The owner of this account is dead, so I decided I might as well hijack it.
Hi, my name is David, I’m twenty years old, and my current job is making deals and tempting people to sin. I know, I might not be the nicest person ever, but it’s the circumstances’ fault.
And the circumstances were less than ideal. My mother died giving birth to me and my father blamed me for her death. Also, he was an alcoholic. I’ll spare you the details of his daily beatings.
I tried my best, but it wasn’t nearly enough. Eventually, I ended up in jail for attempted murder. It all went downhill from there.
Exactly one week ago, I died of a drug overdose. That was… unpleasant.
And then I got the job. My first “client” was this account’s owner. This should be easy. She was already insane and ready to believe anything. Also, she was suicidal and miserable. She’d do anything to turn her life around.
Or that’s what I thought.
I appeared just in time as she was about to eat some poison.
“I hate you all, I hate you so-“
“I’m offering you a deal. Anything you want in exchange for your immortal soul.”
“Does this mean Hell is r- Oh nevermind. I’m probably hallucinating out of fear of death.”
She laughed nervously.
“Hell is very real. Just sign this document with your blood and get whatever you want.”
“The price seems like a bit too much, don’t you think? Also, does this mean I’ll go to Heaven even if I commit suicide? I don’t really see how you can improve my situation.”
I didn’t, either. What had I done?!
She quickly swallowed the poison and fell convulsing on the floor. All I could do was watch as she took her final breath. The sight was, to say the least, disturbing.
Crap. What should I do?! My boss would do something much worse than just kill me.
“David! How are you doing? Any progress?”
“Uhh… Well, I didn’t succeed in convincing her, but I have many more attempts left, right?”
“Sure. Just make sure you get us three new sinners by next Monday. Otherwise you’ll have to suffice.”
My eyes widened in terror, but I managed to crack a joke.
“Hah, looks like I’ve gotten myself into a pyramid scheme!”
“Oh come on, some people are dying to get here!”
The other forty-five potential sinners were even worse. They either just yelled “Begone!” and worshipped God even harder or got paralyzed with fear.
One particular person tried to kill me with a sword. He only managed to leave a cut on my arm. I didn’t wait for him to finish what he’d started - I don’t even know whether I can die again, should probably ask - but the wound still hurts quite a bit.
None of them died, though. That’s why I’m posting from this account.
And, well, that’s pretty much it. How do I even make otherwise righteous people sin?
The deadline is tomorrow morning.