Hi again. It’s only been a week since my last update so I don’t have too much to update in regards to my life, and let’s be honest, is that why anyone is here anyway? It’s ok, I promise. I’ve continued my training, and my husband has decided to join me after seeing so many stories that are close to mine. Along with further researching Elysium, I’m really trying to research the gates and see if there’s any lore or anything I can dig up on them to get some kind of idea of how they operate. Me, Henry, and the young man behind me all came through the same gate, but Isaiah’s wasn’t used anymore and Polly’s didn’t seem to be used often either based on what Talaaq was saying, so I’m curious if there’s any rhyme or reason at all to it. If anyone has any idea please let me know.
But, to the reason we’re all here. Soon after I met with Polly and was blessed enough to hear her story, a young man around her age reached out to me personally from my post and wanted to share his story. Though he was super forthcoming and I appreciate that, he didn’t want his name or location shared, which I can completely understand and respect. To honor his requests I’m just going to call him Will in here. A simple enough name.
So I was able to connect with Will over Skype because of everything that’s been going on for the past couple of years, but that was more than enough to hear about his experiences. He was a timid kid, I could tell he was a bit uncomfortable and embarrassed to confide in me but I did the best that I could to show that this was a safe space. Eventually, I was able to do that and he began.
-———-
It was loud. That’s all I really remember to be honest before everything went black. I was walking down the street. There was a loud bang, my body went numb and I fell to the ground. Literally, the next thing I realized was I was looking out over that blue sky you described so well and was overtaken by that feeling of peace you know all too well. It hurts to say, but I was happy. I didn’t have much. I didn’t, don’t have many people. I thought I had finally made it. All the suffering I dealt with and the pain over the years was being rewarded. I come from a religious household, but I don’t even think my mom had any idea how beautiful it was actually going to be. How amazing it was going to feel. Like I said, I wasn’t sad. I was happy. Happy for me, happy that she was able to see and feel this.
-———-
He stopped for a moment and wiped a tear from his eye. I wanted to reach out, but that’s difficult to do over the computer so I implored him to take his time. He looked up at me with red eyes and nodded before continuing.
-———-
You know where this goes from here. I stood and looked out into the endless blue for as long as I possibly could. I never wanted that moment to end. I wanted that to be Heaven because honestly, that would’ve been enough for me. But it wasn’t. Eventually, I turned and again felt that feeling you know all too well. My world shattered around me looking at what was left of those gates. I fell to my knees and cried into my hands. I saw nothing but blackness, though I could hear what sounded like waves crashing into a cliff and what I only imagined the ocean smelled like. Maybe if the gates had been in better shape the idea of seeing the ocean for the first time would’ve added to the joy that I was initially feeling but now it just added something more to fear. I stayed on my knees for as long as possible before I felt myself being dragged forward. I fell to the ground fully and clawed at the rocky surface until my fingers bled and a nail ripped off one of them. I screamed in pain and grabbed my hand. As soon as I took them off the ground I closed my eyes and shot forward, screaming into the darkness.
Then I fell. The wind felt like knives on my face and I didn’t think it would ever end. I continued to scream for as long as I could but it must’ve been hours honestly. I was too afraid to open my eyes and I could feel tears streaming down my face, freezing to my skin and adding more sting as I went. And then I landed and pain shot through my body. It felt like I had just landed on concrete, but I could feel myself sink below some liquid. I was in too much pain to move and opening my eyes now just stung even more so I kept them shut tight as I let my body sink further and further.
Until I felt something brush against my leg in the water. My eyes shot open and I willed my body to turn side to side, trying desperately to see anything through the dark liquid. My heart pounded in my chest as my lungs tightened and I knew I had to force myself to swim, but I couldn’t. A combination of trying to find whatever had touched me and the cold water around me froze me in place. I stopped sinking, but now I just floated there frantically squinting through the darkness, until I saw it. Well, kind of.
I could barely make out something huge and black circling me. I flailed my arms and legs trying to swim upward and let out a scream, but only filled my mouth and lungs with water. The thing started moving slowly towards me as I made my way to the surface. It felt like I was swimming through Jello. My heart was pounding painfully and I wanted to cry again but I didn’t have any more in me. I think it was pure instinct but I continued upward. The thing got close and I swear I saw it open its mouth so I swung with all the strength I had left. My hand connected and it felt like I just punched a car but the black figure paused for a moment and then quickly swam down into the dark below. I stopped for a second, stunned. Had I hit it that hard? Maybe adrenaline was really working overtime. Maybe.
