“When something looks too good to be true, it usually is” - Emmy Rossum
I wish I knew this quote earlier. I should have known that the offer was just simply too good to be true. Let me tell you about my story and how I even got into this mess.
My name is Shawn Flaherty, and I am a former security guard at Blake’s Museum of History. I had recently gotten laid off as a bouncer for the local nightclub, and me and my buddy Nick were looking for jobs when we stumbled across this:
“$200 an hour as a night shift security guard for Blake’s Museum of History! No prior experience necessary. Call 666-547-1926.”
Now $200 an hour was over double my previous wage, so me and Nick jumped on the opportunity.
“Dude, if we get this job, we could get, like, a Ferrari!” Nick said impatiently.
That’s my buddy, always thinking big picture. Anyway, we both called the number and were told to show up at the museum that night at 10 p.m. to begin work. That night. Obviously, me and Nick were over the moon. We had just gotten the job of our dreams without the snooze-a-thon of the interview process. I drove us down to the museum and we arrived at 9:45, because first impressions matter. We hopped out of my faded red Taurus and were instantly greeted by a rather round man who introduced himself as Mr. Bell, head of security.
“Ah, the new hires! Welcome aboard! We will go to the basement for your briefing, and then you can begin work.” Mr. Bell said. We all crowded into an elevator with two other people inside, one man and one woman.
“Shawn and Nick, this is Luke and Angela, your two coworkers. They will help me with the briefing and ease you in on day one.” Mr. Bell announced. “I suggest getting acquainted fast, as you will be spending a lot of time together over these months.”
We made it to the basement, as signified by a sudden jolt. We all walked into a booth with a control panel, bathroom, and table. On this table was a singular piece of paper with the museum logo on front. Mr. Bell picked up the paper and began reading it aloud.
“If you are hearing this, you all have been appointed as our new night security guards. Listen and listen well, as I won’t repeat myself.”
“What a tool,” Nick whispered to me. He never really cared for authority figures.
Just then, I caught Devon staring at us, a harsh look in his eyes. He gestured to be quiet, and then started reading his spiel.
“Welcome to Blake’s Museum! We wish you a long and prosperous career here. However, in order to make your work nights…easier, we have some simple rules for you to follow.”
Rules, rules, rules. Even as an adult, you couldn’t escape them. I could hear Nick snickering in the background.
Angela suddenly stepped forward and began reading.
“Our first and most important rule is that you should never venture out of this booth alone. Always use the buddy system. Two people can protect one another in the chance that something happens.”
Mr. Bell stepped forward, a fire in his eyes.
“It is absolutely imperative you follow this rule. Two of you can fight one off, but one of you doesn’t stand a chance.”
Now I was concerned. Who the fuck was this “one” he was referring to? I swallowed my fear and let Angela continue.
“Our next rules outline what jobs you should be completing during which hours and some specific rules for each block. Between 11 p.m. and 1 a.m., your job is to patrol the museum and make sure everything is in order. During this time, you might see a red light emanating from the fourth floor bathrooms. This is normal. Do not enter these bathrooms while the light is there.”
“We have two night janitors that you may see patrolling around. Their names are Gail and Jeffery. We have no janitors named anything else. If a janitor introduces themself to you as someone else, shoot them with your handgun, which should be kept on your person at all times.”
Now I was freaked. In what fucking universe is red lights and shooting janitors normal? I raised my hand, but everyone ignored me. Devon stood and continued reading.
“You should, during this time, patrol every exhibit to make sure everything is in working order. However, we have no exhibit named “History of the Renaissance.” If you see this exhibit, DO NOT ENTER. We are still finding pieces of liver from the last guard who walked in there.”
Ok, now I was ready to walk out, but I couldn’t. The pay was simply too good. I just tried to keep a straight face while Devon continued.
“Between 1 and 3 a.m., your job is to monitor the cameras using the control panel. You are to write anything of interest you see in the journals. If the control panel suddenly goes dark, hide in the closet and wait until power is restored.”
“On the cameras, you might see your loved ones. They will probably be in the middle of being disemboweled or hung or some other method of execution. This is a trick that they use to lure you out. Do not respond.”
Mr. Bell suddenly stood up, dismissed Devon and Angela, and sat down in front of us.
“These rules are absolutely imperative to your safety. Breaking them could have catastrophic consequences.”
Mr. Bell started reading the remainder of the rules.
“You will see people roaming the museum during this time. Most of these are just harmless illusions, but if you see a woman in a red dress, immediately run to where she is and shoot her. If you are too late to notice her on the panel, she will stare at the cameras. If this happens, pray to whatever god you believe in and hide in the bathroom until you feel it’s safe.”
“If she’s hot, maybe I’ll invite her in the bathroom with us,” Nick whispered dryly.
I cringed internally and gestured to Mr. Bell to continue.
“The camera in the Egyptian exhibit is out perpetually. Everything we do does not change the static you should see. However, when clicking through the exhibits, if you see a group of people around a fire, write down everything you see in your journal.”
“From 3 to 3:30 is your break. Proceed to the break room on the second floor. We don’t have a break room anywhere else. Make sure you are back in this room by 3:45. If you are caught outside at that time, you are as good as dead.”
“From 4 to 7, you are to roam the museum again. However, this block is the most dangerous. Pay very close attention.”
He glanced hard at Nick, and then continued.
“If you are approached by a man in a tuxedo carrying a briefcase, bid him a good night and point him to the roof. Without fail, he jumps off, but if you refuse to show him the way, you will be put in his place.”
“During this block, your watches will try to deceive you. They will say it is 7 am, which is when you are free to go. However, you will die on the spot if you exit the museum before 7. Listen for me and only me over the intercom telling you when to leave. If anyone else says it, don’t follow it.”
“Last rule: you will probably be approached by a man wearing black robes and carrying tarot cards. He will ask you if you want your fortune read. You are free to accept or decline, but accept at your own risk. Everything he says comes true and could be fortunate or extremely unfortunate.”
“I know this is a lot to digest, but I chose you both because of your incredible aptitude. If you need to refer to the rules, I’ll leave this sheet here. Good luck to both of you.” And with that, he left.
A lot to digest. He read us a whole freaking novel and expected us to remember it.
“Yo dude, I just got the chills,” Nick said.
“Then let’s get to work,” I responded, as the door of the control room swung wide open.