I think I may just get right into it today. I don’t have much to add from my life. As these updates come faster it gives me less time to accumulate events in my own life that I feel are really worth mentioning. Besides the real lack of anything significant, I really didn’t want to post this one. I got this letter after I posted Isaiah’s story and I just put it to the side without giving it much thought. It kind of freaked me out a bit for a few reasons; A. there was no return address, which was a bit unsettling, and B. Who the hell still sends letters. At first, I thought maybe it was from my husband (I had basically ghosted him after my initial story so I thought maybe it got lost in the mail) so I opened it. It wasn’t.
I want to preface this by reiterating, I didn’t want to write this one. Since it was a letter I have no idea if it’s real or not (not sure if any of these are real, but normally I can at least sit and talk to the people). Also I just generally didn’t want to give this person any attention if it is real and they’re reading this right now. Anyway, I guess I’ll just post the content. As a note too I’m going to be referring to the author as LW for Letter Writer.
——-
Hello *OP* (he used my real name which I assume he got from an article that was written about me after the accident, I assume/hope that’s how he somehow managed to get my address as well). I truly hope this letter finds you well. I’m sure you’re confused and I apologize, I left off the return address in fear that you would see it and shred the letter without reading. I read the account of your death and what you saw and I have to say, I was skeptical, but I was a fan. The idea of something after death is…not something I ever believed or cared about, even now I wouldn’t say I care as much as I am fascinated by it all. I of course was praying that you posted another of your own accounts, but much to my initial dismay you posted that of a gentleman. I was jealous at first, let me tell you, however when I was able to have my own experience I knew I needed to find you and write you.
Now, I would have been overjoyed to sit down and have a face-to-face with you to discuss, but due to certain circumstances, I assumed you would not be willing and that is fine, though I do hope to meet you one day. Enough will burying the lead however, I wanted to at least get through some small background before I introduced myself, just in case you decided to stop reading. My name is *LW*, you can feel free to google me if you would like to verify what I say, (I did and I wish I hadn’t so I won’t be saying their name here) but I’m not what would be considered a good man. I ran into some trouble with the law and currently find myself in prison. Do I deserve to be here? Maybe, but if I can confess *OP* I did what I did, for you. I needed to put to test your accounts and see for myself whether or not they were true. I’m an academic by trade and this is something that needed proper experimentation. So, this wasn’t something done on a whim but simply done for the betterment of humanity and a better understanding of where we are in all of this. Unfortunately, or perhaps, fortunately, as the police were attempting to escort me, let’s say, to prison, I fell victim to a few bullets and that is where my story begins. Now I just want to say I only tell you this to add a layer of legitimacy to my claims and so you know I’m truthful. I would not lie to you.
Let me(OP) interrupt here to add a little more background to what was left out of the letter. Like I mentioned, yes, looked him up and I immediately threw up. This “man”, if it’s really him, kidnapped, tortured, and killed 8 people, that they know of. For me. I’m disgusted by him, I’m disgusted and angry at myself for starting any of this shit, and I’m just so sorry to those families that experienced this because of me. I pray that this wasn’t actually because of me and I pray that those can find some peace in the horror that is Heaven. I just wanted to say that now so you can understand why I didn’t post this sooner and feel sick to my stomach with every word.
As for my story, I mention the above so we all understand that I was never and am not destined for “Heaven”, though I guess if Heaven’s that bad then none of us really are (he drew a smiley face here and did this a few times throughout so I’ll just add a :) for him going forward). I’ll gloss over this part as it’s not the crux of the story, but I thought it was interesting as it hadn’t been mentioned by you or the gentleman. After I caught a few bullets, my world shifted from bright and loud and painful, to gray and silent and numb. Being the intellectual that I am, I was able to orient myself quickly and realized I was in fact, standing outside of my body. I put together that I was in fact dead as I watched in a dull amusement as police rushed to my stiff corpse with guns still pointed.
As the paramedics pushed the police out of the way I looked around to take in my surroundings and noticed a familiar-looking figure. It was me, or at least a pale version of me, standing motionless away from the chaos of the living world and without missing a beat I strode over to him, knowing that was what I was meant to do. Again, I don’t want to bore you, but he explained that he was my personal Reaper, his name escapes me, however. As good as my memory normally is, names are one thing that always allude me, except yours of course :).
