My friends and I like to say that I’m fragmented. Sometimes I can suddenly change my mood or even my personality, and I may do things that I wouldn’t normally do, but it has never affected me, and it has never been anything serious. We just laugh about it later over a beer.
And in case you’re wondering, yes, I’m seeking treatments for this, but the best one would be Cannabidiol, which is not legalized in my country, so I have to stick to conventional medication.
When I “woke up,” I realized that I had been “sleeping” for 3 days. I just don’t remember 3 days of my life, and I was out there, being controlled. Something has changed since then.
When I woke up, I was quite disoriented about what had happened, but everything was normal. I checked everything - the gas in the car to see if I hadn’t gone far, messages sent - I literally looked at everything to make sure I hadn’t done anything I might regret in the future, but no, absolutely nothing.
Until about 3 days later, something knocks on my door, three strong knocks that seemed like they would knock down the door. It was already night, so I was really scared and went to the door to see who it was, but there was absolutely no one. Then I thought it could be kids trying to prank me, but it knocked again and again, and no one was at the door. But while looking at the glass, it knocked again, and I realized that there was absolutely nothing there. So I froze, because the sound wasn’t coming from the front door, but from my basement.
I called the police and explained what had happened, including my blackout episodes and that I had medical records to prove it, but during those 3 days I had no more episodes even though they happened daily. Unfortunately, the police couldn’t help me. The town was in chaos because one of the biggest robberies in my small town was happening, and all the police forces were there, chasing the criminals who had left bombs around the city. The operator told me what I should do, but I refused to listen.
It was foolish of me to want to know what was there, yes, but it could be just a rodent and I was bothering the police about it. So I went there and opened the door, that darkness and loneliness that only a basement has, nothing. This door is always locked, but I decided to leave it unlocked in case it happens again so I can catch them in the act. But it didn’t happen again, the door opened, and I came out of there, a deformed version of myself.
Slowly, this other me is becoming normal and asks me something I can’t understand, but I’m very scared of everything. He goes to the kitchen and grabs a knife, coming towards me. I confront him, but end up losing the fight and die right there.
Now I’m confused, too. I don’t know who I am now. I have both perspectives. It feels like I was locked in that basement, but at the same time, I can see myself doing my normal things during those three days. I simply don’t know who I am, whether I am the “normal” me or the one who does bizarre things for others to laugh at.
Days passed and I didn’t tell anyone about it. There is a body in my house, and that body is me. I haven’t had any more blackouts or anything like that. I just don’t know who I am, if I should keep going, or if I should stop here. I’m trapped in my own mind, but I don’t know. I’m lost, and I’ll never find myself. This text may be a goodbye. Thank you very much to everyone who has read this far.