smiling back at me. I felt like the moon would be there for me, it’d always rise no matter what and I could turn to it anytime I felt lonely. Sometimes during mid-afternoons, you can see the moon peeking out in the sky, and whenever I caught a glimpse of it, I believed that it appeared only for me, to let me know that it was always watching over me, protecting me from far above.
Looking at the moon gave me an inner sense of peace and tranquillity. The fact that the moon brightens up even the darkest corners of the earth was always so magical to me. It gave faith, that even in the darkest of times, a ray of hope would eventually appear.
Moongazing was a beloved hobby of mine. I’d sit out on the porch overlooking the front yard every night, gazing up for hours until I eventually fell asleep on the chair. Then, I’d wake up in the middle of the night and drag myself to my bedroom, so that I get some proper sleep for school the next day. And I’d always wake up feeling refreshed. I felt one with the universe. When I was a child, my mom would accompany me for this “ritual”, narrating stories from all over the world, and carrying me back to my room when I fell asleep. But when I grew up, I used to be all alone doing this, and I had all the time to myself.
Sometimes I did homework out on the porch and hurriedly tried to finish it so that I could go back to staring at the moon. Sometimes I’d listen to music, sometimes I’d journal, sometimes I’d sketch, and sometimes I’d simply sit down, feeling the presence of the moon’s glow all around me. Even after I had a rough day at school, I’d calm down at night, and all my problems seemed so trivial considering the vastness of this universe.
The moon made me feel beautiful. Even though my skin was not ghastly pale like the moon’s surface (instead, it was tanned in a golden hue), it resembled the moon’s glow and it visibly shone. My freckles adorned my cheeks like craters adorned the moon. I was not perfect by any chance, but my imperfections had a unique beauty. And this was all due to the moon who was a motherly figure to me by now, and I felt that she made me so elegant because of my utter devotion to her.
One night, I was writing down in my diary. I was 15 at that time, I had a tennis match the next day, and my dad was in the hospital with a broken leg. I was naturally quite anxious and worried for him, and also for my tennis match. So, I wrote down,
My wishes for this week:
• I wish I do well in tomorrow’s match.
• I wish dad recovers soon.
And then, my mom called me inside to help her with some chores. Absentmindedly, I left my diary wide open as the moon shone right down on it. I helped mom and went right back to sleep because I wanted to win the match the next day.
I kept the window of my bedroom open, and a cool breeze blew inside and I fell fast asleep. The next day went well for me. And I mean, it was absolutely fabulous. I won the match, even though I wasn’t expecting it at all. And dad? He was able to walk, although he wasn’t supposed to be able to do that for the next two months. It was a miracle, he consulted the doctors, and they were shocked too. And all at once, I knew it was the moon fulfilling my wishes. The moon’s energy charged my diary up, making every single one of my desires come true.
I tried this many other times, and by trial-and-error, I discovered that the moon fulfils only those wishes which are not harmful to others or those which don’t cause me materialistic gain. Once I wished for a diamond necklace to test the powers of the moon, and it wasn’t fulfilled for a whole month. I asked for some earrings next, but I didn’t get them either. But when I asked for good grades on an important test, I got an A+. Once I was very upset at my mom and wished for her to cut her finger (I know, this wasn’t very nice of me) but she never did. Instead, I got a cut on my palm while trying to peel a potato, even though I was quite confident in my potato-peeling skills. The cut hurt like a bitch for a whole week. I was sure that the moon was trying to teach me a lesson, and it was quite successful. This particular incident taught me never to be vengeful towards anyone.
Well, this brings me to the main incident which inspired me to create this post. This happened just last week. I’m 17 currently, and in the last year of high school. Haenim has moved away to a different state to pursue his master’s. I’ve been dating Lance for about 6 months now.
One night, my parents were out of town for a relative’s wedding and Lance was home to help me with “homework”. The truth was, he just wanted to get in my pants. Our relationship was already quite rocky, and my friends kept telling me that he was an asshole. I didn’t listen to them obviously, and this was a big, BIG mistake. Well, I don’t even remember why I invited him to my house in the first place. The incidents that happened after he arrived are still kind of blurry, but I remember he kept trying to persuade me for sex and I kept refusing.
He pushed me against the wall of the living room and attempted to kiss me. My reflexes kicked in, and my palm connected with his cheek in a harsh slap. It helped me get him off me, and he stared at me in shock for a moment. Quite a long moment. And then, he curled his hand into a fist and aimed for my face. His fist hit the bridge of my nose, as a sharp pain soared through my entire body and blood splattered on my shirt.
Helplessly, I let out a scream and looked out of the window at my neighbour’s house, trying to see if the lights are on, to check if they were still awake. Then I gazed up at the bright full moon, pain written all over my face. That wasn’t for long though, as I felt Lance grabbing my neck, trying to squeeze it. I was so, so scared. Feeling adrenaline rushing through my body, I slammed my fist into his ribs, and I heard him wince in pain. That loosened his hold on my neck, and as I was about to run out of the house, I noticed that he was just staring blankly at nowhere. It was as if I simply wasn’t there. Then he started walking mindlessly and tripped. His head barely missed the sharp edge of the glass coffee table, and I shudder to even think about it. He got back up and fell immediately. Then he started convulsing. And all the while, I just watched. I was too stunned to do anything else.
And then, I saw her. Clad in a silver and blue silk dress, standing in a corner, she had long black hair and a crown shaped like a crescent moon adorned her head.
She had small golden wings, and she was the epitome of beauty and grace. She was so beautiful, but at the same time, the sight of her terrified me. The fact that anyone could be so mesmerising, she surely couldn’t have been a human.
She flashed me a smile and vanished as quickly as she’d appeared. I knew then, that it was the moon, who came to guard me against any danger.
All of this seemed to have happened over hours, but really, it happened in just two minutes. My neighbours barged into the house after hearing me scream, finding me with a bloody nose in a dreamlike trance, not responding to any of their questions. And Lance was on the floor, unable to get up. They called an ambulance, and everything was a blur. They asked me a lot of questions about what happened that night, my parents are still very worried, and I’m still unsure about what was going to happen next. The next few days have been quite confusing, I feel tired every single day. I’m scarred from this incident, and I feel like I can never trust anyone again, except my family and her.
When I got discharged, that night I wrote in my diary,
• I wish Lance is punished for whatever he did.
I hope you continue to guard me eternally. I’ll be forever grateful for your help. Thank you, I cannot say it enough. If it weren’t for you, what would I have ever done?
Things are going in my favour, it seems.