So I’ve (30) kept this to myself for as long as I can remember. My family and friends know about my night terrors, but I’ve never fully disclosed the extent of my experiences. It’s as though speaking about it aloud would somehow make it more real, more tangible. For those of you who don’t know night terrors are “a sleep disorder in which a person quickly awakens from sleep in a terrified state.” They differ from nightmares, which are just bad dreams a person awakens from, in the morning typically, and which a person can recount some details of. Night terrors occur in the beginning of a person’s sleep cycle, and can result in sleep walking. They occur most commonly in children, and less commonly in adults. Night terrors present differently with different people, mine always involve screaming, temporary sleep paralysis, sitting up in bed, sweating, and increased heart rate. On average per year I experience 6 of these episodes, always in the deep sleep phase. This sleeping disorder has always followed me throughout my life- in college, in relationships, and has always required me to explain and warn to my partner or roommate about potential episodes.
What scares me, and what I can’t bring myself to tell others is what I see in my night terrors. Ever since I was 5, when I had my first night terror, it has always been the same. My eyes open, and they see a shadowy figure, standing directly next to my bed, bent over me and reaching out to touch me. At first I’m unable to move my body, all I can do is just stare. Stare at this figure with its upper body hovering over my bed. This paralyzing feeling lasts a couple seconds but it feels like forever, that I’m in this state of staring. Before they touch me, I’m able to scream and sit up, after which the figure then always disappears. The physical symptoms or aftermath of the episodes are dramatic, my heart rate goes from a resting rate to 120 in split seconds, and adrenaline is literally coursing through my body. Once my adrenaline and heart rate go down, I fall straight back to sleep, sometimes almost instantaneously.
The shadowy figures over the years have always changed. Sometimes it is a tall man, sometimes a bent old women, sometimes I cannot even distinguish a gender. In the darkness it’s impossible to recognize any facial features, or clothing, just the shape of the entity. What I do know, is that the fear that fills me, is unlike any fear I’ve ever experienced, there’s something dark and sinister about the figures that I can’t even put words to. Like they want something from me. The following days after an episode, I always feel completely devoid of energy or emotion, almost as if it was taken away from me, my mind empty, except with suicidal ideations and thoughts. For these few days it’s hard to find any meaning in anything. After a few days, I’m back to normal like nothing happened, sleeping normally, and feeling normal.
I don’t really believe in supernatural theories. But this has been occurring for so long, and no matter where I move, or how good or bad my life is, I always have these episodes. Perhaps what I’m seeing is just figments of my mind, but some irrational part of me, tells me it’s more. Am I crazy? Does anyone else have similar experiences?