i need help, i already went to all the doctors that i could possibly go, and yet they see nothing wrong with me, i’m a completely healthy male, but i know that this isn’t right..i just know it!- everytime i try to rest or just do my chores i can feel those dirty paws and feet walking and crawling under my skin..contorting it’s pores and walking on it, changing my inner anatomy to such a level that if i were to be dissected at this exact moment i would be unrecognizable as human being
Recently i had got a call from my best friend, Ava, she’s a entomologyst, and probably the most dedicated one i’ve ever met, i don’t know how she manages to handle all of those multiple eye beasts- whatever i saw a cockroach or a praying mantis on my house i would just freak the absolute fuck out, these things are just disgusting, ugly, and pass up diseases to us, there is barely a decent ‘use’ for them
That’s why i was surprised to hear that she needed my help to remove some of her beloved ‘specimens’ from the attic, she knows very well that i hate bugs, even dead ones, the thought of them even near me is just haunting, and yet at the same time i knew that i had to surpass this irrational fear i have of them, so i thought that maybe the exposure technique would do well to me, it certainly wasn’t going to cure my fear but..atleast it was a start.
After a lot of talking i decided to accept it, i took a few breaths, telling myself that it wasn’t going to be so bad, they are dead anyways- so they had no way of biting or stinging me, i grabbed my helmet and went straight to my motorcycle, she lives in a very far neighborhood, and there’s no way i’m going there by walking, Dallas is freaking big.
After a few minutes of driving i finally got to her house, she greeted me, i greeted back, trying to hide my unnerving nervousism from her, which i’m pretty sure it was fruitless, as i saw her snicker at me when i started to stutter when she told me to go upstairs, but whatever, her little mocking was the least of my problems at that moment
After some short talk she finally introduced me to her attic, i had been at her house multiple times for multiple reasons, but she always kept her attic as a sort of ‘secret’, which wasn’t really a secret since she never really prevented anyone from going inside, nor was it locked, me and our friends were curious to know what was inside, but at the same time we didn’t really had the courage to ask her if we could get inside, which may sound silly but that’s just some privacy problems we have in our friend group.
As i stepped up the stairs and finally managed to step foot into the wooden planks i couldn’t help but to feel absolute panic as soon as Ava turned on the lights…inside that..fucking hell hole of a room there were all the types of bugs and arachnids a person would ever see in their life time, it ranged from small little ants to huge ‘Goliath Birdeater spiders’ Just look at this thing’s name, it eats birds! and it’s a spider! i was frozen at that sight, all of those disgusting creatures, all surrounded by resin to preserve their bodies for some reason just terrified me..they were dead and literally stuck between centimeters of a transparent solid, but i still felt afraid!
Ava, being a good friend she is finally noticed my frozen, paralyzed state. ‘there is nothing to fear!’ she said. ‘they’re dead! and even if they weren’t they wouldn’t harm you’ she added right after, even tho i already knew those things, the fact that SHE was the one that told it to me was comforting, and after minutes that seemed to stretch for hours i finally got to move again, each ‘box’ of resin had species of the same family, a box of beetles or..spiders..centipedes and all of that, i couldn’t stare at them for longer than a few seconds before of the thought of them crawling on my body snapped my glare away from them.
So, slowly but surely we got those boxes out of the attic, it was a painfully slow process, but if it was to help my best friend then it was worth it.
…
Boy..how i was wrong..there was only one box to get out, it had this insect called ‘earwig’, it looks weird because it has pincers on it’s butt, however i was reliefed that i was finally going to be the last box, we would get it out of the attic, she would thank me and i would go home, simple…well..it should have been..
I got my grip onto the box, holding it carefully, as i was almost getting it outside the attic i felt it..i felt..something..crawling up my flip flops..and then, it went up my right leg, i instantly lat go of the box and started to scream in absolute panic and fear..i shaked my leg, trying to get whatever was on it to let go, but it wouldn’t budge..it was almost as if it was sticked to my leg, and then, after it stopped, i felt a pinch, it was the most painful sensation that i had ever felt..it was two pincers piercing my skin and ripping inside my flesh, pumping what seemed like a sort of..semi-fluid on my muscle and skin..it was a living nightmare that thankfully lasted no more than 30 seconds.
And it only stopped because of Ava, who had to hold my leg still and yank the bug out of my body, giving me another solid minutes of everlasting pain that took millenia like minutes to wash away, she analyzed the bug, it was a species of the insect in the box, a earwig, she mentioned how she found weird that it pinched a human, they normally only do that in self-defense, i did shake my leg, so it probably thought that it was endangered, what weirded her out the most is the fact that it used it’s back pincers, not the front ones, they use the back pincers to old their prey still and breed or something, not to harm or hunt prey.
I told her about how hard it had pierced me, that made her look really worried, so she helped me walk to the couch, as i couldn’t walk properly without limping, she layed me down on her couch as she got the other box by herself, once she was done she decided to take me to my house, both me and her thought that it was just a wound that would heal with time, and it certainly looked like it from outside, it was bleeding a little bit, sure, but it looked harmless!