My “Reaper” explained he was there to lead me to Hell for my punishment, which again, was not a surprise after accepting the concept of an afterlife as a whole. I think he may have been taken aback and impressed by how quickly I adapted to my new situation because we simply moved on in silence. I will admit that the journey was pretty cool, we arrived at a sort of bustling, train station-like hub that had dozens or possibly hundreds of souls and their Reapers walking around waiting to be taken, presumably to Hell as well based on you and the gentleman simply arriving at your destined gates. It didn’t take long before I was escorted down through a corridor to a small boat and some sort of creature that demanded payment for us to cross the black water it floated on. Think Charon from mythology, but it was a different entity don’t worry I checked, I’m very thorough.
My guide produced a gold or perhaps copper coin (I still was seeing the world in a gray shade for the time being) for me to pay the ferryman with and then bid me good luck with my penance. I will note that the journey with the reaper took a few hours total, I simply rushed through it because I did not think that would be the part of my story that would interest you, but if you would like to hear more about it you can always write me back :). The one thing that may be of interest to you however is he did tell me Hell is not permanent, you get tortured based on your sins and spend a number of years before moving on to the paradise that Heaven is supposed to be.
I will say, that up until this point nothing, Hellish, had happened to me, if you ignore the doppelgänger reaper and skeletal ferryman. Besides that, like I mentioned the water was black and a cool almost delightful breeze blew inland onto the dock where I stood. I mention that because that changed fairly abruptly. I placed my coin in his outstretched hand and watched it sink into his boney hand with a sickening but curious squelching sound. I stepped onto the small boat and upon the first stroke of his paddle color exploded back into my life or afterlife as it were. The black water was actually a bright red river that gave off a strong metallic smell, do with that information what you will. Large gas bubbles filled and exploded near the boat periodically, drenching me and the deck in the thick red liquid. Screams of pain and voices begging for mercy pierced my ears and filled the air around us. The cool breeze was gone and an oppressive, disgusting heat was left in its stead. I’m man enough to admit that I was shaken by this sudden devolution into a more, expected Hell.
There was little I could do except look out over the seemingly endless sea of blood to where it met with the pitch black horizon. Admittedly at the time I did not realize how odd it was that I didn’t see any other boats around me, there were hundreds of souls waiting to be ferried, but we were all alone, almost. A few minutes into our voyage, it almost sounded like we were running aground. I looked to the ferryman who didn’t seem concerned, so shaking and covered in the warm blood I managed to pull myself to the side of the boat to look over into the calm waters to be greeted by rotting hands reaching desperately out of the opaqueness.
It was almost pathetic the way they feebly slapped at the wooden hull only to fall back beneath the surface or get run over. I looked along the water towards the front of our boat with a small smirk on my face watching the hands and froze. Around the front weren’t hands, but heads bobbing along the surface, their mouths opening and closing like fish gasping for their last breath. They were stained with the blood in which they swam but you could still see patches of flesh missing from their faces as they decayed. Again the display was pathetic. They began to bore me so I went to step back from the edge but froze again. I locked eyes with one of the heads near the front. They were gray and most definitely nearly if not completely blind but still he stared at me with his gasping mouth and I could almost hear his screams, begging me to end whatever this was.
My body began growing hot and the screams all around me faded into the background and all I could hear was this one soul’s shrieks of agony. I wanted to look away but I couldn’t. Static went through my body as I felt my ears begin to bleed. I tried to scream, but I was paralyzed. It wasn’t fear, but some outside force. My vision narrowed around the head and started to fade to black. My chest tightened and my heart threatened to explode or burst through my ribcage. I felt myself slumping forward towards the edge of the boat and knew I couldn’t stop myself from falling in and being dragged below. A sickening crunch broke through my trance as I watched the bow of the boat collide violently with the head, all but splitting it in two. The already dead eyes lost what life was left in them as blood and pus leaked from its head and it sank beneath the surface.
