This all started a little over a month ago.
Ava, my 13 year old daughter came back from a sleepover with her friend Sara and things have never been the same since.
She came back the next morning, around 7:30 in the morning, accompanied with the same cheerfulness she left with. I was waiting in the kitchen when she came and gave me a warm tight hug. “Mama, I missed you.”
“Aww my child. Go get freshen up and we will go to the supermarket if you aren’t tired.” Ava chuckled. “I am never tired for supermarkets you know” and gave me her usual goofy wink while she made up her way to her room. I smiled. Probably that was the last time I smiled so carefree, not knowing of what lies ahead.
I am a single mother, from Toronto, and me and my daughter live by ourselves. I am a nursery teacher and a part time daycare worker as well. That day was Sunday, and I had a day off. Ava didn’t have any upcoming exams and I thought it could never be this perfect to spend some mother-daughter quality time.
She came back from her room, after showering, looking elegant in a flowy floral print dress and we went shopping. Things were quite normal, until she insisted to try on a few makeup samples. The saleswoman was a quite nice woman. After a few trials, she told me “I think it would look better on her after she is ready.” -“I am actually quite ready, young lady.” replied Ava with a weird look on her face. “What about her makes you think she’s not ready?” I asked and laughed it off immediately. “Umm.. idk.. maybe she wears glasses and forgot today?” the confused saleswoman replied after a few seconds. “No miss,my eyesight is nearly perfect.” grunted Ava and we walked out of the store. I didn’t think much about it at that moment, but now I wish i had.
After roaming around the mall, we went to the Macd and met a co-teacher from my school while on the counter. She seemed extremely friendly on seeing my daughter, and surprisingly remarked the same thing. “Something is off with her face. Does she wear glasses or possibly a nose ring?” -“No she doesn’t. What makes you feel that?” I asked puzzled because to me, there was nothing off with her face. She quickly patched her words up and left after a few conversations, and I too forgot about it in a matter of minutes.
The third person to notice this was our neighbor Shelly. While on our way home, we saw her gardening her front yard and greeted her ofcourse. “Hey Ava! Hey Carol! Where have you guys been?” -“Just to the supermarket, the park & the macd obviously.” replied Ava in her bubbly tone. “Great. But what’s with that face?” -“What face?” “Mhm,I feel like there’s something missing on your face probably eyeliner or something?” -“Uh no. I have never wore an eyeliner before. They make my eyes itch” “Ohh. I can’t really figure out what it is. Anyways I am glad you guys had fun. Bye ladies.” replied Shelly as she walked up to her door.
“Mom! Just look at me. What’s wrong with my face today?”Ava grunted as soon as we reached home. “I don’t know honey. I think you look absolutely perfect. I am confused why they might think that.” I replied equally confused as her. “I have looked at myself almost 178 times today in the mirror everywhere. I see nothing different. I am just going to take a nap.” She rushed into her room.
At this point, I was starting to worry but I didn’t know especially what to worry about. Maybe they were right. She might have had a lot of fun yesterday night and missed a few hours of sleep and looked drowsy. I brushed it off my mind and went to follow up with the chores.
But..things started to get worse. The next day, my sister Amanda paid us a visit and remarked something missing on her face although she had seen my daughter at least a million times before this. Ava had a rough day at school followed with everyone remarking about the change in her face, which was actually unchanged, or so I thought. This carried on almost daily for a straight week. What is more agonizing is that people didn’t really got used to that particular change. They pointed it out almost everyday, everytime they saw her and it started to get beyond crazy.
We matched up her current face with her old pictures on her social media, and ended up finding no difference. Our relatives, friends, neighbor, everybody said there was a difference in both the faces but couldn’t really explain what.
Things got beyond hands, when people started commenting on her posts or messaging her asking if she had done some surgeries or anything with her face or is it a new makeup style she has acquired. Ava stopped going school afraid of the infinite remarks, and questions from her friends,teachers,even the school guards. I have tried to make her understand to not be a freak but even I had no answers to her questions.
It escalated from people we know to almost everybody who saw her remarking about the change in her face. A change, nobody could explain, but it was just there. I felt ashamed to have to go out with her and get bombarded with weird questions about a non existent change.
I started panicking and would miss lunch or dinner on certain days. What kind of a nasty chit of a daughter would be such an anxiety to her mother. Ava has been quiter ever since. We don’t go anywhere together anymore. She stays in her room and comes out occasionally asking for food. I don’t miss the chance to taunt her about being a burden on me, and being the reason to traumatize me with her stupid face. God, i really don’t know what she did with that but its just driving me crazy to even see her.
Yesterday, as I called out for her to shove the bread butter in to her mouth so she didn’t starve herself the night, she just wouldn’t answer. At first, she put me through this hell and now that stubborn thing won’t even bother to answer. I bust opened the door, and found her lifeless from the fan.
The sounds of sirens filled our society. Neighbours peeking in for a look as I sat there motionless. I was not upset nor crying. I dont know if I was even bothered. She was my daughter, but she was the reason I had to face all of this. Maybe this is what she wanted, or deserved. Her room has been sealed. The forensics took her fingerprints. It has been primarily noted as a suicide after all the neighbours, relatives confirmed of me being a nice mother. I wasn’t handcuffed nor questioned. Just left there. Alone.
Today morning as I somehow managed to drag myself to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee and found we were out of supplies. I forced my legs to the nearby grocer who as expected stumbled a couple of questions, suggestions or whatsoever about my dead daughter. Unwillingly I replied of whatever I thought was appropriate. But then, she said something that froze my blood
“Something is off with your face today.”