As she drived me home in her car i could feel my leg tingling, i thought it was normal and decided not to tell her about it..atleast there wasn’t pain anymore, and that alone was a big relief for me, we got to my house, the tingling sensation only got stronger, but i just ignored it, she apologized, and drove away before i could say anything, probably felt bad that i had to go through this, i reached for the doorknob, and forgot it was locked, and as i started to go for my key on my pocket the tingling spreaded, it went to my foot and waist, quickly taking over my entire torso in a matter of minutes
Luckily i was able to unlock the door and lay on the couch, where i haven’t managed to move from since my last doctor apointment yesterday, i quickly collapsed, although i’m not sure why, all i know is that when i woke up the tingling took over my entire body…it felt like thousands and thousands of ants crawling underneath my skin and bones every second, it was agonizing, a living hell.
I somehow gathered the strength, courage, and energy to stand up and walk to my bathroom, i took a well deserved cold bath, weirdly enough, the cold of the water soothed the sensation of the tingling, which was a big relief, atleast it wasn’t as bad as before, i got my towel and started to dry myself, everytime i even touched my skin with the towel it felt just so weird..the tingling got fast paced on the area i touched, and when i removed it, it would just go back to normal
That’s when i clicked, i had to go to a doctor, now, i went as quick as i could to my bedroom, an agonizing jogging from the bathroom to my bedroom, my leg didn’t hurt as much, but it was uncomfortable to jog due to the wound, as soon as i got to my bedroom i got my most loosened clothes and called Ava, my motorcycle was at her house, and there was no way i would walk to the nearest hospital by myself, i was lucky she was kind enough to accept it, i waited..and waited..and waited for minutes and minutes…each second that went by i could feel things clogging up my veins..but she finally arrived, the travel was silent, i got in, not a single word was spoken, i could literally feel the guilt from her, and i couldn’t help but to feel guilty as well, but there was not enough time for emotional bullshit, when i least expected it we got to the hospital.
We didn’t told eachother bye..she just drove off, but that was okay, it was far from the biggest problem i had, i went to the receptionist and went through the whole bureocratic thing, documents, waiting and all that bullshit.
Finally, after HOURS i got called, i almost ran out of excitment, hoping to get tested for whatever disease or parasite i got so i could take the medicine and end that once and for all, i got to the medic and explained the symptons, the tingling, the feeling of my veins clogging, and the discomfort on the leg, he decided to run a few tests on me, urine, feces and a blood test, and after that he sent me home.
Just that made me excited, i would finally know what was wrong with me, i called Ava to get me home, but she didn’t answered it, so i decided to just call an uber, me and the driver and a small chat, and it really boosted my morale, i really needed this interaction with someone…- As i stepped foot onto my house i felt famished, i was starving, but i didn’t noticed…so i got my cooking utensils and ingredients to make a decent dinner to me, i think i ate atleast 5Kg of food..which i do not think is healthy…
And after i ate, i went to my bedroom and collapsed from exhaustion.
When i woke up the next day i had a terrifying view..the two hole wound was leaking a yellow-ish transparent liquid along with blood, it had soaked my bed and sheets into this disgusting brew of bodily fluids, i instantly stood up, my leg still having a lot of discomfort, and then i cleaned the liquids, the days after that were pretty much the same, treating the leaking wound and getting used to the tingling and discomfort, and then..the day came..it was the day to deliver my tests
So i got to the hospital, urine and feces exams on my little bag, i took the blood test the same day i went to the hospital the first time, so i would get the results in the same day, as i got called once again i anxiously walked to the doctor’s office, but what i heard completely destroyed me.
There was nothing wrong with me, my blood was completely normal, i couldn’t believe it, i could LITERALLY FELL it clogging inside my own veins! but no..i was fine..healthy..i almost felt like crying out of disbelief, and i couldn’t do nothing but to deliver the other tests, to which i have still to see the results.
I walked back to my house, devastated from the news, i had to know what was this…there are things beneath my skin..there are monsters beneath my skin…they’re just hiding…i went to the kitchen..grabbing the sharpest knife i had and dug it into my own skin, the pain was huge, but not as big as what i’ve felt this last week, i dug through my own skin, only to find nothing, there was nothing there, i didn’t comprehend..HOW was there nothing there?? i could literally feel their disgusting feet swimming and walking inside of me! and now that i’ve opened my own arm to prove to myself they are there there’s just nothing?! NO! THERE IS SOMETHING THERE! EVEN IF IT’S MICROSCOPICAL LITTLE INSECTS DRINKING OF MY BLOOD AND FEASTING ON MY FLESH!
…
But the doctor was right, nothing..no chemicals..compounds..or nothing but red and white blood cells…i was going to live in this state forever…
I wrapped my arm in some gaze i found in a old drawer, and tiredly fell heavy onto my couch, where i am since now..it has been a single day since i’ve got home from the hospital, and i can feel the symptons getting more severe, there are pus bubbles around the wound, and i feel like entire limbs and organs are being deprived of my blood, and tingling has just gotten worse…what once felt like ants now feel like beetles walking on me..i can’t walk, even if it’s on a single leg, the results of my urine and feces exams will come out tomorrow but i do not know if i’ll be here to see them…i knew my fear of bugs was justified, this post is a last resort, befraid those bastards, they’re little, and deadly, i got bitten by one..and look what happened to me…i am now sure..
That there are monsters beneath my skin.