Admittedly I immediately vomited into the blood over the side of the boat, I couldn’t help it. I tried not to look but curiosity got the best of me and I scanned the water for anymore hands or heads but they seemed to have all followed each other back to the depths. Shaking, I went and sat behind the ferryman who was still calmly pushing us forward as if nothing had happened.
I barely had time to catch my breath when the screaming rocketed back into my ears louder than ever. They were soon joined by high-pitched screeching from above. My gaze shot upward, but I could just barely make out large shadows circling above in the darkness. I held my breath as my heart pounded once again. There was a final shriek and before I knew it the shadows were rapidly flying down towards me. I could barely make out what looked like 3 heavily distorted women with tattered wings. The claws on their face shredded through my scalp and face with ease. I cried out in pain as I fell to the deck and did what I could to cover my head as they tore into my arms and back. Their shrieks started to mix with playful giggles but that only seemed to intensify their ferocity.
I began swinging my arms wildly, trying desperately to just be able to stand, thinking maybe I could make a run for the bloody river and take my chance with the floaters. As soon as I felt myself fist make contact the clawing stopped and was replaced by angry yelling in a language I didn’t recognize, though I’m fluent in 6 :). I heard the flapping of wings grow fainter as I remained huddled over for good measure before slowly pushing to my feet, only to fall right back to the deck. The pain was overwhelming as blood trickled slowly into my eyes. I couldn’t tell if it was tears or blood running down my face, but when I went to wipe it away with my arm I could see just how much damage was done. My right arm was essentially relieving of it’s skin as the muscle and tendons were out for the world to see. There was even a little white of bone poking through.
I was sure that shock or maybe even fainting would come to momentarily relieve me of the excruciating pain I felt, but I was wrong. I stared in horror at my destroyed arms as pain washed over me in waves, only intensifying as time passed, made even worse with the still bursting bubbles forcing warm blood into my wounds. I couldn’t move and could barely even lift my head as the boat came to an abrupt stop and I was flung slightly forward.
I lay there, facedown on the hardwood trembling for a moment before something, or 5 somethings pierced my back and my torso was lifted a few inches above the wood as my legs were dragged behind, gathering splinters as we went. I couldn’t even comprehend more pain beyond what I had and just let out a defeated groan as the wood was replaced by jagged, hard stones.
I could barely open my eyes enough to see the trail of blood that I was leaving. I coughed out too much blood as more still dripped from my mouth. Feebly, I managed to look up and catch a glimpse of the thing that was dragging me. If I could react then I probably would’ve at the sight of this, ogre. I was a little out of it at the moment so forgive my crude description, but that’s what he was. All he had on was rags covering his disgusting body, but that was all I could make out before my head fell limply back towards the ground.
We walked/dragged silently for possibly hours, possibly days, maybe a few minutes, I’m not totally sure as it’s really hard to tell time when you would be dead under normal circumstances. But whatever amount of time it was, we eventually reached our destination. I was thrown roughly onto my back on a large stone slab. I groaned in agony as the big slob roughly fastened metal braces around my wrists and ankles, digging into the exposed tissue and I could feel more blood ooze out as I lay they staring in a daze at the endless blackness that extended above me. I almost let out a smile thinking about those flying creatures coming to get me now, I’m not sure why the thought amused me, but at any rate, the thought was interrupted by me choking slightly on my own blood and having to turn my head and spit to save myself.
I turned in time to see the creature lumbering away into the darkness and I was alone, thrust into complete silence after his clumsy footsteps faded. I let my head settle back onto the hard stone, shuddering slightly when the wounds on my head touched the surface. I was left there for, again, an undetermined amount of time my body shaking slowly and constantly fading to the edge of consciousness before the searing pain brought me back. Blood still trickled out of my broken body and between you and me, I don’t think I should have had any blood left at that point but that’s neither here nor there.
My slow descent into madness sitting there in silence was interrupted by movement. It took me a second in my state to realize, I was moving. My stone slab was righting itself until I was dangling upright by my wrists and ankles still. The braces dug deeper into me because of my weight fighting against them. I think I gritted my teeth but in all honesty, the additional pain was fairly inconsequential. But, out of the darkness slank, a man. Just an ordinary man. He was maybe my height (which I won’t reveal because I’m not sure if that’s something that matters to you :)), super pale, and sporting a funky beard to go with his pitch black hair and bright white suit.