But anyway I broke the surface of the water and desperately tried to catch my breath but the waves were so rough that I kept going under. I didn’t know if I could drown but I really didn’t want to find out. I fought back up time and time again, each time looking around to try to figure out my surroundings but as far as I could see there was nothing but rough, dark water under a dark sky.
I was getting tired of fighting against the current and eventually went under for the last time. I sank down for a moment but felt something grab my shirt and I was yanked back above the surface. I shot my head around to see a middle-aged man with what had to be pre-maturely white hair pulling me in towards a dinky little wooden boat. I was too stunned to move but I soon realized that me being dead weight was putting a lot of strain on him, especially with the condition of the water so with all the strength I had left I paddled towards him and he helped me slump half my body onto his little boat and I started laughing nervously, in relief? I don’t know, I just couldn’t help it. I looked up at my savior and he was kneeling down near my head with a huge, warm smile on his face. He told me to take my time and I looked around to see our only company was a woman about your age, probably, with a scowl on her face, but I was too relieved and tired to care about that.
I rolled over onto my back with my legs still dangling in the water, not even thinking about the thing that had just chased me. “Not the best conditions for swimming.” I heard the man say lightheartedly. I really think he didn’t want to rush me and I appreciated that. We were in Heaven after all so what was the rush. I stared straight up for a bit trying to catch my breath and could see the gate-like thing I had come through, it looked like a speck in the air. Curiously I could just barely make out what looked like a little beginning of a bridge that had been broken.
Eventually, I looked away to take in the kind stranger, “Thank you.” I croaked out along with some dark salty water. He just nodded, the smile never leaving his face and patted my back as I tried to sit up.
“I’m sure you have plenty of questions bud. We…I’d be happy to answer any of them for you.” He chuckled, glancing over at the woman who was now staring over the dark water, refusing to acknowledge us.
I opened my mouth, I didn’t know what to ask, but it didn’t matter. I was interrupted by a roaring splash of water off the side of the boat. My head shot around to see water raining down a few feet from me. I frantically looked to my saviors, but neither seemed overly concerned. In fact, the man was chuckling. “That’s just Iku. She’s pretty harmless. Since she ‘retired’ up here we have sort of a live and let live type of thing going. Ya know, we don’t bother her and she won’t eat us. But, whenever we come out in the boat she’ll come around and check us out.”
His smile faded when he saw the look on my face. “What?” he asked. I wanted to answer but I couldn’t get any words out. My heart just started racing again and I was breathing a little too heavy. He bit his lip and in the softest tone he could muster said, “Please tell me you didn’t bother her.”
I gulped and nodded slowly. “I fucking told you we shouldn’t have come out here Z.” I heard the lady say for the first time. “Could’ve just gone with…”
I cut her off with a bloodcurdling scream. Just below the knee on my right leg I felt the worst pain I ever felt in my life and then a sickening numbness shot through my body and I fell limp. I realized I still had my legs in the water and “Z” quickly grabbed me by the shoulders and dragged my limp body fully onto the boat. I looked up in horror to see half of my leg clean gone and a river of blood gushing from the stub and over the side of the boat. I felt the need to faint, my body desperately wanted to go into shock, but I didn’t. I don’t think I could.
The numbness subsided to my horror after a few moments and was replaced by searing pain that ripped through my body. I rolled over quickly and vomited on the deck right in front of the woman who just looked at me shaking her head. I felt Z’s hand on my back, but as reassuring as it was, it wasn’t quite enough to take away the paralyzing pain I was experiencing.
The lady leaned in to me, “What’d you do to Iku?”
I tried to look up at her through the tears forming in my eyes, but I couldn’t. I just fell facedown and laid there in my own vomit as what was left of my leg throbbed. “We gotta move.” I heard Z say a little too calmly. I couldn’t lift my head but I felt us start to move and my body bounced violently on the wood ground as we picked up speed along the choppy waters. It probably would’ve been more of a concern if I could focus on any pain besides the one in the area where my leg used to be.
As we sped up faster I could hear crashes in the water around us, always followed by sheets of water pounding down on my back. When the boat sped up my heart did and I could feel the tension in the air but I didn’t hear anything out of the other two passengers. Groaning I was able to turn on my side to where the woman had been but her spot was bare. A huge jump from the rickety boat lifted me off the ground and slammed me down hard a few feet from my original spot. Through my moans of pain and the roaring of the wind and water around us I could hear a faint snicker from the back of the craft.
