Some things you don’t want to remember.
I pushed this out of my memory for years, but lately it keeps popping to the forefront of my mind. No idea why I keep thinking about it. Maybe, if I talk about it even if it’s just online I will stop thinking about it.
The year was 2011 on the eve of my last flight. It was about ten minutes before we needed to start getting ready. My Crew Chief, Daniel, was talking about the merits of libertarianism or something. I never listened when he talked about politics.
“Yes.” I said.
“Yeah… Do you know what you’re gonna do..? After today.” Daniel asked.
“No idea.”
Never thought I’d leave the Air Force and definitely not that soon. Life’s a bitch.
We finished our coffees and headed out to my plane. My beautiful F-16 Block 52, Delilah. I have been using her for seven years. I could have named it something more masculine but this plane is a beauty. So, it deserved a fitting name.
Climbing into the plane I saw the names of myself and the Crew Chief painted on the side. Delilah and I have many memories.
As I closed the canopy locking it into place Delilah came to life with the press of one button. The familiar light green glow basking the cockpit. “START 2.” pushing the throttle into idle with my hand lingering on it.
“One last time” I said to myself.
Daniel gave me the thumbs up.
“Broken Man, requesting permission to Taxi” I asked.
“Evening, you’re number one” the tower guy said.
“You rushing to get rid of me?”
“You catch on quick. Don’t go breaking Delilah.”
Releasing the brake, enabling NWS to drive her forward to the runway. “Requesting permission to take off.”
“You still here? It’s dead out there, just go.”
Advancing the throttle to the maximum picking up speeds of 80 knots. “Disabling NWS.” Delilah reached 90 knots, 100 knots as we rode down the runway.“One thirty, one forty, one fifty. Taking off!”
Delilah and I lifted into the sky for our final flight.12,000 ft over the New Mexico desert with the starry night sky above me. The nose of the plane tilted down 30 degrees as the CCIP green circle encompassed the target.
Descending 1000s of feet in seconds. A churning feeling formed in my stomach while I hit 5000 ft.
At this point all it took was a single click and the bomb dropped.
I imagine a large metal egg dropping and tumbling through the sky and then splatting into the ground. The sand kicked up into the wind as anything living scurried away. Not afraid of a bang, but of a thud. The bombs were fake, training bombs.
My last flight being a training mission was kind of underwhelming but still kind of a relief. It’s safe. I’m not going to have some last second tragedy take me out of this world or so I thought at the time.
I kind of wish it did.Ascending back into the sky I could have sworn the radar flashed. I assumed it was a bird, or maybe a glitch but then it locked onto me. The warning receiver struggled to identify it.
“Broken man, is there supposed to be someone else for training?”
Silence.
I adjusted the frequency on DED and asked again. Nothing.
The radar warning receiver screen flooded with random shapes disappearing and reappearing.
Then all at once, it stopped. The screen was clear. For a brief few seconds I thought I was safe till a single icon returned.
M.
Someone was trying to shoot me down.
The wailing of alarms going off around me while diving down 1000s of feet.
I unleashed a fury of chaffs glowing like little stars behind me.
The sound stopped and there was a moment of ill-seated silence. I almost allowed myself to feel relieved. But then the console started flashing with the blaring sequence of random alarms.
Losing control as time went on. It was now or never.
I ejected.
I hated to do it and looking back I wished I took the risk. As I descended down to Earth with the flapping of my parachute in the wind I saw Deliah disappear into the horizon.
A bright all encompassing light engulfed me. I shut my eyes but the brightness scorched my eyes as I squinted.
Felt like I was being pulled back into the sky. The brightness was dialed up to the extreme.
When I opened my eyes again I was strapped to a cold metal table. I could barely move.
“Wha-” I couldn’t speak as my mouth felt so dry.
From the corner of my eye I saw a slender lanky shadow. It slowly approached me. I tried to move but it was all I could do to turn my head and face whatever was in front of me.
Its face was a pale sickly green and their eyes were two big black ovals. Its body was stick thin and elongated to twice the size of a normal man.
His long stringy fingers curled around a sharp metal like tool.
It was horrifying
I still remember it all and have the scars across my chest and on the sides of my head. I will spare you the details.
I woke up alone in a field the next day. The government found me, classified me as insane and locked me up in a mental asylum for years. I suspect they knew the truth but there was nothing I could do but move on.
In many ways you can say I did. Buried my trauma, got married, had a few kids though till this day.. I
I can’t look at the sky anymore.