I remember the first time I saw him.. 3am in a drunken haze reflecting off the asphalt. The silhouette of a man hovering over an amber street light. I was a thief you see, nowhere to go with nothing to look forward to. Taking what wasn’t mine in order to survive. Sure, there were times I’d panhandle to eat but who I’m I kidding? A trouble maker? Me? How’d you know? Forgetting I’d wake up in an alleyway somewhere near was my main priority.
The memories of regret have always been too much for me to handle sober I guess. It’s like my mind created him from the inner depths of depression to challenge itself. For example, This manifestation looks at decisions an insane man would think makes sense. Then it’ll take action like it’ll save a plane from crashing or a bomb from going off. Anyways, I’m getting off track here.
Lora, the only one who’d put up with my shit and the love of my life. We met at a concert back in the 90s with the most boring story. She had a smoke and I had a lighter. “ you’re my knight in skinny jeans tonight dude! “ She said giggling with a hazy smile. It’s like she knew we were gonna be together forever. Turns out that’s all she wrote, the next few months we fell in love and rented out an apartment. I think we hated being two lone strangers in this corrupt world.. Better to be alone together right? That’s what I thought at least. With every relationship comes it issues, growing apart surrounded by stress from work with little to no time for each other.
Fights would break out with occasional times in the dog house or friends couch. Always for something small to like failing to pay a bill on time or forgetting to pick up dinner. Such stupid reasons to blow up you would think right? This demon would throw things, slash tires, I actually recall blindly choking out my neighbor for telling me to keep my music down. Don’t worry he’s fine, too afraid to call the cops as well. This last straw was when I was driving with my ex-girlfriend now. She said something so mundane that would hardly bother anyone but.. you know what my shadow did? He took the wheel and swerved us straight into oncoming traffic.. Now he knew I would survive.. he needed me to do his deeds.. but I made damn sure my ex’s seat was set directly towards the truck that was attempting to move out the way as fast as he could…
He’s there when I’m asleep, when I wake, when I take my first shot and when I have my last. I’m never alone, he’s by my side keeping me from givin up all the damn time. If I try to jump into traffic he shoves me out of harm’s way. When I drink pills to oblivion he makes me vomit. If I attempt to use something sharp he takes it and throws it with impossible strength.
There was almost a time I was able to succeed. He’s never there when the world keeps from casting shadows. Lightning storms with phenomenal strikes that light up the entire world around. Making it look like you’re seeing beyond your reality onto another. A moment the world doesn’t have shadows. Storms like these are hard to predict and as soon as they happen they end. Anyways, during one of these storms I noticed I could finally be myself.
I could end it all and have this demon out of my life.
This entity could no longer hurt anyone using my body, mind, and soul.
It’s not like I cause problems for anyone.. I just want to go, you know? He is a mirror image of me at my worst.. Eyes red, bloodshot, and sinister with a grin so twisted you feel wrong. I see him shaking but I know he’s not anxious. I can see the blood dripping down self inflicted wounds as laughter echoes. It’s been another long day in this concrete hell.
I’ll keep you posted.
Edit: Info Erase