Slowly I rolled myself to face the other two sitting calmly on a bench in the back of the boat by what I assume was the motor. They were both looking at me and the woman had an amused grin on her face. “That’s not funny.” I managed to choke out, the taste of blood filling my mouth.
Her grin didn’t leave though and the man just shook his head like he was disappointed in his children. I was about to say something else but the words got caught in my throat as a wall of water rose up behind the pair and a bone shattering roar emerged from behind it. The water fell away just in time to show what just looked like a black blob disappearing back beneath the dark water. I sat there in stunned silence, not knowing what to say, what was there to say.
“How’s what used to be a leg.” I heard the woman say a few times before realizing she was talking to me.
“It’s… it’s um.” was all I could reply. The truth is somehow it was feeling much better, in fact I didn’t feel the white hot pain anymore, but it may have just been shock at seeing that giant ball of flesh ripping out of the water like a great white. I couldn’t take my eyes off the spot it had just been and I couldn’t form words. I was frozen.
A horrible crunch snapped me out of my daze and my head shot down to see to my horror my companions no longer had calm expressions. They spun to look at the motor in a panic as the boat lurched violently, throwing them both to the floor at my level and then we slowed to a halt. The man jumped to his feet and ran back to his spot, hanging over the edge to peer down into the water. I watched him nervously as he hung himself a little too close to the water until a nagging uncomfortable feeling ran through my body.
My heart was racing and I couldn’t control my breathing, it was like I was having a panic attack. I hyperventilated and my head went fuzzy until I looked at the woman and saw her glaring angrily into my soul. Everything I had been feeling subsided. Maybe it was an overreaction, I think I may have been hyper sensitive, just getting to Heaven and all.
I could tell she wanted to say something but Z came back and sighed as he plopped himself next to us. “Well, Iku took the motor.” I gasped and finally turned from the woman and back to him, though I could still feel her stare burning a hole in the side of my head.
I heard her lean down close to me. Her hot, gross breath in my ear. “What. Did. You. Do. To. Iku.” She demanded. I wanted to turn to face her, but tears began streaming down my face and I couldn’t. I still didn’t feel the pain in my leg, but she scared me. The venom in her voice shouldn’t have been something allowed in Heaven, but then again I was attacked by some kind of sea creature. She shoved me to the ground as I sat paralyzed. “Well?”
“Enough!” I heard the man yell. I wiped away my tears to see him glaring at us from his position in the back. He shot the woman an angry look, “It doesn’t matter what he did, it’s done. What matters now is we need to row because Iku isn’t happy.” As he finished the boat rocked again violently and water flooded the sides. I seized up but it seemed to be a one off and I was able to relax. He paused for a moment looking side to side, “Let’s hope she just wanted to make our trip back to shore difficult.” He shot me a quick look but didn’t linger.
The woman stepped over, or stepped on me towards the back of the boat, opened the bench they had been sitting on and pulled out a few paddles. She shot Z a quick angry look and fired one of the paddles at me, hitting me in the face. I reached up and grabbed my nose in pain as blood poured out. Through blurry eyes I looked to Z, but he was focusing on the water, seemingly making sure nothing was out there. “You don’t need a fucking leg to paddle, do ya?” She spat.
I weakly pulled myself over to the side of the boat across from her and struggled up onto a bench without looking in her direction. We rowed in silence for a while without seeing anything in the way of the creature, but that didn’t make me feel any better. I read once that sharks attack from underneath the victim so I don’t think we’d see it coming, if it was a shark, I don’t know I couldn’t think straight, nothing made sense. This thought was interrupted by Z sitting down next to me. I glanced at him, but turned away ashamed.
He slapped me on the back, a little too hard, and said, “It’s ok kid, I know it’s scary at first, what’s your name?” I told him and he leaned back. “She’s just a little on edge, we’ve been living peacefully with Iku for decades with no problems,” He sighed and looked over to the woman, “but like I said, not your fault.”
I swallowed and looked at him, trying to force a smile, but I couldn’t. Again I looked away ashamed, “Wh…where could you have gone?” I stammered out. He didn’t answer, and when I turned he looked a little confused. “The lady, she said you shouldn’t have come get me and you could’ve gone somewhere. Where?”