He just stood there smiling at me. It was almost warm. I immediately started to feel a little better and I think the constant blood flow from my wounds slowed and possibly even stopped. The man silently circled around me with his hands behind his back before settling back in front of me, his warm smile still on his face. From behind his back he pulled a glass of copper colored liquid and brought it to my lips. I didn’t really have a choice as he began pouring it down my throat. A pleasant warmness ran through my and just like that I could focus again. My body was numb rather than in pain and I was able to look to my arms and saw the skin reforming rapidly over my exposed muscle.
I let out an excited laugh and little squeal of joy as I looked back to my savior. His smile never left, but it struck me differently. Maybe it was because I was finally lucid, or maybe it had indeed changed, but it wasn’t joyful and warm, there was something sinister behind it. My body grew cold.
“Ambrosia is an incredible thing for humans.” He said evenly, never taking his eyes off mine. “For me, just delicious, for you, well you saw what it can do.” he gestured to my limbs.
I refused to speak. I could tell he was trying to figure me out or at least psych me out, so I gave him a knowing smile and his sinister one deepened. He licked his lips and walked into the darkness as he asked, “Do you fancy yourself a smart man, *LW*?” I still didn’t respond as he wheeled in a small metal table covered is rusty, definitely pre used tools. He looked at me amused, “It’s ok if you don’t want to talk, that’s not what this is about.” He returned to his table and after a second of deliberation chose a long thin knife. He lifted it and examined it before nodding approvingly and slowly making his way over to me with the knife clasped between his hands behind his back.
“I don’t expect that you know who I am,” he said with a small hopefully look, but when I didn’t respond he just sighed and I saw his smile falter slightly. “That’s ok, I don’t think my name is one that’s used very much where you’re from.” He leaned in close, looking me up and down with curiosity before nodding slightly and thrusting the blade into my gut and leaving it there. I left out a small scream but bit my tongue, which made him smile.
“Wonderful.” he patted me softly on the cheek and turned back to his tools. I could feel my body moving around the blade and it slowly widened the hole, I tried to remain still as best I could and try not to focus on the blood beginning to once again trickle out of me.
“Why did you even heal me.” I managed to wheeze out as I vomited up a small amount of blood. He spun around a little faster than expected, but then I think realized and collected himself and chose another tool before answering.
“A few reasons.” he cleared his throat and made his way over to me, studying the spiked hammer that he now held. “I don’t think it’s very fair to me if you make it all the way here and you’re already bloody and broken, then what’s my job?” He chuckled warmly and then brought the hammer down on my hand. I could feel and hear the bones crunching beneath the force and the world went fuzzy for a second. “Second, as I asked before and already know, I think you think of yourself as a smart man, maybe better than those around you,” He brought the hammer down on my other hand, “and I don’t fucking like that, because you’re not. You’re just another pathetic bag of flesh that ended up with me. Cast down.” Again he swung.
OP here, I’m going to skip ahead a bit because most of the next few pages is describing in vivid detail the amount of torture he endured and didn’t really do much to progress the story. Essentially LW was tortured for hours, the man would leave him alone to suffer and then return to repeat the process, after a few rounds of this he was given more ambrosia and then they started from step one.
It was days of this back and forth before he began talking to me meaningfully again. “*LW*,” he began despondently as he sliced a piece of skin from my forearm, “I lied when I said it didn’t matter that you don’t know me.” He sighed and looked in my eyes, almost defeated, “I was thinking maybe after a week together I could loosen your tongue to see if you were lying to me too, but alas I think you don’t know me.
He talked as he continued to fillet my arm, “I’m kind of important around here, kind of the ‘Big Bad’ if you will.” he stopped slicing and looked me in the eyes, “Avaritia.” I could tell he was expecting me to have some reaction to that and when I just shrugged he eyes glowed red and his skin seemed to crack and I could almost make out some red below the surface. He took a breath and returned to normal. “I fucking knew it. Everyone knows Satan right? Fucking Lucifer gets plenty of credit but God for fucking bid the guy who runs the show gets any love. Even fucking Behemoth…. Nope nevermind whatever it’s fine.” He was clearly rattled and angry. This sent a shiver down my spine. For the week he spent torturing me he was calm and collected, everything he did was almost clinical and matter of fact, but now, who knows.
