Authors note: This is my first post on the sub, but I have a story to tell and dont know where else I would post it. I see in the rules, “Everything is true here, even if it’s not.” I want to make it clear this story is 100% factual. This is a story about a number that haunted my thoughts and recently appeared again in a disturbing way. Please comment if you have had similar experiences, since it would honestly help knowing I am not the only one.
As a child I experienced many things that I assumed were normal, but have grown to question. A short example would be knee pain. Not the occasional knee pain, but excruciating discomfort day after day that tormented me for years. While this is easy to explain, since it was likely growing pains, there is another unexplainable experience from my childhood that follows me to this day.
The number is 1221. I do not know when it first began and I have a poor memory, but I can confidently say that by age 12 the number 1221 had taken control of my thoughts. While sitting on the bus headed to school it would replay in my mind. 1221.1221.1221.1221. I would see the numbers flashing by in my head when I closed my eyes and I remember all the nights where I couldn’t sleep because I just kept thinking of the number over and over. When I was distracted everything was fine, but when my mind was free to wander the number would return. I never mentioned it to anyone, since I didn’t have any siblings and I honestly thought this was a normal experience. I assumed everyone had their own number they would think about.
I saw the number or the pattern almost daily. Simple things like one rock on the sidewalk, then two more together, then another pair of rocks, then a single rock. There are far to many small occuences to remember, but I have two notable incidents. When I was about 13 minecraft was gaining popularity quickly. I wanted to make an account, but my mom would never let me use a card to buy something online. Luckily, a friend at the time told me had an account one day when we were at my house. I got him to log in on my computer and I discovered the username on his account was Minecraft_1221. We had never discussed my fascination with the number. Another memorable occurrence came a few years later when I bought a bike lock at Walmart. The bike locks came with predetermined codes and when I got home and opened it I found my code was, you guessed it, 1221. I remember thinking that at least I wouldn’t forget the code.
After many years the number continued to follow me, but it didn’t dominate my mind as described above. I believe the torment described above (constant fixation of the number that kept me up at night) lasted around two years, but I know by 15 I had more traditional thoughts for a boy of that age. I still saw the patterns in mundane things, but it just seemed like part of life. I understand it may seem odd I never discussed it with anyone, but it wasn’t until around age 20 when I really began to reflect on it and realize how bizarre the story seems. For the next few years I would occasionally try to remember back and try to figure out a logical reason for the fixation on the number 1221, but I can’t remember any link between myself and the number. No accounts I made or passwords from my childhood had it, no phone numbers, nothing. My only insight was that it’s a simple pattern, which made sense why it would appear and I would recognise it consiously or subconsciously.
This leads me to last night where, with a good sativa, my best friend and I began to discuss childhood events and other semi-repressed memories (not consciously repressed, but just memories from childhood we don’t often think about in our mid 20’s). I eventually explained the story as I have written it above. This is the first time I ever really explained what it was like to someone and I hoped that he would respond by telling me that some number, object, or idea would also play in his mind as a child. If others had similar experiences then maybe I was just a normal kid and didn’t have to worry about other explanations I came up with that began to worry me. Undiagnosed mental illness. I was diagnosed with ADD around 16, but always did well in school and have no other symptoms that would lead me to believe i had a mental illness, but then again how would I know if I had symptoms. I know how my thoughts work, but i don’t know how your brain works or which one of us is the normal one.
Unfortunately, my friend was not able to relate in any way to my story. His closest example was a universal experience, a song stuck in your head for a day or two. The reason I made this post is because of what he admitted next. I want to be careful of how I say this for doxxing purposes The primary code he uses to access finances is, you guessed it, 1221. He has used the code for years. Another example of the number that follows me, even now in my mid 20s.
Afterword: Thank you for taking the time to read this. Again, this is all factual. Please feel free to comment with questions, since I seriously want to know your theory as to why these events occured. Is it because I began to think about the number and then was subconsciously looking for it in day to day life (Like when you learn a new word and hear or see it shortly afterwards)? Mental illness? The devil? Significance in a past life? Sure I could ask a psych, but why do that when I have the great people of reddit.
Wish you the best,
T