A small smile crossed his face, “You haven’t been here long enough, but Heaven’s kind of a shithole.” He laughed and blushed when he said shithole. I genuinely smiled along with him. I think I understood what kind of man he was in life. “Sorry, it’s not a great place, we have an understanding with Iku, but there’s plenty more like her on land, and well, in the sky, that aren’t quite as understanding. Our little group moved on to Elysium, that’s where we’re heading right now. We just happened to see a certain someone falling from the sky and had to fish him out first.” He said with a smile.
I beamed back, “Than…” I started to say, but pain shot through my body and I fell to the ground of the boat. I couldn’t even scream and just convulsed, foaming on the floor of the boat. Z knelt down and gently placed his hand on my shoulder but I threw it off and shot up, looking to my leg. I could see that slowly muscle and veins started to run from my stumpy knee, shooting blood all over the already soaked boards. I let out a scream until my voice went out, but the pain didn’t stop. I tried to curl my body, anything to possibly take away some of the pain but nothing worked. I thought of my mom at that moment. My poor mom. Thinking she had been to Heaven only to have it torn away. Who knows what she went through.
I tried to focus on her, and then on Z, and then on the fucking sky, and then on anything and everything from my life that might, just for a second distract me from what was happening. I prayed that my body would numb, but I knew nothing was coming. I feebly looked down to see skin starting to crawl down the exposed muscle and bone that now reached about halfway down my shin. The hot tears soaked my face as I flailed my arms, trying to at least know that Z was still there for me. I felt his hand squeeze mine tight and then the world around me exploded and I felt myself flying through the air on a shower of black water and as quickly as I was in the air, I was crashing back down to earth and felt the icy water hit my back like cement.
I sunk below the surface again, but fought my way back up. Broken wood and water was raining down around me as I spun around and around looking for Z or god forbid the woman. Finally I spotted him fighting past splintered pieces of the boat making his way quickly towards me. I don’t know if it was the freezing water or the adrenaline but I could barely feel the pain in my leg anymore as I tried to meet him in the middle. I saw the woman off to the right, frantically swimming away from us, and away from the devastation. I turned my attention back to Z as we got within arms length and he grabbed my wrist and pulled me in.
“No time to rest, we have to go now.” I could hear the fear for the first time in his voice and suddenly the pain came rushing back to my leg, like it was fighting against the numbing water, and winning. We turned towards where the woman was swimming and she spun suddenly to face us, her face washed with terror. She opened her mouth and as she did I felt Z disappear without a sound beneath the surface.
I was too shocked to let out a sound, I just watched red liquid rush up and fill the spot he had just occupied. Before I could even think I felt knife-like teeth grab me around the waist and felt myself rush under the surface. Before I did I got one last glimpse at the woman as she slowly turned away and swam from us.
I screamed through the water as the creature shook me violently while dragging me deeper and deeper. The water filled my mouth and then my lungs and I thought they were going to explode. What little light the surface provided was rapidly being extinguished and I felt myself slipping away again.
Next thing I knew, a man was pounding on my chest covered in blood and lights were flashing and blinding and there was screaming and…and they saved me.
-———-
Will paused for a bit after finishing his story and seemingly couldn’t look at me. “It’s alright Will.” I said after a while, but he just shook his head and I could see his face gleaming with tears.
“I fucking felt it.” I looked at him confused, “I fucking felt it all. What the hell was that? That’s not Heaven. Please tell me that isn’t Heaven.” He screamed before breaking down. Again I wanted to reach out for comfort, but I couldn’t. I let him have his moment to cry and eventually he said, “please tell me my mother isn’t there.”
There wasn’t much more I could do for Will to comfort him. I haven’t talked to him, I’ve reached out and he doesn’t respond or ignores my calls. I hope he finds his peace and I’d rather him not do it alone, but that’s up to him. It’s only been about a week since I’ve spoken to him, but I’m going to do my best to keep tabs on him and always be here if he needs me.
Will’s story gives me a little pause in my search for Elysium. “Z” seemed very sure that his group of souls was there, but I don’t know. The way it came up was too matter-of-fact for me. Like it was a concept or just a wish or idea more than it was a real place. Of course, Talaaq talked about it to Polly as if it was a physical place so maybe I’m just reading into things that aren’t there. These people give me so much information and I try my best to not interrupt so sometimes things fly past me. But, for someone who I assume had never been to Elysium, and seemingly had a decent enough understanding with Iku, it just makes me wonder why he was so calm about it. Again, maybe it’s just me overthinking, maybe it’s me seeing things that aren’t there and presuming the worst after what I’ve seen and heard. Maybe he’s just an optimist and we should all be like Z. Or maybe he’s wrong.