He took a breath to collect himself, but then violently thrust the knife into my gut repeatedly before turning and launching it into the darkness letting out a scream of frustration. Without a word he stormed to the tools and grabbed a corkscrew, which was new. He stomped back over with a look of fury on his face and brought the tip to about an inch from my eye. I closed my eyes and shook uncontrollably, but he grabbed my eyelid and opened it, forcing my to look at the sharp tool. “Do you think this is bad *LW*? Hm? You haven’t fucking seen anything. I only come down here to play with truly, special, guests and I’m still not the worst you’ll fucking see.” His hot breath stung my face. But sudden’y he smiled and drew back a little. “Did the reaper tell you about your penance.” I nodded meekly and his smile grew wider. “Penance is real, Heaven is real. Heaven is the next stop…after a few hundred years of us playing together of course. You get to go, nothing I can do about that, but I wouldn’t want to anyway. You think I’m bad? Heaven’s a lie. There’s shit up there that I’m afraid of.” He pulled back completely and laughed.
He wiped a non existence tear from his eye. “My brothers and sisters are going to tear you apart, and you know the best part? It’s forever. You’re dead. You just keep going back to get torn apart again and again and again forever.” The joy was back on his face and I though psychology isn’t my field of science, I think it was cathartic for him to let this out.
I knew I had to ask just for myself, not knowing if I would be back to write you, but at this point I needed to know, “Elysium.” I whispered.
He laughed, “What?”
I managed to look him in the eye, “Elysium.” I said a little more forcefully.
His laughter grew and then stopped abruptly and he was on top of me in the blink of an eye with the corkscrew back in its place. “Elysium? Not sure how you know about that, but it doesn’t matter. It’s gone. Wiped out, like the rest. You can’t escape, there is no ‘Heaven’.” he smiled as he drew the corkscrew back preparing to laugh it forward, “our next hundred years are going to be Elysium compared to what’s waiting for you.” he laughed as he thrust his arm forward. I closed my eyes and turned my head desperately, waiting for the pain, but none came.
I opened my eyes in a hospital, handcuffed to the bed. They had saved me apparently, why I don’t know. But I was dead for give or take 2 minutes. Now I know what you’re thinking, you were also dead for 2 minutes and spent a few hours in Heaven but 2 minutes in Hell was over a week. I hypothesize it’s just a way to prolong the torture and delay entrance to Heaven, but of course I can’t be sure.
Now to the reason I wrote you, besides being a fan :), my demon or whatever he claimed to be of course mentioned Elysium and I’m glad I asked so I could bring this back for you! Though it was just a small mention in the gentleman’s story, I felt it important. However, we can take him at his word and trust that a demon was telling the truth and there really is no salvation, or we can assume he was trying to further crush my spirits. I’m not an optimist *OP* but you make me want to believe that we’ll find each other one day in the Elysium fields safe and sound and live out our eternity together.
Whatever the case I hope we can figure this out together :), I patiently await your response.
Love,
LW
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So… I’m sick to my stomach transcribing that. I tried to spare the, gorier, details, but felt what I added was necessary to understand him. I don’t know what to think at this point. LW and I share one thing, we’re not optimists, so I’m inclined to take the demon at his word. Oh and by the way I looked up Avaritia and its a little sketchy, but I think he’s technically a devil not a demon, not sure if that means anything or is in anyway relevant, I just thought it needed to be clarified.
In any case, I hope you understand why I didn’t want to post this update and why I eventually did. This definitely didn’t make me feel any better about our futures, but I have a call with someone tomorrow who said they have something I’ll want to hear and the email seemed excited (and stable) so hopefully we have some good news coming our way. I’ll update in the next couple days, but until then, continue your planning those who are planning and everyone…please stay safe.
Also P.S. Even if Elysium is real I’m not fucking meeting with LW in the afterlife.