Finally, I am happy.
I mean, I really am. It’s over, finally. Now I can smile again.
Years ago, I was diagnosed with… well, something. The less I say about myself, the better. The thing that I was diagnosed basically meant I am, what people call, “neurodivergent”. That’s the beautiful name, at least, not what people called me.
Freak. Loser. Weirdo. That were some of the mild words people called me. But name-calling can be ignored, for the most part - unfortunately, the same can’t be said for more… physical things.
Like almost being drowned in a river because they find it… funny.
“Kids will be kids” is what the adults said. “You need to be stronger, bolder” my father used to say, as if it was my fault that these things happened, before he left. Before my mother also started to ignore me, thinking it was also my fault my father was gone.
These days were hell. So, I tried to end it all.
It didn’t end. What happened was I saw a vision, a thing, a creature - I still don’t know - that could make me “whole”, as the thing said. It asked me if I wanted, in a language I don’t know.
And I said “yes”, in a voice I didn’t know I had.
From that day forward, I was plagued with nightmares. Where I simply disappeared and no one noticed, while I was left alone, walking around without any sense or purpose, unable to speak, to be heard. They say indifference is worse than hate. It really is, and these nightmares proved me right.
Until I found out what they were about - “making me whole” - making my body match my brain. Making my physical appearance match what my brain wanted.
It took twelve years. Fortunately, I lived in a small city, so I knew it was only a matter of time until I could find everybody that mistreated me.
And last night, it finally happened.
Graduation party. Five of the worst pieces of trash I ever met. They had forgotten about me long ago, long before I was “made whole”.
Now, they can’t ever remember.
It started with a prank - flashing stuff around them. Misplacing things and seeing their reactions on how exactly they lost the keys they just had in their hands.
But honestly - it was infuriating. They couldn’t remember me, of course, but they didn’t show a single hint of remorse. They were friends since forever, and they didn’t remember how they almost drove me to insanity - me, and others that are not here anymore.
Something happened in the sky, and that was my clue. I am not yet sure what it was, but I took the chance, and sat into one of their chairs, waiting.
I can’t say how much I laughed while they discussed what was happening. So I started to escalate - I lit up the fire, walked around them, tried to push one, these things. They became scared and decided to leave, but I somehow convinced they to stay.
Interesting - they could hear me, interact with me, but they didn’t know who I was. They could see me but their brains didn’t process me at all.
And if that was true for one of them…. it was going to be true for everyone.
So I did what I did. I convinced they to stay. I ate their food, drank their beer, slept with one, but it was not enough. It was never going to be enough.
One was sleeping alone. I cuddled him.
It was too much for his poor, primitive brain. He started to scream, and I knew it was going to be a matter of time before he would wake up the others - and I didn’t want that.
No, I didn’t want that - I wanted to play more. Way more.
They woke up to his disembodied head rolled around his body - like the time he “made me into a burrito” with some carpets and left me alone in the woods to see if the wild animals would eat me.
They ran away, of course. But I was not done - the second one made fun of me because I screamed one when I got a splinter in my hand, so she made it sure to “hurt it more” so I would “man-up” and not scream from anything. Luckily, the third one followed her.
I had feelings for the third one. Not gonna lie. I was… a bit sad about what was happening with her, but she played with me too, so she deserved everything that was going to happen.
For some reason… things started to slow down.
I could see myself fighting the fourth one, that for some reason, was able to detect me for a brief instant. But at the same time, I was playing with the third one, making her listen to confession over confession of me, each new “love declaration” making her eardrums explode and her eyes bleed; while the fourth one was stabbing the air over and over again, maniac laugh in his lips, believing he was winning a fight against an alien, a monster, or whatever his pitiful eyes were able to detect, his fingers holding the knife bleeding and his bones breaking just by his own force.
In the meantime… or maybe, in the sametime if that makes sense, I took a hike with the fifth one. She called the police, which obviously made a very interesting situation happen - could I also be a police-person? How would her brain react seeing a police car appearing, and five cops leaving the car while the only one would ask her questions? Oh, I could hardly wait…
…
… but that’s not enough. That’s not nearly enough.
My father, my mother. The teachers that did nothing. Even the police that found me some nights asking me why I wasn’t home (besides the fact I was tied and bleeding in the middle of nowhere). They will all pay…
… because I am whole, finally.
For I am a wallflower. You can’t see me.
But I am here.